Feel guilty, I was rude on the bus

[Buzzybee4]

I know I can’t change it now and it’s over with but I’m a massive overthinks/worrier and I can’t shake off how guilty I feel!

I got a bus from basically one end of the country to the other. london to edinburgh. It was about 10 hours if I remember correctly. I’m not usually travel sick however I had a horrific migraine yesterday and felt awful with it. It was one of those headaches where everything was spinning and I felt so nauseous. But I had to get on the bus anyway as shit as I felt because I had to get back up to Edinburgh and it was the last bus

i had booked in advance and was praying for a seat without anyone beside me so I could stretch out a bit and sleep/cry/rock back and forth with the pain. However the bus was full and I ended up beside an older gentlemen (80s or possibly older i would say). Absolutely fine I understand I’ll have to sit next to someone, I still intended to sleep because I felt so rubbish.

however the man was obviously lonely and wanted to talk. He was absolutely lovely and was just trying to make general chit chat and tell me about his grandkids (he was so proud of them it was lovely) and to ask me general chit chat things. I felt awful because he was being so kind and he was clearly lonely but I wasn’t up for chatting. I was only really answering with 1 word answers and i was still being polite to him but it was clear I didn’t want to talk. Under my sunglasses I was crying because I felt so ill (he couldn’t see that though) eventually I fell asleep and woke up about an hour later still feeling rubbish. Again, he tried to make pleasant conversation with me. He honestly seemed delighted to have someone to talk to, not in a bad way just in a lonely way. But again in was polite but very short and not interested in talking. It was like this for the whole journey.

as I was getting off in Edinburgh I heard a few people chatting about how rude I was and I couldn’t even be bothered to talk to that man for more than 10 seconds and he was just being polite and is clearly lonely and how rude and selfish some people are (me) not to even chat for 2 minutes

I feel so bad about it now, what if he was lonely and doesn’t get to chat to many people and I’ve completely shut him down. He was so friendly and nice and looked a bit deflated when I wasn’t interested in talking to him and I feel so guilty about it all now

sounds silly and dramatic but I’m an over thinker and can’t shake off the guilt about it, especially after overhearing those other people too

He was rude, not you.
It sounds like you made it very clear you didn't want to chat and yet he made repeated attempts to do so?
Honestly, you did nothing wrong and he was not absolutely lovely - he imposed himself on you.

Sorry I can’t believe I missed that from my OP, I’m an absolute idiot.

I absolutely agree I need to get better at being more assertive and former rather than being nicey nicey and then worrying later on. In this case I could have told him I was upset because me entire family had been killed and he still wouldn’t have understood because he really couldn’t hear me properly lol, but in other areas of my life I absolutely do need to be more assertive.

honestly it was the worst bus journey of my life! Cried with happiness when I got off and never been so excited to get home because there’s nothing worse than being so far away from home and unwell

sounds like you’re the only one creating drama on this post!

And by the way, saying I didn’t hear something and ‘it’s my guilt speaking’ is gaslighting, perhaps look up the definition.

I actually find it extremely difficult to speak when I am feeling very ill. I go completely silent.
Even just a few words intensify the already horrendous throbbing of my head, and seriously threaten to turn my nausea into actual vomiting, so I can well imagine how it might have been difficult for you even to say a couple of sentences to the man, politely explaining how you were feeling and why you didn't want to engage in conversation with him.

Look on the bright side - those people who were commenting on you were total strangers who you will almost certainly never see again, so it really doesnt matter in the slightest what they think.

MN is full of posters who all know the exact perfect thing to say at the moment. In RL, most of us do as you did and then afterwards you realise what you should have said. I suffer from travel sickness and it is utterly wretched and a lot of the time it takes grim concentration just to keep it down, never mind thinking of how to politely ask someone to stop. I had similar in the hospital the other day, it was just a routine scan and an elderly person was wanting to talk to me and I did but I just really wanted some quiet to be honest, and I didn’t have your excuse! Don’t worry about it

Yep this. 'I'm very sorry but I have a migraine and I really need to try and get some sleep'.

That's all you needed to say. You'd have been absolved of appearing rude and (hopefully) he'd have stopped trying to chat.

Odd that other passengers were talking about you. I've taken some mammoth coach journeys in my time and never have I come across 'coach gossip'. Nobody pays any attention to anyone else.

While I think it's sad that we all spend so much time buried in our smartphones these days and never have time for others, I reckon you handled this as best you could under the circumstances.

If you find yourself in this situation again, an eye mask and earplugs/headphones are the solution.

I used to work in London during the week - I'd catch the redeye coach from Manchester (depart 0430) on Monday and get the train home on Friday. The coach didn't start from Manchester so there were always people on it when I boarded. One morning there was a chap in the next seat who was obviously wanting a chat - I smiled at him, put the earplugs in and then put the mask over my eyes and he took the hint straight away.

I did, I put it in my comments. He couldn’t really hear me properly. I’ve commuted regularly aswell and never heard people talking about other passengers! He tried to chat to me as we were getting ready to get off in Edinburgh and I was quite short and again not interested in talking and I think that’s what made them talk about it all.

I’ve got the post-migraine rage, everything is annoying me😂 if only I could be as assertive in real life as I am after a killer migraine I would have no problems whatsoever!

This.

If you actually spoke up, you wouldn’t be feeling this guilty. You made the situation awkward for no reasons.

It would have been incredibly difficult to keep any chat going if he was that deaf surely?

I did, read all my posts

It was! The type of conversation where he was speaking at full volume to me and everything I said was met with a big ‘WHAT?’ in a big strong Scottish accent lol (I’m Scottish too)

If her was deaf he won’t have heard anything you said or didn’t say anyway so don’t worry!

Also the people saying you were rude were being extremely judgemental. They don’t know anything about you, you were ill anyway but there could have been numerous reasons why you didn’t want to have a conversation with him. You could have had some very bad news, could have just found out something awful, been travelling on that bus to go to a funeral etc etc etc. they had absolutely no right to judge you!!

I wouldn't have spoken to him beyond hello migraine or otherwise. Ten hours of talking to someone I don't in or is my idea of hell. Ear buds in and feign sleep.

Do us all a favour and shut up!

This. Use your words OP.

i was still being polite to him but it was clear I didn’t want to talk

Then he was the rude one. It’s not polite to impose yourself on people who don’t wish to talk to you. Nobody owes anyone else conversation in this sort of scenario. Nice to strike up a friendly chat if you enjoy that, but not an obligation.

You said I invented it to embellish it in your later posts. Your first post only mentioned ‘it was my guilt speaking’ that’s gaslighting. But I don’t care because you’re wrong on both counts so not sure why you’re still wasting your time here tbh!

All the nice comments are really appreciated, a really good point someone upthread made is that I’ll never see anyone on the bus again so doesn’t matter what people think. I feel a lot better thinking about it like that. It’s all over now so I’m overthinking it for no reason now! x

Likewise, you could just let it go. What does it matter if a random stranger thinks you embellished a non-story? Really?