Feel guilty, I was rude on the bus

[Buzzybee4]

I know I can’t change it now and it’s over with but I’m a massive overthinks/worrier and I can’t shake off how guilty I feel!

I got a bus from basically one end of the country to the other. london to edinburgh. It was about 10 hours if I remember correctly. I’m not usually travel sick however I had a horrific migraine yesterday and felt awful with it. It was one of those headaches where everything was spinning and I felt so nauseous. But I had to get on the bus anyway as shit as I felt because I had to get back up to Edinburgh and it was the last bus

i had booked in advance and was praying for a seat without anyone beside me so I could stretch out a bit and sleep/cry/rock back and forth with the pain. However the bus was full and I ended up beside an older gentlemen (80s or possibly older i would say). Absolutely fine I understand I’ll have to sit next to someone, I still intended to sleep because I felt so rubbish.

however the man was obviously lonely and wanted to talk. He was absolutely lovely and was just trying to make general chit chat and tell me about his grandkids (he was so proud of them it was lovely) and to ask me general chit chat things. I felt awful because he was being so kind and he was clearly lonely but I wasn’t up for chatting. I was only really answering with 1 word answers and i was still being polite to him but it was clear I didn’t want to talk. Under my sunglasses I was crying because I felt so ill (he couldn’t see that though) eventually I fell asleep and woke up about an hour later still feeling rubbish. Again, he tried to make pleasant conversation with me. He honestly seemed delighted to have someone to talk to, not in a bad way just in a lonely way. But again in was polite but very short and not interested in talking. It was like this for the whole journey.

as I was getting off in Edinburgh I heard a few people chatting about how rude I was and I couldn’t even be bothered to talk to that man for more than 10 seconds and he was just being polite and is clearly lonely and how rude and selfish some people are (me) not to even chat for 2 minutes

I feel so bad about it now, what if he was lonely and doesn’t get to chat to many people and I’ve completely shut him down. He was so friendly and nice and looked a bit deflated when I wasn’t interested in talking to him and I feel so guilty about it all now

sounds silly and dramatic but I’m an over thinker and can’t shake off the guilt about it, especially after overhearing those other people too

You don’t owe anyone anything but you could have been more polite just by telling him the truth. People need to stand up for themselves!

Are your migraines that horrendous then if you would have chatted with him? I know I wouldn’t be able to when I am having one of mine. Don’t be so judgmental. She doesn’t need to act differently. Maybe the man should act differently next time and not impose his convo repeatedly on someone who doesn’t want it

I think it’s maybe because migraines hit everyone differently. It’s great you would be able to do it but I cant. I was focusing on not vomiting all over him nevermind chatting to him! I had a horrendous aura too. Noise is a massive trigger for me, not so much light but noise makes it worse. It wouldn’t have been a distraction as the sound of my own voice was excruciating.

I don't think you were rude by the sound of it, but you are being unreasonable now by overthinking it all after it's happening and there is nothing you can do about it. Time to move on and let it go!

Don't beat yourself up about this @Buzzybee4 He and they will have forgotten about it by now and you're still torturing yourself. It sounds like you're a caring person because you'll still thinking about it. Just cut yourself some slack and I hope you feel better.💐

I would do except you're banging on so much and clogging up the thread with your tedious-in-the-extreme posts. 😊

Oh. Another troll hunter. Tedious.

I agree with you. I wouldn’t be able to be polite with a migraine. I’ve had ones so bad that I couldn’t stand up. All I want to do is cocoon in a darkened room. And please don’t acquiesce to the demands to link your other threads by pm or otherwise.

as I was getting off in Edinburgh I heard a few people chatting about how rude I was and I couldn’t even be bothered to talk to that man for more than 10 seconds and he was just being polite and is clearly lonely and how rude and selfish some people are (me) not to even chat for 2 minutes

Were they all deaf as well such that they didn't hear you tell your seat mate you weren't well?

Anyway, always carry a paper and pen to write notes. Failing that, I would have typed a note on my phone to let him know I wasn't well and needed rest.

Why are people taking such umbridge to the idea that people would be chatting about it? It was a few people sitting together nearby. I don’t know what they heard or didn’t hear. Whatever they heard, they felt I was rude. They were chatting about it. Happy? A pen and paper would have been helpful, although honestly I felt so rubbish that even if I had it with me I wouldn’t have even thought to use it.

exactly! I didn’t even think my post was remotely troll like but apparently anything on here is a troll post! Honestly, sometimes troll hunters ruin more threads here than bloody trolls do.

Well none of the people talking about you went to chat to him did they?

I hate this honestly, carrying a conversation for literally hours is hard work and exhausting. You do not owe men you time or effort just because they want to talk. For context, a bloke did this to me from London to Bristol and I told him I was tired and needed to sleep, but he kept on at me, and by the time I got back it was 11pm and he followed me off the bus. Genuinely was quite scary and intimidating. It doesn't matter if he was in his 80s he shouldn't assume you're happy to entertain him on a 10 hour bus journey.

Why are people taking such umbridge to the idea that people would be chatting about it? It was a few people sitting together nearby. I don’t know what they heard or didn’t hear. Whatever they heard, they felt I was rude. They were chatting about it. Happy?

I wasn't "taking umbrage" at all. I don't give a shiny shit about the issue. I was asking - or so I thought - a reasonable question in response to what seemed a peculiar situation, whereby people were sitting close enough to notice him talking the hind legs of a donkey with apparently no response from you, yet not close enough to hear you tell him you were unwell. I mean, if they weren't close enough to hear you say that, how could they know that you weren't responding to him?

And then I offered a reasonable solution - appreciate when you're feeling bad you may have thought to use it but if the situation arises again, hopefully you'll remember then.

I wish my migraines were like yours. I can barely move let alone hold a conversation. As for what difference it made - if I could get on a bus in the first place in that state, it might make the difference between whether I simply suffer terribly through the ride or puke all over the bus/him. Literally.

My migraines would also mean I didn't give one bit of care about what anyone else was saying about it, because all I'd want was to get to the next place I could sit or lie down.

Did they aye? He couldn’t hear you get kept chatting away aye?

It's not uncommon with late deafened people (don't know this chap's circumstance, of course) to do that. I know quite a few - my area of work - who admit to hogging conversations because they fear being 'caught out' when their interlocuter starts speaking and they aren't able to follow.

Apologies but with the emoji you posted it certainly comes across like it. Honestly, I don’t know. Presumably they heard him chatting away and perhaps saw me ignoring him or sleeping. I’m not sure but i most certainly didn’t embellish it like many other people on here seem to believe

I think this would have been a perfectly polite, acceptable and friendly way of explaining and I'm sure he wouldn't have tried to continue keeping you awake.

People don't have the ability to read the minds of strangers, so a little heads up might have been useful in this situation.

Hope your headache is better now x

Oh rubbish.

He should not have persisted in trying to force a conversation on someone who was clearly not wanting to interact. She doesn't owe him an explanation at all as to why. Women are not required to entertain bored men.

He was the rude one here, not her.

I never, ever, board any form of public transport these days without noise-cancelling earphones.

This thread is a pertinent reminder as to why.

Its obvious who doesn't have a person like this man in their life. There are people who monologue at you, its not a 2 way conversation, they have zilch social skills or consideration, they just talk at you. @Buzzybee4 you have my sympathy, someone like that is hell to deal with even when you are feeling 100%

@Hocuspocusnonsense no dear, you’re talking complete bollocks and probably suffer from nothing worse than a bad headache. You wouldn’t be chatting to anyone if you had an actual migraine. FFS!

When I have a migraine, my vision goes completely for minutes at a time and I start projectile vomiting.

I definitely wouldn’t have caught a bus even for a five minute journey. The motion alone would have been pure torture.

@Cherchezlafemme77 you'd had 8+ posts deleted. That should tell you to cherchez within yourself.

YANBU @Buzzybee4