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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Being ostracised by friends over kink at Pride

257 replies

TheEverlovingFork · 07/06/2023 20:07

Ok first of all I am a) completely willing to be told I'm in the wrong and b) bisexual myself, but I am also a fairly conservative churchgoer and I'm aware my feelings might be really outdated.

Basically some friends and I were talking about Pride month and I said I didn't agree with explicit kink in the public parades, like the more extreme leather fetish gear and puppy-play and so on, because I think that no matter what your orientation is, being proud of your sexual identity doesn't equate to simulating/practising it in public. If i saw a straight couple in leather underpants grinding on each other in public I would wonder if they were unwell.

I completely understand the being able to kiss and hold hands and show romantic affection in public as that is an unthinking privilege heterosexual people have and it should be ok for all LBGT people. I've come in for a lot of homophobic abuse myself over the years for holding hands with a partner. I really get that aspect.

I just don't feel explicit bedroom antics are ok in the parades, and now I'm being told I'm a reactionary and not supportive of the community. I'm a member of the community myself, am I supposed to meld into the new acceptable groupthink as a bisexual? Didn't get the memo.

Anyway, maybe I am just uptight because of my religious beliefs. I don't know. If i had children I would not want them to see some of the the things I've seen in parades.

OP posts:
bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg · 09/06/2023 12:25

DisquietintheRanks · 09/06/2023 11:46

The T is not just men, it includes an awful lot of women.

Young women, who are frequently autistic or sexual abuse survivors.

ScrollingLeaves · 09/06/2023 13:36

bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg

What has happened to LangCleg?

DisquietintheRanks · 09/06/2023 13:45

bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg · 09/06/2023 12:25

Young women, who are frequently autistic or sexual abuse survivors.

Yes, and a lot of young trans men are autistic or have mh problems also. One of (many) reasons that the whole trans movement is so concerning.

But autistic or not there are still many (young) women embracing a trans identity. Their disability doesn't negate their sex.

Naunet · 09/06/2023 13:46

Totally agree with you OP, pervy men seem to be getting more and more bold right now.

slashlover · 09/06/2023 13:47

OP, you've been on here for a while. Did you honestly think that posters on MN were going to say YWBU?

nilsmousehammer · 09/06/2023 14:18

OP, if you said this anywhere but this forum which permits people to have other views than sealion clapping and cheer slogans, and doesn't ban for daring to say anything else, would you honestly think those posters would let you speak or have your opinion?

🙄

silverlentils · 09/06/2023 14:21

Swrigh1234 · 07/06/2023 20:25

Why is this kind of behaviour more prevalent in same sex attracted people?

It's not really, it's just that people who are into kinks align themselves under the LGBTQ+ umbrella

chaosmaker · 09/06/2023 14:48

StarmanBobby · 08/06/2023 12:37

'Ah, a gay man speaks and so that's everyone told. Male privilege just oozes out, doesn't it?

I'm a lesbian, Bobby, and I say keep kink behind closed doors.'

I see it's not the straights who jump to stereotypes... I'm a lesbian. I don't have male anything let alone privilege and my comment wasn't about being happy about kink, it was actually in response to the posters homophobia about her GAY nephew being 'normal' ie straight acting.

Why are you equating 'normal' with straight acting. Surely the point of pride is that all consensual relationships are seen as 'normal'. Nothing to do with sexuality.

StarmanBobby · 09/06/2023 14:53

Again NOT a gay man. Lesbian.

FelisCatus0 · 09/06/2023 15:01

StarmanBobby · 09/06/2023 14:53

Again NOT a gay man. Lesbian.

The point is gay people fought for the right to be seen as normal, not freaks. That being gay is as normal as being hetero. The current Pride is undoing everything it originally was being about. The first prides were people dressed in ordinary clothes/work clothes.

Verv · 09/06/2023 15:07

FelisCatus0 · 09/06/2023 15:01

The point is gay people fought for the right to be seen as normal, not freaks. That being gay is as normal as being hetero. The current Pride is undoing everything it originally was being about. The first prides were people dressed in ordinary clothes/work clothes.

100%

bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg · 09/06/2023 19:41

chaosmaker · 09/06/2023 14:48

Why are you equating 'normal' with straight acting. Surely the point of pride is that all consensual relationships are seen as 'normal'. Nothing to do with sexuality.

The point of Pride was to normalise same-sex attraction, not to normalise kink.

bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg · 09/06/2023 19:43

ScrollingLeaves · 09/06/2023 13:36

bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg

What has happened to LangCleg?

She was a FWR regular who was banned for refusing to self-censor about a certain issue.

MovinGroovinBarbie · 14/06/2023 14:52

bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg · 09/06/2023 19:43

She was a FWR regular who was banned for refusing to self-censor about a certain issue.

I thought it was because she was really aggressive to the mods in her PMs and they just thought fuck it and banned her after they'd had enough abuse.

endofthelinefinally · 14/06/2023 14:57

MovinGroovinBarbie · 14/06/2023 14:52

I thought it was because she was really aggressive to the mods in her PMs and they just thought fuck it and banned her after they'd had enough abuse.

As I recall it was partly because there was confusion between the words "monitor" and "moderator".
Monitors being the TRAs who monitor FWR threads and posters and report them.
Moderators being the MN staff who moderate and respond to posters and monitors.
There was an explanation of the term "gaslighting" involved as well I think.

YoucancallmeKAREN · 14/06/2023 16:22

chaosmaker · 09/06/2023 14:48

Why are you equating 'normal' with straight acting. Surely the point of pride is that all consensual relationships are seen as 'normal'. Nothing to do with sexuality.

I never said my nephew was straight acting at all. I said he wanted a go to work come home, do some chores, slump in front of the tv before doing it all again. So how the hell that is homophobic, i don't know but i will be sure to let him know that some woman with a seriously wrong outlook thinks he is homophobic.

VickyEadieofThigh · 14/06/2023 16:38

YANBU. LGB Alliance on Facebook is full of LGB people saying how pissed off they are with the whole shebang.

MooseBreath · 14/06/2023 16:42

I am heterosexual, but am supportive of Pride. I had always planned on taking my DC to the parades. I will not be taking them now because of the kink and fetish additions, as it is massively inappropriate.

bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg · 14/06/2023 16:53

MovinGroovinBarbie · 14/06/2023 14:52

I thought it was because she was really aggressive to the mods in her PMs and they just thought fuck it and banned her after they'd had enough abuse.

Quite possibly. The fun aspect of someone being banned for undisclosed reasons it that the rest of us can never be 100% sure why.

chaosmaker · 14/06/2023 18:34

YoucancallmeKAREN · 14/06/2023 16:22

I never said my nephew was straight acting at all. I said he wanted a go to work come home, do some chores, slump in front of the tv before doing it all again. So how the hell that is homophobic, i don't know but i will be sure to let him know that some woman with a seriously wrong outlook thinks he is homophobic.

I don't think my comment was aimed at you. It was aimed at the person answering you who went on about 'straight acting' whatever that is!

chaosmaker · 14/06/2023 18:36

bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg · 09/06/2023 19:41

The point of Pride was to normalise same-sex attraction, not to normalise kink.

Exactly! that is what I said.... my previous comment also said that.

Jenniferturkington · 14/06/2023 18:39

OMG the puppy play. A member of support staff at a local school (who is straight if that’s relevant) goes to Pride and his wife has him on a leash (with full fetish clothing). Kids from the school watch the parade.

YANBU 🐕 🐾

OMG12 · 14/06/2023 19:14

Jenniferturkington · 14/06/2023 18:39

OMG the puppy play. A member of support staff at a local school (who is straight if that’s relevant) goes to Pride and his wife has him on a leash (with full fetish clothing). Kids from the school watch the parade.

YANBU 🐕 🐾

That person isn’t fit to be round children

MovinGroovinBarbie · 14/06/2023 23:06

Maybe he should just 'bring his whole self to work' and rock the gimp suit in the classroom too. 🤷‍♀️😂

Lifescary · 15/06/2023 06:38

Whatever happened to their body, their choice?

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