Being ostracised by friends over kink at Pride

[TheEverlovingFork]

Ok first of all I am a) completely willing to be told I'm in the wrong and b) bisexual myself, but I am also a fairly conservative churchgoer and I'm aware my feelings might be really outdated.

Basically some friends and I were talking about Pride month and I said I didn't agree with explicit kink in the public parades, like the more extreme leather fetish gear and puppy-play and so on, because I think that no matter what your orientation is, being proud of your sexual identity doesn't equate to simulating/practising it in public. If i saw a straight couple in leather underpants grinding on each other in public I would wonder if they were unwell.

I completely understand the being able to kiss and hold hands and show romantic affection in public as that is an unthinking privilege heterosexual people have and it should be ok for all LBGT people. I've come in for a lot of homophobic abuse myself over the years for holding hands with a partner. I really get that aspect.

I just don't feel explicit bedroom antics are ok in the parades, and now I'm being told I'm a reactionary and not supportive of the community. I'm a member of the community myself, am I supposed to meld into the new acceptable groupthink as a bisexual? Didn't get the memo.

Anyway, maybe I am just uptight because of my religious beliefs. I don't know. If i had children I would not want them to see some of the the things I've seen in parades.

You know you'll get support here because mn is extremely prudish and anti kink. No true friend would ostracised you for an opinion. Otoh you can't expect universal agreement for a view you state yourself to be "conservative".

Same. This is also why I avoid Pride.

I wholeheartedly agree. I cannot stand the overt fetishism either. I recently encountered a group of trans women in a pub/theatre. They were dressed in Japanese kinky school girl outfits, with bondage elements and clutching teddy bears! Wholly wrong! School girls rks should not be portrayed in a sexualised way fullstop. I also cannot abide the need of a certain type of (usually young gay man) to portray themselves in a bitchy caricature way. I feel as though surely we have moved on from the need to represent themselves in a false/dramatic/melodramatic bitchy way. It undermines the many gay/LGBT people out there who are lovely, not remotely bitchy and not attention seeking. I also object to Drag Queens who insult the image of women and portray gay men in a negative bawdy light. My father was gay (sadly he passed away from cancer at a young age thirty years ago). He was a nice normal family man. By all means where what you want at pride events (bright colours, carnival type costumes, express yourself and celebrate your differences, but don't sexualise/fetishise/adopt a fake persona or stray into the realms of dressing as sexualised school girls! Just make it a nice diverse happy and family friendly event.

It's anti kink to want people to keep it private and not walk down the street half naked and with ball gags, whipping each other while children stroke them?

Hell yes I'm anti kink if that's the alternative!

Do what the hell you want in private. Just don't make people watch you walk past dressed in a strategic sock on elastic, pleasuring yourself with a pineapple while someone has your nipples hooked up to a car battery.

Honest to god it's getting like the orgy days of the Roman bloody empire. I've seen more genitals on TV than in my personal relationships and I fully expect to see the first Heinz beans ad where they're using a can as a dildo any day now. Flicking beans means heinz.

Pride is about ‘love who you want’. With children that’s what we should be teaching them.

Granted when they are older they can learn that you can have sexual relationships for enjoyment without being in love but that’s not a conversation for children. So I agree with you. We should be showing children it’s okay to love or like whoever regardless if it’s the same sex but we don’t need to parade sexual interests to children. It wouldn’t be appropriate for straight couples to display whips and chains and leather fetish outfits infront of kids so we don’t need to for gay pride.

and I say all that as someone who has attempted gay pride many times with her gay male friends

Pearls, of course. My banner says 'down with this sort of thing'.

And ones best judgey pants for hoiking.

You are very definitely not being unreasonable, from an out and proud lesbian.

Pride is about ‘love who you want’. With children that’s what we should be teaching them.

So long as that clearly includes 'sex between freely consenting adults only', of course.

I don't think you are a prude - just have boundaries!! And that is the problem at the moment. The minute you say - hang on a minute I don't think this is right - you are attacked. Be a proud that you actually have self dignity.

I really think Prude marches could be whole new way of meeting people.

"I am deeply kinky and a secret dyke, but I wear Marks and Spencer's slacks."

It's a lot more interesting in peeling the layers of someone than effectively seeing them display the contents of the hard drive in public.

@TheEverlovingFork I'm fairly liberated in how I think about sex and I totally agree with you. Kinks are a private matter for the people involved. Saw a brilliant programme on lesbians that you can stream on All 4 called Rebel Dykes about fairly recent history and that was fascinating when it came to disagreements within the lesbian factions about how they should have sex. Along with Greenham Common and the forming of Stonewall.

Hard agree with every one of your posts.

Yes, I don’t think the vast majority of LGBT people would dream of behaving like that in public. Certainly not the people I know. It’s worrying that we can’t call out inappropriate behaviour at Pride without being labelled as bigots.

There's a difference between wearing a leather peaked cap or a spandex leotard on stage and having children pat your head whilst near-naked in a puppy mask. The difference is the close proximity of and physical contact with children. Freddie's leotards covered more than most men's swimwear. The puppy fetishists can't say the same about what they are wearing.

She says she’s conservative in general for context. This particular view is not so much conservative as pretty bog standard, most of us are parents and want to avoid exposing our children to overt sexuality and kinks.

I remember dancing along behind a Pride parade in London 25 years ago. I’m a straight woman, but it was just a camp, slightly saucy and over the top party atmosphere and the gays and lesbians seemed happy for us straights to join in. Sounds like it has changed a lot, what a shame.

The ridiculous display of sexual fetishism at Pride events totally excludes many cultural cohorts from taking part. The UK is incredibly multicultural and the sexual fetish side of Pride is totally running roughshod over many cultures ability to be part of the movement. That is exclusionary, not inclusive. It's a sham.

YANBU

I am queer I find this insulting, friends of mine in the 80s were constantly heckled with this term and one was half kicked to death by a gang of men calling him queer. It's so sad to see straight people taking this term for themselves when all the gay people I knew wanted to be considered not queer at all. What an insult. It's dragging gay rights backwards.

Your friends are arseholes.

Yeah, I don't enjoy seeing men I am not shagging in budgie smugglers, or men I am shagging for that matter.

I have wondered if part of the reason this has happened is that the majority of normal gay men don't get really involved in Pride or many other sexuality related organizations.They aren't creating floats, or going to meetings, or making political activism the center of their lives. They have friends, jobs, hobbies, families, mostly things which have nothing to do with sexuality, that take up most of their time and energy.

So they aren't part of the group that is setting the agenda for these events.

Do these weirdos that dress up in weird puppy gimp outfits or furries whatever they are actually fantasize or possibly actually have sex with dogs or animals??? if so I think the RSPCA need to go to these pride events!
why are men so fkin weird. I'd better make sure my dog is safely in the house come Augusts pride event near me! 🤣

100% in agreement with you on this.

I think I'll wear a lovely tea dress and cardi. Sensible shoes obviously. Maybe a tasteful scarf.

Banner reads: "You're not gay. Put it away"

Off the top of my head. Might need work.

Lucky to not know anyone like this.