Being ostracised by friends over kink at Pride

[TheEverlovingFork]

Ok first of all I am a) completely willing to be told I'm in the wrong and b) bisexual myself, but I am also a fairly conservative churchgoer and I'm aware my feelings might be really outdated.

Basically some friends and I were talking about Pride month and I said I didn't agree with explicit kink in the public parades, like the more extreme leather fetish gear and puppy-play and so on, because I think that no matter what your orientation is, being proud of your sexual identity doesn't equate to simulating/practising it in public. If i saw a straight couple in leather underpants grinding on each other in public I would wonder if they were unwell.

I completely understand the being able to kiss and hold hands and show romantic affection in public as that is an unthinking privilege heterosexual people have and it should be ok for all LBGT people. I've come in for a lot of homophobic abuse myself over the years for holding hands with a partner. I really get that aspect.

I just don't feel explicit bedroom antics are ok in the parades, and now I'm being told I'm a reactionary and not supportive of the community. I'm a member of the community myself, am I supposed to meld into the new acceptable groupthink as a bisexual? Didn't get the memo.

Anyway, maybe I am just uptight because of my religious beliefs. I don't know. If i had children I would not want them to see some of the the things I've seen in parades.

What on earth is a tea dress?

@Reluctantadult There is also a great documentary called Rebel Dykes on All 4 that is about the history of lesbianism and includes a lot of stuff on the disagreements about sex which goes back decades. Interesting watch!

100% agree. Pride seems to be a day out for exhibitionist types lately - most of whom are straight anyway.

I agree with you. In my area (about 15 years ago) there were quite raunchy floats, and to me that's not actually what it's about and if anything detracts. I'm not sure why, but it's changed alot now and very family friendly, a place where people can take their kids which I think is a nice thing

I’m up for Prude. Channelling my inner Mary Whitehouse minus the homophobia.

My 14 yo dd would be up for it too. Very much so in fact.

This has been a very interesting thread to read. I am saddened by the people who have felt excluded by their own event.

OP, I hope you have other friends who love you as you are. I do like the concept of Prude Month though. Can we have that 12 months in a row each year?

However, what I have found interesting is the tone of this thread vs one recently about the people in IKEA on leashes. On that thread there were quite a few posters who declared that was perfectly acceptable behaviour. Plus on other threads the fetishists are always minimised to being insignificant and ‘being weaponised’ while almost never happening (according to some). It always feels gaslighty to be told people on leashes in IKEA are perfectly acceptable and ‘just a bit of fun’. I am quite encouraged by this thread. So thank you OP.

They are bullies not friends. Find new friends as you can see most people agree with you.

regardless if it’s the same sex but we don’t need to parade sexual interests to children. It wouldn’t be appropriate for straight couples to display whips and chains and leather fetish outfits infront of kids so we don’t need to for gay pride

Lots of talk here about it being a family event - and mind the children

Adults don’t want to see it - let’s not use children and detract!

I totally agree that’s it’s a lots of people are rejecting pride, maybe it’s been in the news too much and it’s more of a show than reality.

Kinks how no place being acted out in public. You have no right to involve non consenting people, children and others that are unable to consent in sex acts.

I'm sure plenty of us that see this as totally unacceptable have kinks. It is not prudish to respect people's boundaries, particularly when it comes to sex.

Perhaps if you can't see the harm, or accuse others of kink shaming or prudishness, you may be in the priveleged position of not having been sexually violated in your life.

Sorry for typos. have no place

lots of people are rejecting pride

Lots of people rejected Pride when it sold its soul for corporate sponsorship.
When you've got "brought to you in partnership with Barclays" you know something has gone very wrong.
And no - shoving the Pride flag on everything doesn't stop homophobia.

You know you'll get support here because mn is extremely prudish and anti kink.

@Timesawastin plenty of women on the relationships board and so on are vocally into safe, sane BDSM and kink in private. Do you think it's prudish (wow, there's that word again), because they don't want to see it in the street?

Completely agree. There is sometimes an aggressiveness to the oversexualisation - like it’s being purposely thrust in people’s faces to make a point. I sometimes wonder if it is intimidating to the very young LGBTQ+ also. It takes away from the wonderful love is love message of Pride in my opinion because it is so aggressive in its messaging.

I really think Prude marches could be whole new way of meeting people.

"I am deeply kinky and a secret dyke, but I wear Marks and Spencer's slacks."

See you there with my windproof hiking jacket (it's non-down insulated, saucy!😂)

Totally agree with you. I have been saying for years that the whole pride thing as been sexualised beyond belief. I was ripped to shreds on here 5 years ago because i said i thought it was wrong for a gay guy to be taking his child to a pride march whilst him and his new gay partner were wearing leather trousers with the arse cut out of them. My nephew is gay and is embarrassed and ashamed of the whole pride thing, he just wants a normal life and sees no reason to parade his sexuality as do many other LGBT people. It is time pride was put to bed.

The closest straight equivalent I can think of would be something like a hen party (or a stag I guess). I went on one once where the brides 12year old little sister came too but it was outdoor adventure activities, followed by some sort of chocolate making thing, dinner in a nice hotel and a spa day the next day. Fine. If said 12 year old had been dragged out on an extended night in blackpool with everyone in T-shirts with sexual slogans, male strippers and watching the adults around her get drunker and drunker and more and more leery than I would judge. And I think most people would be cross if they were expecting an adult hen night and someone dragged their kids along. Even a tame evening sitting around a holiday cottage drinking wine would have a really different atmosphere if kids were there.

@TheEverlovingFork

Not a windproof jacket! That's too decadent

faints

Gay or straight, sex people are the absolute worst. Like, no one cares if it takes a full male voice cboir in Bo Peep bonnets and rubber harnesses to get off, you crack on, just don't bore me with it.

Kinky people are fine by me and should be able to crack on with their (consenting) preferences in private, but I am always reminded of Bill Bryson when he went to the Reeperbahn, musing he was astonished how much effort it took for some people to get off.

.

Ha ha!

They're sex people Lynne!

I completely agree with you. My understanding of Pride was that everyone should be able to love who they love, and not have to hide that fact. It was never about being able to demonstrate exactly how that lust/love might play out.

You need better friends. Many of my gay friends don't think the 'puppy' lot should be a Pride dressed like that, a few defend the right for anyone to dress how they like a Pride, but your friends 'ostracizing' you over a difference of opinion means they aren't friends.
My mean 'beef' with the extremes like these are that they are very, VERY few in the 10s of 1000s of gay people just getting on with Pride, but they garner all the attention for obvs reasons. Either in outraged posts about Pride being full of perverts or by photographers who know the weird and extreme makes a better photo.

'My nephew is gay and is embarrassed and ashamed of the whole pride thing, he just wants a normal life'

Your homophobia is showing, pet. 'Normal' is it? Looks like a nice 'normal' straight boy, does he?
Luckily straight people don't get to decide what's appropriate for us gays. I'm often told I'm 'normal' and nice, because I have kids and don't 'look' gay.
Except I do look gay, because I am gay. It's just that many straight people - probably you, poster- feel more relaxed around me than butch women for example.

Your nephew sounds like he's struggling with internal homophobia, TBH. Ashamed of ALL of Pride? He should read up on what it really means, Pride marches and protests over the years have made the world a safer more excepting place for him.