Being ostracised by friends over kink at Pride

[TheEverlovingFork]

Ok first of all I am a) completely willing to be told I'm in the wrong and b) bisexual myself, but I am also a fairly conservative churchgoer and I'm aware my feelings might be really outdated.

Basically some friends and I were talking about Pride month and I said I didn't agree with explicit kink in the public parades, like the more extreme leather fetish gear and puppy-play and so on, because I think that no matter what your orientation is, being proud of your sexual identity doesn't equate to simulating/practising it in public. If i saw a straight couple in leather underpants grinding on each other in public I would wonder if they were unwell.

I completely understand the being able to kiss and hold hands and show romantic affection in public as that is an unthinking privilege heterosexual people have and it should be ok for all LBGT people. I've come in for a lot of homophobic abuse myself over the years for holding hands with a partner. I really get that aspect.

I just don't feel explicit bedroom antics are ok in the parades, and now I'm being told I'm a reactionary and not supportive of the community. I'm a member of the community myself, am I supposed to meld into the new acceptable groupthink as a bisexual? Didn't get the memo.

Anyway, maybe I am just uptight because of my religious beliefs. I don't know. If i had children I would not want them to see some of the the things I've seen in parades.

I think Pride is great, celebrations, parades etc. I like that marchers wear harnesses and leather pants, even collars! But the puppy play, people walking on leads etc is not appropriate for pride marches in the daytime. There are hundreds of safe kink events where this happens, where everyone consents to seeing it. The last time I was involved in a pride event a man was flogging another man in the high street.

Ah, a gay man speaks and so that's everyone told. Male privilege just oozes out, doesn't it?

I'm a lesbian, Bobby, and I say keep kink behind closed doors.

The homophobia is rife!!!

Nah it's a bunch of exhibitionists with BDSM. Nothing to do with same sex attraction

Please explain to me how it is homophobic to say that you wish Pride just celebrated love and that people can love one another whether they are gay/straight/bi/trans/whatever but that overtly displaying sexual kinks and fetishes in public is non-inclusive and is anti consent?

I'll wait.

Yanbu I have several gay/lesbian family members who don't go because of this. It's just getting utterly ridiculously OTT now

You think it's homophobic to object to fetish displays in public?

So you're saying that a fundamental part of being gay is the need and desire to perform sexually in public and to object to that is to object to same sex attraction.

Tbh I think that attitude is more homophobic than saying keep sexual things private.

Same experience different city. Honestly was almost at a loss for words when my then 11 year old dd asked about them but managed " different people like different fancy dress and different activities. It's odd to us but they seem to enjoy it."

Avoided it ever since. We used to think of Pride as an event families could attend and enjoy during which a long stigmatised community showed pride in who they are..It used to be an explosion of fun and colour.. but not any more.

Being LGBQT is no reason for parading your personal fetishism in front of the wider community including children. OP ask those critising you how they'd react to a groupnof straight people parading like that in front of children...

You people think it isn’t homophobic to describe some gays as ‘normal’ when compared to others?

Should I judge other women who have children as less ‘normal’ because they have a fetish for unprotected protected sex?

Should I call a woman with an only fans account a slut?

Or would that be inappropriate?

I know you won’t agree but this thread wouldn’t have been stared if there wasn’t extreme views.

Do I want to see a lesbian in leather fetish wear at a pride march? No but I can’t always get what I want.

Is flapping about it on MN the best we can do? Probably not but if you have nothing better to do on a Thursday morning then we can’t really expect anything better.

I don’t think it’s normal to act out one’s sexual fetishes in public, regardless of your sexuality. Get a room!

You are setting up a straw man argument.

The only reference to "normal" anyone has made isn't saying that a gay person must behave like a straight person. We are saying that it is not normal to want to display overly sexualised behaviour or simulate sex acts in front of non consenting adults and children. That is a totally normal opinion held by many people on this thread whether they are gay or straight.

I'm a blokey lesbian and I'm utterly ashamed of what Pride has become.

Gay liberation was about equality and normalcy for gay people.
It was not about being able to hang our arses and dildos out in public, neither was it about being to crawl about on leads displaying kink.

We fought to be unremarkable, not a circus.

OP YANBU.

You haven’t explained why it’s not homophobia. I’ve been accused of being homophobic.

How can you educate me to ensure I don’t offend the LGBTQ community or behave in a homophobic way?

You haven’t explained why it’s not homophobia. I’ve been accused of being homophobic.

How can you educate me to ensure I don’t offend the LGBTQ community or behave in a homophobic way?

Although you are trying hard to set up the world's most transparent gotcha, sure, I think we can help.

'I fully support the LGBTQ+ community's right to fall in love with whichever consenting adult they wish and enjoy all equal opportunities both socially and economically that their heterosexual counterparts enjoy, I personally object to watching displays of explicit kink in a public space, whether by straight or LGBTQ+ folks, as it violates the kink community's own principles of consent around participation in sexual activities.'

There, not homophobia, you just don't enjoy watching sex acts from literally anyone in public. HTH.

Is flapping about it on MN the best we can do? Probably not but if you have nothing better to do on a Thursday morning then we can’t really expect anything better.

Enjoy doing something else ✌

You people think it isn’t homophobic to describe some gays as ‘normal’ when compared to others?

You've got a comprehension issue here, Stemstem. We're saying that kink isn't normal. The cited nephew isn't comfortable with the fetish stuff: he wants to live a quiet, normal gay life just like any other citizen without wanting to witness leathermen and pups and bondage folk. He's not unusual and you know it. It's a minority of gay men who are into kink.

I'm a lesbian, not homophobic, but with strong feminist concerns about BDSM and public displays of fetishism. I note that you have no concerns about children or about inciting a backlash against the LGB community. I am concerned about both.

Call us prudes if you want, but don't call us homophobic. We're not.

I really feel for those who are gay, lesbian or bisexual - their community, the support and action groups that helped give them a voice has now been overtaken by a bunch of fetishists (and I would include trans in that) who want us to just nod along with any shit goes. A valid human rights movement has been taken over by some very dubious characters.

@StemStem

‘Should I judge other women who have children as less ‘normal’ because they have a fetish for unprotected protected sex? ‘

So I’ve just signed up for Prude Month, but can you explain to me what ‘unprotected protected sex’ is? Is it when you wear the condom on your head instead of the more usual place? Or is it that thing that men used to do when they made a hole in it so you got pregnant anyway (this may be an urban myth)?

Do you have to have children already to do it, or can anyone join in? Do tell.

Yes, it's increasingly trans supporters and fetishists, bulked out by lots of straight people expected by their employer to turn out and march because the employer has paid for a presence at Pride.

Like Stonewall, it leaves older LGB people like me, who had to fight to achieve equality, wondering what happened to the institutions we set up and supported.

@Gymrabbit

That's my brothers view. He just happens to fancy men, he lives a very ordinary suburban lifestyle and you wouldn't guess he was gay. I'm not keen on overtly sexy clothing (swimwear aside) on anyone btw eg so called club wear which has less material than my bikini

'Ah, a gay man speaks and so that's everyone told. Male privilege just oozes out, doesn't it?

I'm a lesbian, Bobby, and I say keep kink behind closed doors.'

I see it's not the straights who jump to stereotypes... I'm a lesbian. I don't have male anything let alone privilege and my comment wasn't about being happy about kink, it was actually in response to the posters homophobia about her GAY nephew being 'normal' ie straight acting.

Personally I DON'T like the BDSM stuff that some people - including lesbian - drag out in public for Pride parades but nor do I write off ALL of Pride because of a few.
Anymore than I write it off because of all the straight people who want to come, or with the corporates who jump on the bandwagon.

@StemStem

the very word 'Kink' is rooted in the concept of a deviation from the straight line. A kink in the fabric is a place at which the fabric stops running on it's usual trajectory. In other words - a deviation from the norm.

Kinky - literally means - not as per the normal

So fuck off trying to trip everyone up and homophobe-shame people because that is not what is happening here at all.

People want to celebrate same-sex love and relationships. People want to educate their kids to do the same, but both straight and gay supporters of that concept are being pushed out of Pride which is being taken over by people (mostly men) who are clearly getting a kick out of taking their fetishes into a public space. Either because they get a sexual kick out of it or because they get to 'prove' that Margaret from Suffolk who was offended by it, is homophobic.

but can you explain to me what ‘unprotected protected sex’ is?

That was a typo.

Unprotected sex is where a woman gets off on letting a man spunk up her. There was a thread about it the other day where a woman had let so many men do it to her she got pregnant and didn’t have a clue who the father was.

This is how I feel about it, and it concerns me that the actions of those who have positioned themselves in the spotlight have a damaging effect on the rest of us who want to live "normal" lives, and I dont say normal to mean "straight acting".
I mean normal as in go to work, pay tax, go home, take the dog out, spend time with mrs, go to restaurants, hang out with friends, watch Netflix, do bloody laundry etc etc.
That's normality to me.
Couldn't pass as straight for a tenner!