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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She didn't need to tell me my weight.

215 replies

NorthRock · 02/06/2023 08:29

Just to vent as I can't share my frustration anywhere else...

I went for my NHS health check yesterday, and specifically asked not to be told my weight. I said to the nurse that I've been obsessional about it in the past and it's better for me not to know, as it sets me off... In the other questions she saw that I do cardio exercise 6 days a week, and she could see from my measurements that I'm small. I didn't want to state outright that I have a long history of eating disorders. I thought she would gauge that from everything else I'd said.

At the end of the appointment, on the card where she'd noted my BP, pulse, cholesterol etc she also wrote on my weight and BMI. She said "Oh, I know you said you didn't want to know that, but..." <tinkly laugh>

Aibu to think this was not ok? Surely she would have some awareness of EDs? I'm trying so hard not to go back to the trap of weighing and feeling compelled to lose weight, but already I'm wondering if I might buy some scales just to shave off half a stone. I've fought this for 30 years and wish she had have listened to what I was telling her.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 02/06/2023 08:31

She might have had to document it though.

Sandylanes69 · 02/06/2023 08:32

She's also very busy, and it wasn't an ED clinic - I'm sorry for your problems, but the root cause here is your ED not that nurse.

Puzzledanddissatisfied · 02/06/2023 08:32

That’s terrible. You ought to complain. That’s the exact kind of thing that could set someone off on a really destructive spiral (as I know from very bitter personal experience).

kokotheguerilla · 02/06/2023 08:33

I’d definitely feed that back to the practice, they should know if a patient has specifically asked not to know their weight there is probably issues with an ED. Perhaps the nurse is less experienced and didn’t make this connection.

My practice has feedback forms which you can fill in anonymously. Perhaps something like that would work if they have that?

I’m sorry OP. I don’t know what mechanisms you e been using for recovery and I’m sorry this has triggered you, but I’d suggest perhaps a couple of therapy sessions or other coping mechanism to make sure you don’t slip.

Original poster
NorthRock · 02/06/2023 08:35

Yes- she was writing notes to send to the GP and I consented to that. But this was written on a colourful pocket-sized card specifically for me to take home.

She said the "Oh I know you didn't want to know that" bit as though she was saying "whoops 😂" It just seemed slack and showed no awareness of how triggering this is to people recovering from EDs.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 02/06/2023 08:36

Give it as feedback and why it was so damaging for your request to be ignored.

TakeMyStrongHand · 02/06/2023 08:36

Complain. It's a simple thing that she could have not done and due to her position should be well aware of the potential repercussions.

1offnamechange · 02/06/2023 08:37

DustyLee123 · 02/06/2023 08:31

She might have had to document it though.

It's a health check not a preliminary procedure though so it's all voluntary and she wouldn't have needed to do anything.
If the card was for OP to take home nobody else would have seen whether she had written the weight or not.
If it was for the nurse to retain for their records she could have just added the weight after OP had left.
None of this would have been any inconvenience to the nurse.

Informed consent is a huge thing in the NHS, if someone asks you not to do something, which is completely reasonable and wouldn't put you out at all, and doing so would have a negative impact on the patient, there is absolutely no reason for ignoring it and doing it anyway.

LittleDonkeyKong · 02/06/2023 08:37

I think you should have out right said I don't want to know my weight as I have ED

Sandylanes69 · 02/06/2023 08:37

NorthRock · 02/06/2023 08:35

Yes- she was writing notes to send to the GP and I consented to that. But this was written on a colourful pocket-sized card specifically for me to take home.

She said the "Oh I know you didn't want to know that" bit as though she was saying "whoops 😂" It just seemed slack and showed no awareness of how triggering this is to people recovering from EDs.

She probably didn't understand that bit. I think it would be useful feedback for her, not as a complaint but as an honest explanation of how it made you feel. That gives her the opportunity to learn and amend her practice.

Original poster
NorthRock · 02/06/2023 08:38

Sandylanes69 · 02/06/2023 08:32

She's also very busy, and it wasn't an ED clinic - I'm sorry for your problems, but the root cause here is your ED not that nurse.

Yes of course, but it was a half hour appointment, so more than a fleeting, rushed set of notes.

I would not recommend that people with EDs attend these appointments if they should expect this to happen even when they ask for it not to. Which is not great, as a heart health check is pretty useful for someone with a history of EDs.

OP posts:
drpet49 · 02/06/2023 08:38

Sandylanes69 · 02/06/2023 08:32

She's also very busy, and it wasn't an ED clinic - I'm sorry for your problems, but the root cause here is your ED not that nurse.

This.

PumpkinSly · 02/06/2023 08:39

You could raise it with the surgery as a complaint but If you didn't explicitly tell her you have an ED and that knowing your weight can be harmful she probably didn't realise. Lots of women have issues with their weight without it being an eating disorder or an obsession. I bet she hears similar comments all the time. Would it have been on your notes that you have an eating disorder?

I think you might be better off focusing your efforts into contacting whatever support system you use, eg a counsellor, to help you over this hump before you start to spiral.

WetBandits · 02/06/2023 08:39

That’s not on ☹️

I weigh people every day for contraception and if they don’t want to know their weight, I don’t tell them!

Sleepybumble · 02/06/2023 08:40

She should have listened to you and followed your request. I think you need to give the practice feedback as she's ignored your request and then not taken it very seriously. For context I'm a nurse and would expect better of my colleagues

Sandylanes69 · 02/06/2023 08:40

NorthRock · 02/06/2023 08:38

Yes of course, but it was a half hour appointment, so more than a fleeting, rushed set of notes.

I would not recommend that people with EDs attend these appointments if they should expect this to happen even when they ask for it not to. Which is not great, as a heart health check is pretty useful for someone with a history of EDs.

Show quote history

I definitely think she would benefit from some constructively worded feedback from you, to raise her awareness. A good healthcare professional should want to keep learning and doing better.

notanicepersonapparently · 02/06/2023 08:42

I’m sorry but I think the onus was on you to disclose why you didn’t want to know given it was a medical situation. I can imagine that an awful lot of women say they don’t want to know in a half joking way and so she wasn’t alert to your distress.

Original poster
NorthRock · 02/06/2023 08:43

LittleDonkeyKong · 02/06/2023 08:37

I think you should have out right said I don't want to know my weight as I have ED

That is something that if I didn't have an ED, I would definitely thought sensible to have done. But EDs come with a weight of shame, and actually if you are now normal/low normal BMI you risk someone saying that they wouldn't have guessed because you look normal. That's happened to me in the past, and other people with EDs will know how triggering it is. It's difficult to explain to someone without the condition, but it's like standing on the edge of a cliff not wanting to fall in again.

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 02/06/2023 08:44

WetBandits · 02/06/2023 08:39

That’s not on ☹️

I weigh people every day for contraception and if they don’t want to know their weight, I don’t tell them!

Would you not consider that they should know if they are of a dangerous weight?
Would you not tell someone if they had very high blood pressure? Or low iron, or high cholesterol?

This HCP wrote the weight on a card. The OP had the choice whether to take the card or not. The HCP has to do their job. Imagine if the protocol says she must give the patient a complete record of the appointment, but doesn’t, and something happens to the patient linked to the findings?

mynameiscalypso · 02/06/2023 08:44

She didn't, you're right. And it's pretty shit that you ignored your explicit instructions. For what it's worth, I refuse to be weighed in those sort of circumstances and no HCP has ever been anything but supportive.

Fallowandbar · 02/06/2023 08:44

I work in healthcare and I would definitely feed that back. The fact that she said 'i know you didn't want to know' before saying it shows that it wasn't just a slip up.
And you shouldn't have to say that you've had an ED before- common sense would tell you that a lot of women are sensitive about their weight, and basic manners would say that if someone asks you not to tell them something, you don't tell them!

ScottishBeth · 02/06/2023 08:44

I agree with you - she shouldn't have told you. If you feel able I would also feed it back to the practice. With as much detail as you feel able. Hopefully she'll reflect on it and realise how important it might be. It might also make you feel better about the situation.

I'm sorry you're in this situation. 💐

notanicepersonapparently · 02/06/2023 08:45

I meant to add that I would contact your GP to make sure it doesn’t happen to you again and to help you if you are concerned about your ED resurfacing. 💐

Nordicrain · 02/06/2023 08:46

I think you ought to have said why you don't want to know. Like PPs say lots of people are sensitive or in denial about their weight and really ought to be told for their health rather that HCPs contributiung to the head in the sand approach.

All that said, perhaps you could feed back (rather than complain) to the practice as to why this was an issue for you and ask them to take this into account in the future.

mynameiscalypso · 02/06/2023 08:49

I think there's a lot of misconceptions about eating disorders on this thread. Like the OP, I feel ashamed at disclosing that I have/had an ED to medical professionals because I'm currently just pushing into overweight territory and I worry that they won't believe me or think that I'm just 'really bad' at having and ED.