She didn't need to tell me my weight.

[NorthRock]

Just to vent as I can't share my frustration anywhere else...

I went for my NHS health check yesterday, and specifically asked not to be told my weight. I said to the nurse that I've been obsessional about it in the past and it's better for me not to know, as it sets me off... In the other questions she saw that I do cardio exercise 6 days a week, and she could see from my measurements that I'm small. I didn't want to state outright that I have a long history of eating disorders. I thought she would gauge that from everything else I'd said.

At the end of the appointment, on the card where she'd noted my BP, pulse, cholesterol etc she also wrote on my weight and BMI. She said "Oh, I know you said you didn't want to know that, but..." <tinkly laugh>

Aibu to think this was not ok? Surely she would have some awareness of EDs? I'm trying so hard not to go back to the trap of weighing and feeling compelled to lose weight, but already I'm wondering if I might buy some scales just to shave off half a stone. I've fought this for 30 years and wish she had have listened to what I was telling her.

That is not what phoenix said. Do re-read her posts.

This is absolutely not about OP's eating disorder. It is about the nurse's disregard of the OP's clearly stated request.

I wonder if the nurse thought this was because the OP would obsess that she was overweight and she was telling her as if to say "oh don't worry you are really slim" . Horrifically unprofessional and ignorant but in line with the odd thing that most people have that it's fair game to comment on someone's weight if they are perceived as "slim".

I am a similar height and build to the OP and was weighed years ago at a medical appointment and got told I was too thin. I looked in amazement at the nurse as it was just bollocks, of course i wasn't. I have no idea what she was basing it on, other than in comparison to her which surely she can't have meant?

I have no idea what she was basing it on, other than in comparison to her which surely she can't have meant?

I think you hit the nail there. Some people need to learn how to keep their mouth shut and it is not about themselves.

Yep. I'm another one who read her card and felt triggered because I'm a bit heavier. This is why Eating disorder recovery programs have a no numbers rule.

I was hospitalized for years. I feel like a failure in ways because I am no longer at the bare minimum for weight. I struggle a lot still with "missing" anorexia.

I am so sorry this happened to you. No means no. You don't have to explain yourself.

But the OP doesn't have a "dangerously low" BMI. She has a healthy BMI! No need to mention it at all, as there are no concerns.

I work in mental health and often weigh people (mostly due to weight gain from certain medications but also annual health checks).

I always ask (no matter what size) if someone wants to know. I assume they don’t until told otherwise.

If someone needed support due to their weight I can address that without mentioning numbers.

I’m sorry that you experienced this @NorthRock x

The issue is the nurse ignoring an explicit request from the patient.

Suppose I say "please don't use latex gloves", and the nurse uses latex gloves and then says "oh I know you said you don't want me to, haha". Would you say "don't criticise the nurse, the real issue is your latex allergy. You can't expect her read your mind"?

Patients make requests for a reason. The nurse should never ignore a specific request, they should either ask the reason, or just follow the request.

OP I have some things that can trigger my PTSD due to sexual assault in a clinical setting plus rapes outside that. I have it written on my notes as some kind of special note, so if they read them, they'll see. Some read them some don't. So I always now bite the bullet and literally tell everybody new I come into contact with that I am uncomfortable with doing X because of my past (I say what I've said above), if X is likely to be required. I don't want to talk about it to strangers, but I feel that it's the lesser of two evils: say it vs being triggered. I've had loads of good therapy and have made massive progress but in a medical setting I just can't get it totally out of my mind.

So I haven't had time to RTFT, but I think we need to help the people trying to help us (even if we don't think they always are!) by making sure they know. Then if they're a dick, we can and should very legitimately complain.

I think you should send a "recommendation" that any HCP taking people's weight should be aware of why people may not want to know, and also make sure you say upfront "I don't want to know my weight as it can trigger a past ED." It's not fair really, but everybody is so overworked and busy they just forget sometimes. That's not great but it doesn't matter really, what matters is we're not triggered.

Great advice, HCPs generally go to work to do the best they can. They only know what they know and are just humans working in an often high pressure environment . Most love it when we get to go on training courses and learn how to do our jobs better and come away thinking well now I know that I’ll do things differently next time, e.g. becoming aware what is and isn’t helpful to say to a bereaved person, that certain things might be triggering for abuse survivors etc, there are countless things and we never stop learning. Sometimes it’s just a misunderstanding, particularly if there’s ambiguity and thought patient just jokingly meant don’t tell me my weight, although no doubt if they’ve been on an ED study day she’d know to clarify but she probably hasn’t. Obviously some nurses might have a background in mental health or family member so will be more aware. Some general feedback re how triggering the issue of weight is in those appointments would be useful for all the staff and hopefully fed back in a team meeting but definitely people being really specific if they have things that they would prefer done a certain way. Like anything if you tell people a reason for an instruction they are much more likely to remember it as it attaches a meaning to it in our brains, just how attention/psychology works

It's not fair really, but everybody is so overworked and busy they just forget sometimes. That's not great but it doesn't matter really, what matters is we're not triggered.

The nurse didn’t forget though.

She said "Oh, I know you said you didn't want to know that, but..." <tinkly laugh>

That isn’t someone forgetting or overworked. That is someone choosing to blatantly do something they were asked not to do due to their own belief about a stranger.

assumptions not belief

Complain - she KNEW you didn't want to be told your weight but still told you. And even wrote it down so you had to look at it. A tinkly laugh does not make that okay.

Just checking back in and have seen so many more very helpful and thoughtful posts. Thank you all.

I will send an email with a "recommendation", not castigating the nurse in any way but flagging that listening to a patient's request is important due to the reasons we've gone into. I think it was a case of naïvety, but which has serious unintended consequences. I know in my field that we have to be vigilant for what a person is telling us, and to that's just ingrained in my practice, so I found it surprising that another person in a position of care for a client would be oblivious to this

Thank you again, to all, and I'm sorry that so many have either been parents of sufferers, or sufferers of these medical conditions. Strength to you all.

Perfect response, and all good wishes to you for your recovery and happiness 😊.

😘