She didn't need to tell me my weight.

[NorthRock]

Just to vent as I can't share my frustration anywhere else...

I went for my NHS health check yesterday, and specifically asked not to be told my weight. I said to the nurse that I've been obsessional about it in the past and it's better for me not to know, as it sets me off... In the other questions she saw that I do cardio exercise 6 days a week, and she could see from my measurements that I'm small. I didn't want to state outright that I have a long history of eating disorders. I thought she would gauge that from everything else I'd said.

At the end of the appointment, on the card where she'd noted my BP, pulse, cholesterol etc she also wrote on my weight and BMI. She said "Oh, I know you said you didn't want to know that, but..." <tinkly laugh>

Aibu to think this was not ok? Surely she would have some awareness of EDs? I'm trying so hard not to go back to the trap of weighing and feeling compelled to lose weight, but already I'm wondering if I might buy some scales just to shave off half a stone. I've fought this for 30 years and wish she had have listened to what I was telling her.

She was wrong to do that. YANBU. It was a simple request and she could easily have complied. She didn’t, and treated your request as though it was a bit of silly fussing. I’d give feedback so that she doesn’t do it again. Feedback is better than a complaint, and it allows a useful reminder to be given to all staff about the reasons why somebody might not want to know their weight.

The best thing to do IMO is simply refuse to be weighed next time. That’s what I do.

It was on the card. She didn't get into a conversation out loud about it.

Without context, it could also be taken as a jokey comment.

Yes, she said: and she could see from my measurements that I'm small.

That sounds like a good idea tbh

You should have verbally told her when you stepped on the scales. You can’t expect them to memorise the notes of every patient they see before they see them. She should also be highlighting to someone if their weight is excessively under or over.

They should definitely be trained for this. I'm similar and have also always asked not to be made aware, which they generally complied with. I did have an awful experience once when someone decided I was (just) overweight and was literally hideous to me, interrogating me about the meals we ate at home and laughing at me disdainfully for serving my kids pizza, she was literally saying oh my God and sneering at me even though she knew I was a former anorexic and the whole thing has been a challenge for me for decades.

I have goosebumps reading this, I avoid health professionals generally whenever possible as I am terrified of being weighed or having my weight commented on. Massive trigger for me.

I don't think it's a stretch to think that health professionals should be aware that this is a trigger for EDs and if you've explicitly said not to say, it's not OK.

Immaterial unless the nurse is also hard of hearing. OP told her loud and clear not to disclose.

OP, you should have made her rewrite the card right then and there. Nothing reinforces a lesson as much as learning by doing. Putting in a complaint now won't be nearly as effective.

And no, you shouldn't have to disclose your ED. You already mentioned obsessiveness, that's plenty. If necessary, you could have added a firm "I have very good reasons for asking this, which I won't go into here."

She is slim looking at that card she posted. I suspect the nurse thought she would be pleased with her BMI. She misunderstood what OP meant when she said that she gets obsessional. In fact, I suspect that if she hadn't said anything then the nurse may not have mentioned her weight. I get weighed sometimes at the hospital and people don't usually tell me what my weight is, unless I ask.

Thank you, NorthRock. That's very kind of you. I must admit I don't think I have ever written it out like that before, and was absolutely shit scared to post it. But felt that it may help the OP to share my experience of it.

I'm so sorry to hear ED had accompanied you through your life. It's a brutal illness, it really is.

@NorthRock I do totally empathise and as a previous put patient of an ED clinic I get it.

However I would try and get in the mind set of you are actually doing really great. You’ve had an NHS health check for various things and are healthy. Having been poorly in the past that’s a great achievement and you should be pleased.

The person was doing their job and took their eye off the ball - I’ve done that at work before, no one is perfect.

The irony is that I do a state sector job where I am on the listening end of people mid-trauma. I'm often assaulted if I make what they could consider the wrong response (that's another thread) and so I have total sympathy with the strains of working in her role. But I listen to their needs carefully.

So many people saying this, who seem to be lacking comprehension skills. She didn’t ask for her weight not to be done, or recorded in her notes. She asked not to be told it herself.

Of course the cause of it being a problem is an eating disorder, however presumably you don’t advocate for direct harm to patients with long term conditions as a general rule? And it was a half hour appointment, long enough to pay attention.

I work for the NHS (nurse) and this is absolutely terrible behaviour, the nurse should have listened to you and was negligent to have written it on the card.

For some people being told their weight can be catastrophic and even life threatening (EDs have the highest mortality of any mental illness).

Op please do not let this set you back, be strong, acknowledge those uncomfortable feelings but don't act on them.

Have you read any of the Tabitha Farrah books? She's very good for adults trying to recover from EDs.

sorry but WTF - a person can't ask to be treated a certain way in their medical appt? Yes she knows she has ED - she clearly struggles with it but its not through choice.
The nurse has behaved inappropriately and I would complain as she needs reeducating on how to deal with people with ED.

I did. That's exactly what I did.

If it helps trickedbyadoughnut, I've had many a lovely practitioner since. I've never been treated like that again.

Unfortunately, in all walks of life, there is the occasional massive cunt. Just remember, there's worse things than not being the weight you'd like. You could be one of the people who do things like this to people. If I ever came across some whom I think are going to be 'firm' or pushy about it after that particular nurse, I reminded them I was very well aware and the fact I was big was not a surprise to me.

Yep and they can document it without showing you the info. I've had this before and staff have manged it.

Op please don't complain, I'm not sure why others are telling you to. Yes it's a silly thing to overlook - struggled with ED's myself and so so get where you're coming from, for a while last year I didn't even want to acknowledge my clothes size when shopping but its nobody else's fault. All a complaint will do is hurt the nurse who sounds like she was unaware but not malicious. Also, I had to learn as will you over time that other people are not fuelled by ED thoughts and views - they're not trying to hurt you and aren't as sensitive about it but they're also not the problem for not thinking in such a distorted way. The last thing a busy NHS nurse needs is a complaint over something she definitely wouldn't have intended to cause upset. If you ever want to talk to someone who has had an ED my inbox is always open, it is possible to move past fears of knowing things like your weight etc - really hard at the time but liberating when the ED no longer controls you. Best of luck OP

Thank you, Girliefriend. I will look her up. I really need something to keep me on track and save me dipping again. A good read about it may help.

In any other job, if someone asks you not to do something-you wouldn’t.
Most people are busy at work, most get distracted-this is not an excuse.
Some people are in the wrong job. Nurses should be compassionate and caring-I have found very few who are like this.

@NorthRock Well , why mention her 'tinkly' laugh, as you describe it? You are making a judgement about her and encouraging other people to be disparaging about her by using 'tinkly' as a put down.

You should not have to give a reason to the nurse, you asked her not to disclose your weight and that should be enough.

I would definitely give feedback.

Just wanted to post in support. She didn’t need to tell you your weight. Ignore those that are saying you should have explained your ED. You requested not to be told, which should have been enough, and she blatantly ignored that. She knew what she was doing. I’d definitely feed it back if you’re up to it. That doesn’t mean you’re wanting to punish her in some way like some people seem to think but she needs to know.

I have a high BMI now (mostly as a result of recovery from ED) and I have just stopped getting weighed completely. I just refuse when they ask. I still have my BP done, which is always normal. The ED support in the NHS is lacking (as are most services of course) but it’s ridiculous that you’re refused treatment based on your body size. You’re not the only person I know who has not been ‘small enough’. I’m sorry that’s been the case for you. I was also fobbed off by my GP (for different reasons) so ended up going private.

I hope this doesn’t affect you too much. I know how hard it can be not to become hyperfocused on it all.

Sorry I misread. Then I would speak to the practice manager and flag it up.