She didn't need to tell me my weight.

[NorthRock]

Just to vent as I can't share my frustration anywhere else...

I went for my NHS health check yesterday, and specifically asked not to be told my weight. I said to the nurse that I've been obsessional about it in the past and it's better for me not to know, as it sets me off... In the other questions she saw that I do cardio exercise 6 days a week, and she could see from my measurements that I'm small. I didn't want to state outright that I have a long history of eating disorders. I thought she would gauge that from everything else I'd said.

At the end of the appointment, on the card where she'd noted my BP, pulse, cholesterol etc she also wrote on my weight and BMI. She said "Oh, I know you said you didn't want to know that, but..." <tinkly laugh>

Aibu to think this was not ok? Surely she would have some awareness of EDs? I'm trying so hard not to go back to the trap of weighing and feeling compelled to lose weight, but already I'm wondering if I might buy some scales just to shave off half a stone. I've fought this for 30 years and wish she had have listened to what I was telling her.

I work in the NHS and I totally disagree. Yes, staff are very busy and I can totally understanding her forgetting and accidentally writing it in the Patient's card as part of her routine, which she no doubt does several million times a day on autopilot. But to knowingly go against a Patients wishes, and the laugh about it is just unprofessional. Yes it would have been a pain, but she should have written out another card.

This isn't a case of 'the customer is always right' as sometimes we do have to go against Patient's wishes if it's on their best interests and safety. But this nurse couldn't have made that decision without knowing WHY the Patient didn't want to know, and weighing up the risks of triggering an ED relapse against the Patient being unaware of their potentially unhealthy weight.

OP, I wouldn't necessarily complain, but as a first step I'd give official feedback or a "Patient experience letter" as we call them. Depending on much she realises she was out of order I'd then consider an official complaint.

But it clearly did register because the nurse said "oh you didn't want to know your weight!" And then write it anyway
So she was fully aware but just chose to disregard it. If she'd said "oh I'm so sorry I completely forgot you'd said about your weight" then presumably OP wouldn't have an issue.

It doesn't matter if to her (or you) it's a minor thing -patient has made a reasonable request that does not inconvenience you in anyway nor impact on your work - you should follow it!

It's the same as addressing someone as "mrs" when they've said "no its ms" -
they could have been recently widowed, separated after abuse or just sick of assumptions.

Or mispronouncing a name, being corrected and then saying it wrong again - vaguely annoying, or, if it's a "foreign sounding" name actually a racial microaggression when it happens again and again?

Are they huge issues? No! But equally so because they arent huge they are very easy to get right and doing so is the bare minimum of courtest and respect.

Nobody is suggesting that op complains and asks for the nurse to be publicly flogged - just raises it as a learning point.

Absolutely not OK OP, you should give feedback to the practice. It's not uncommon to be asked this and I always make sure people don't have to know if they don't want to, it's their voice and like you most have very good reasons for it. It's an easy thing to do, it sounds like she forgot and wrote it on the card automatically and then tried to laugh it off but she could have written another card or crossed it out so you didn't see it.

To the person who suggested most people who ask this are 'playacting' - firstly I don't think this is true, and secondly it's easy enough to check, both if you aren't sure what someone has said or if you think they really do want to know - I would just say something like "Did you want me to write your weight on your card?" or "Are you sure you don't want to know your weight" - the patient may feel annoyed to be asked twice but better than telling them something they specifically don't want to know.

Definitely complain.

Those saying "oh the nurse may not have thought of it" - well that's the point. Training/behaviour from HCPs around EDs can be shocking. The nurse should immediately think of that as a possible reason (I mean it's a fairly obvious one), but whether she does or not, should be respectful of the patient's wishes unless there's a sensible/medical reason otherwise. Not just oh I'm going to remember that you didn't want this but I'll do it anyway lol.

I’m a nurse. I work in research and clinical trials generally require me to document a patient’s height and weight. I have had a few patients ask me not to tell them their weight. So I don’t. I don’t need them to give me a reason. If they don’t want to know I don’t tell them. I can still document it without showing them or saying the figures out loud. I actually tend not to tell people unless they specifically ask because it can be triggering for so many.

This nurse was wrong to tell you. The fact that the wrote it down and acknowledged that you didn’t want to know while showing you is shocking. This wasn’t an accidental slip, this was blatant disregard for your wishes and goes against NMC core values. I would be appalled if one of my colleagues did this. You are absolutely justified in putting in a complaint.

Nah, YANBU, she shouldn't have done it. You specifically said 'please don't tell me my weight' and she purposely said it!

I reckon if you hadn't have asked her she wouldn't have told you. How mean.

Worth a complaint to the practice manager? I'm not sure. It may be worth mentioning though, how much it upset you, and how you don't understand why the nurse told you your weight when you asked her - specifically asked her - NOT to.

Hope you're OK @NorthRock

OP, I have not had an ED and have no specialist knowledge, but want to say Well Done You for the progress you have made. I hope that you can maintain your sense of autonomy and control by giving feedback to the practice rather than allowing the nurse’s mistake / unprofessional behaviour to undermine your progress.

Ongoing strength to you.

Yeah this is why I'd complain.

She heard you. You asked her not to do it. She did it despite knowing yo u didn't want her to and there was no need to do it. She didn't it whilst acknowledging you didn't want to do it. She did it whilst laughing at the fact she was doing it even though you asked her not to.

This isn't you accidentally seeing it on your notes or you asking her previously and her not remembering.

As the Mother of a beloved, now 22 year old, who I have supported through anorexia which, literally, nearly killed her, every word you have written OP resonates with me so much.

Of course you are not unreasonable. Of course your patient choice should have been heeded. Of course the nurse should have had a bit more of a clue. Those saying otherwise are frankly, bafflingly wrong.

I have practiced with my daughter phrases that she can use in such situations. Her anorexia was so severe that she had some clinical complications which required ongoing intervention. Sometimes from people whose specialism was not eating disorders. She has found saying “I very much do not want to be told my weight or BMI” kind of does the trick.

Whether or not you complain really depends on how further discussion about it will make you feel. You would not be unreasonable to do so. But if complaining is an unhelpful focus for you, don’t feel pressured to do so in the expectation that you owe it to someone else who may be similarly affected. Though that would be altruistic, in these particular circumstances your responsibility is to safeguard and protect your own well-being as best you can.

I really feel for you. Much solidarity from me.

I should add that the tinkly laugh when she gave you the card, of itself, underlines how unreasonable she was. If you decide to complain make sure you highlight that. I really do feel so cross on your behalf.

she didn’t forget she literally said she knew you didn’t want it on the card and she did it anyway. so you should certainly complain. What a shit nurse. She deliberately ignored a simple request. No need for it at all. Unless she wanted to wind you up.

I’d definitely feedback. If it’s essential the patient is given their weight/bmi not just recorded on system then surely it could be in an envelope etc. They should also make patients aware that weight/bmi will be discussed so patients can choose not to book on.
When you said I don’t want to know that was point she should have said I’m obligated to give you this information and you could have said I’ll leave now or can you put it in a sealed envelope.
I had a check recently (they invited me - it takes about 30 mins not a rushed appointment I assume they get funding for it) and don’t think I was told my weight or bmi. Just told I was low risk.

Even slimmingworld so no professional qualifications at all will not share your weight with you if you ask to ‘blind weigh’ and they never publicly say or share your weight as they realise it’s such a sensitive issue. A nurse is qualified and should be more aware.

There are people answering who clearly have no idea how triggering this can be. I also ask not to know my weight and have been respected, even all the way through my pregnancy.

If this happened to me I would send an email to the Practice Manager. Not an email complaining but an email from an education/feedback point of view. I wouldn't expect anything back but I'd want to know it had been said so that potentially you can prevent it from happening to someone else.

This. I can’t imagine that her ‘whoops’ type comment would have been made, and accompanied with a ‘tinkly laugh’ if she had been aware that she was dealing with someone with an eating disorder - she obviously thought it was light hearted and you have to take some responsibility for not alerting her to the fact that you do have a history of eating disorder.

There's so little training on ED's if any during student days unless you are specifically doing mental health nursing. I think we did 6 weeks and mostly it touched on stuff like schizophrenia, depression, BPD, etc.
If you are uncomfortable with the idea of complaining, then maybe frame it as a learning opportunity for the nurse and her colleagues.
It would be really useful to feedback, the more people are educated on this the less likely they are to repeat it.

You can tell some posters here don’t understand eating disorders, or work in caring professions.

You asked her and she ignored/didn’t listen/didn’t care. It was dangerous and negligent. ANYONE weighing people as part of a professional job must know this, she was totally unprofessional and needs reminding of how dangerous her behaviour was.

Please please give feedback. Her actions could kill someone. If anyone thinks that’s dramatic they have clearly never had a friend or family member die from anorexia.

It’s the nurses JOB for goodness sake. OP asked not to be told and gave other ED signs as clear as a fucking bell. The nurse was negligent.

If I made such a monumental cock up in my job, I’d lose my licence.

Stop excusing something that you are not looking at with professional, qualified eyes. You are victim blaming.

I'd complain - a health care professional ought to be aware of how sensitive this could be. She needs more training so she doesn't do this to other people.

It shouldn't be so difficult
I'm weighed every 12 weeks by haematology and just before I get on the scales (because I've told them before) she always says "do you want to know your weight today or not?"

The nurse didn't need to read between the lines. She just needed to follow a clearly stated request. If, in order to do her job well, she needed to understand the reason for the request, she could have asked the OP, rather than just ignore the request and then laugh about it.

An NHS nurse needs complaints to understand why they shouldn't drop their standards in a way that negatively affect their patients.

Especially if the nature of that complaint is "the nurse wasn't forgetful, she deliberately went against a simple, explicit instruction".

Make a written complaint about this. You asked not to be told your weight and your wishes were not respected. The nurse needs to know that her saying your weight has consequences on you. Any competent healthcare professional would know about weight and ED.

This was not the behaviour of a professional hcp. Complain. And I say that as an NHS worker of 30 years.

I once had an NHS health check at 40. The whole time, the nurse was saying oh I wish I was slim as you, I can guess your BMI is tiny, you won’t have diabetes etc. I don’t have an ED but if I did, that could have been triggering. She was an idiot.

YANBU, she should have some awareness of eating disorders as you say. She may have thought as your measurements were small that you were being over the top and have nothing to worry about. But in a health setting where you had specifically asked not to know she should have observed that.