She didn't need to tell me my weight.

[NorthRock]

Just to vent as I can't share my frustration anywhere else...

I went for my NHS health check yesterday, and specifically asked not to be told my weight. I said to the nurse that I've been obsessional about it in the past and it's better for me not to know, as it sets me off... In the other questions she saw that I do cardio exercise 6 days a week, and she could see from my measurements that I'm small. I didn't want to state outright that I have a long history of eating disorders. I thought she would gauge that from everything else I'd said.

At the end of the appointment, on the card where she'd noted my BP, pulse, cholesterol etc she also wrote on my weight and BMI. She said "Oh, I know you said you didn't want to know that, but..." <tinkly laugh>

Aibu to think this was not ok? Surely she would have some awareness of EDs? I'm trying so hard not to go back to the trap of weighing and feeling compelled to lose weight, but already I'm wondering if I might buy some scales just to shave off half a stone. I've fought this for 30 years and wish she had have listened to what I was telling her.

Are you that nurse? If so, maybe get some more training...

Sorry op she was extremely unprofessional. I'm similar to you and asked a doctor the exact same thing when I was getting regular check ups for a medication, didn't say "ED" just explained that the numbers make me obsess, and she went as far as to cover the weight display for me each time, and just wrote it down for her own records.

It's perfectly possible to balance a patient's needs like this. I would complain.

Making a joke in a situation like this is just crass and invalidating. Even more reason to complain tbh

Thank you for your kind words, I'm working on it. GP is lovely but fairly new to me and I'm not in the UK now, so no way of getting my notes on hospitalisations etc. So I am afraid of the whole, well, you're fat now (BED) so I'm not sure that you really were anorexic ... Even though part of me knows she won't. I'm working on it with a great local charity though, so I'll get there.

I described it as a "tinkly" laugh as it seemed perfunctory. I think describing it as a "laugh" would suggest there was some humour - like we were actually having a joke about it.

I'm sorry that happened but she's not a kind reader.

YANBU. It would have been simple to omit that information. I don't have an ED but I have been obsessional about my weight in the past. For that reason I don't own any scales and never weigh myself. I would rather not know.

The thing is she is probably so used to women saying ‘don’t tell me the weight!’ In a jokey, making conversation way that she had no idea how it could affect you. Whenever I go to an appointment and am weighed, I always say ooh let me take my shoes off and my jumper - it all helps! I’m neither overweight or have ED so I don’t even know why I say it.

No- that's why I told her not to tell me my weight.

No, it’s a medical professional not respecting a patients wishes. She may have needed to document it, fine. But she didn’t need to tell OP it with a wink after she explicitly asked to not be told

Don't ever be ashamed if you need to be forceful over something you know will have a detrimental effect on you. I have to be weighed at every appointment (no matter what it's for) to track my weight as I'm severely underweight. I don't want to hear it either. If I'm being honest, I know what I weigh without them telling me and I don't have an ED.

Thank you, and thanks all. It means a lot that so many have taken the time to comment. I'm sorry so many have been through or are going through the same.

I'm going to take the kids out but really appreciate everyone's input.

To illustrate what it means to someone with a history of ED, just seeing the OP's card is hard for me. My immediate thought is that the OP is a little shorter but not that much shorter than me and my weight is more than hers and therefore I shouldn't eat today because I'm so gross and disgusting.

(Just a note to the OP, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't have shared it - I'm aware this is my own reaction and have plenty of support to deal with my own thought patterns)

Usually when people say they don't want to know, it means they're worried they're overweight and they'll be embarrassed. It's a bit of a playact. If you didn't state clearly that this was serious because of your history, she might have thought that you were being like that and she was doing you a favour to say that actually your weight was fine.
People make mistakes. We're all human.

I really don't understand comments like this. She's a nurse, the training is three years, the entry requirements are low, she's hardly going to be infallible is she? Quite reasonable for the OP to complain. Maybe she didn't know the OP has an ED, but anyone with half a brain cell would have inferred it from her request not to know her weight.

But you said you didn't tell her you are recovering from an ED. The nurse can't read your mind. She was probably told to fill it in for all patients to take home. If she'd left it off she might have been in trouble for not doing her job.

Exactly - lots of people without eating disorders do cardio six times a week. I don't think it jumps out to most people.

OP is hyper aware of it, though most people wouldn't automatically think it was 'obvious.'

This.

She made a very clear request which was ignored. She didn't need to be a mind reader. She just had to listen to the patient.

Glad you're not a nurse!

How do you know this? That everyone else is "playacting"??

I think you said enough when you said you don’t want to know. One dr made my teen read out loud her weight when I even said it was for eating disorder and she then didn’t eat for a week. She was wrong to write for you when you said not to.

Agreed.

I do sympathize with you OP.

However, you need to be more vocal. I wouldn't have added up that you have an ED by the limited information you gave the nurse.

I didn't say "everyone else". I said it's common for people to do that. Not that everyone does that.

Had* and ED

I get it, OP. I don't ever get weighed at the GP/nurse - also previous ED. I am booked in for a smear next month and will simply say no, I would prefer not to be weighed. I'm clearly not over weight and "normal" range and my other stats (BP, heart rate etc) are all fine. If it came to it that having the smear test depended on being weighed at the same time I am not sure I would go.

She didn’t listen and went against what you consented to. She knew she wasn’t supposed to be doing it, but still write it down and said verbally she knew you didn’t want the information. I have found many health professionals who don’t specialise in EDs to be like this - as though they think they can ‘cure’ you.
I would feedback what happens to the practice.

I have a DS with a serious ED and whilst our surgery is generally ok and understanding of his quite unknown ED, some nurses have less training than the GP’s and just say stuff like “oh you need to just eat more” 😩. When he was under the paediatric ED team, even some of their nurses (because his ED is a relatively new term in the DSMV manual) still didn’t understand completely and tried to treat him as though he had a more common ED.

So I think you would need to be quite explicit and overt in your requests to them in future.