She didn't need to tell me my weight.

[NorthRock]

Just to vent as I can't share my frustration anywhere else...

I went for my NHS health check yesterday, and specifically asked not to be told my weight. I said to the nurse that I've been obsessional about it in the past and it's better for me not to know, as it sets me off... In the other questions she saw that I do cardio exercise 6 days a week, and she could see from my measurements that I'm small. I didn't want to state outright that I have a long history of eating disorders. I thought she would gauge that from everything else I'd said.

At the end of the appointment, on the card where she'd noted my BP, pulse, cholesterol etc she also wrote on my weight and BMI. She said "Oh, I know you said you didn't want to know that, but..." <tinkly laugh>

Aibu to think this was not ok? Surely she would have some awareness of EDs? I'm trying so hard not to go back to the trap of weighing and feeling compelled to lose weight, but already I'm wondering if I might buy some scales just to shave off half a stone. I've fought this for 30 years and wish she had have listened to what I was telling her.

But the OP had made a specific request not to know her weight. Respecting this, and not writing down her weight, wouldn't have made any extra work for the OP. The nurse simply decided to disregard the request. That's not OK.

A lot of people here seem to be missing that OP not only asked the nurse not to tell her how much she weighed - she also said it was as because it would make her become obsessive about it.

And a nurse would never be "obligated" to tell.someone their weight so the cloak and dagger "put it in a sealed envelope" suggestion above is ridiculous.

Not an excuse in the slightest @Sandylanes69

Complain @NorthRock - hopefully they can put some training in so staff don't make the same mistake next time.

When I have been weighed I always ask not to be told, they respect that and don't tell me. I am fully aware that I am overweight and try to address it by eating a reasonable diet.

I think some of the replies on this thread are being pretty awful.

I think this is a clear example of a NHS staff member actively ignoring patient consent - and that is NOT okay. For the purposes of consent it doesn't matter why the OP requested not to be told her weight - she had a medical appointment, consent is important, no matter how inconsequential the results of the actions may or may not be. There was no medical reason to go against the patient's clearly expressed boundary. OP, please do put in a complaint to the clinic about what happened, and if you are feeling strong enough to tell them why it mattered so much and what the consequences of her deliberately ignoring your consent could be/will be for you, it stands a chance of being a moment that can be learned from.

This is so wrong OP. I’d probably also send some feedback. There was no need for her to put it on the card for you and she should’ve removed it- she clearly remembered.

I’ve got a history of anorexia and I also struggle to ‘say it out loud’, especially in a situation like this where I don’t know the person! To be it feels deeply private and shameful, and almost that like speaking it aloud I might put myself back there?

Weirdly the the most push back I get on weighing is from my PT. I’m now at a really good fitness level, very healthy, etc etc. The number of times he’s said “so we’ll weigh you today” and I’ve said that I don’t weigh myself, I go on how my clothes feel and how I feel. Last time I said that I can spiral into obsession when I know my weight, I’m not seeing him for weight loss or gain.

I think that respecting your request would have been the right thing to do, but at the same time, I'm not sure that you can necessarily expect that a standard nhs nurse will have knowledge, experience and training in specialist mental health conditions.

You would hope that most people would use their common sense and have some basic understanding of these things, but clearly not everyone does. You can argue that she should have known better, but this isn't a mental health nurse or an eating disorder specialist.

In future, I would be very explicit in explaining that you have an ED. Most people should be able to put 2 and 2 and together, but you'll still get the odd one who doesn't get it.

That's someone directly ignoring your request, knowing you didn't want it, and taking it lightly with a laugh. That's not a mistake but a dig. Please complain!

Feedback to the practice - she didn’t tell you by mistake, and there should be enough awareness of EDs that if a HCP is asked not to tell you then they don’t.

Her being busy isn’t relevant - she didn’t tell the OP by mistake.

It’s just a training issue and the answer is to feedback.

By way of illustrating the problematic thinking involved in EDs, I have just been Googling the OP's height/weight as obsessively as if they were my own measurements, and worrying about how I compare.

This is why people who ask not to be told their weight should not be told their weight.

I would find it hard to complain as I don't complain, ever, but that is really what you should do, @NorthRock.

I had to do my own weight/blood pressure at the surgery recently (staff shortages - they leave out scales and a blood pressure cuff). This was immensely troublesome for me, but I was very meek and did as I was told. Fortunately it weighed in kg rather than stone and pounds and I don't understand kg weights, so I scribbled it on the form then focussed on something else so I had forgotten by the time I got home (so I couldn't Google it).

It's 30 years since I had an 'active' ED, and even now, my thinking is still completely disordered beneath a very thin veneer of 'normality'. So I sympathise with you enormously.

She could have been less busy if she hadn’t decided to do something @NorthRock specifically asked her not to.

The lack of awareness by a good amount of posters on this thread show exactly why there is so much shame around talking about EDs

Im sorry @NorthRock you deff should send feedback

She seems quite ignorant. However, she also may not have been aware of your eating disorder. When I'm overtired and overworked the penny doesn't click for me. I would need someone to be very specific. I have a history of ED and I'm not comfortable knowing about my weight please don't write it down.

I also think there should be more training and awareness of ED among health care staff. That would have ensured you were treated more sensitively.

YANBU

You don’t have to be an HCP to follow a simple request. It doesn’t matter what the nurse assumed and OP was quite clear with her request. Nurse blatantly told OP knowing she asked not to know her weight. They could have double-checked and left it at that.

Ridiculous how many posters make excuses for the nurse.

@Kamia

She seems quite ignorant. However, she also may not have been aware of your eating disorder. When I'm overtired and overworked the penny doesn't click for me. I would need someone to be very specific.

But the OP TOLD this nurse very specifically not to tell her her weight, as she has issues with her weight and it may set off anxiety/worrying etc. The nurse still went and told her, and even said 'I know you told me not to tell you but there you are, you're 9 stone 2.' (haha tinkly laugh.) So the fact the nurse said this means she DID hear the OP say 'please don't tell me my weight!'

It seems to me like she did it out of spite - but I'm not sure why. Whilst lots of nurses are lovely, kind, sweet-natured people, some of them are NOT. Just because someone is a nurse, it doesn't follow that they are lovely, sweet-natured human beings.

I think that respecting your request would have been the right thing to do, but at the same time, I'm not sure that you can necessarily expect that a standard nhs nurse will have knowledge, experience and training in specialist mental health conditions.

She didn’t need to have a specialist knowledge, experience or training in anything. The OP asked her not to tell her her weight (and elaborated slightly about why, but even if she hadn’t it wouldn’t matter) and the nurse went against that basic request.

I think that YABVU . The problem here is not the nurse, who I presume was not aware of your eating disorder, but your eating disorder. In my opinion, although I’m not not a HCP you should be aware of your dangerously low BMI.

If she had accidentally told you then I would feel more tolerant. You may not have been clear/everyone makes mistakes etc. but she deliberately told you knowing you didn't want to know. I would complain to prevent this from happening again

YANU .....Not unreasonable to make a simple request; The nurse could have recorded your weight for clinic notes and no need to tell you what it was; just simple respect aside from anything else. This happens to me as a clinic nurse, and we write on the notes ' Patient does not want to know her weight' when specifically asked not to inform, by the Patient themselves, from the outset. Definitely flag this to the GP or practice manager.

If it was dangerously low, the nurse could have said “ Apologies, I know that you asked me not to tell your weight but there is concern about your BMI. Are you sure you do not want to know?

Easy as that.

She didn’t need to have a specialist knowledge, experience or training in anything. The OP asked her not to tell her her weight (and elaborated slightly about why, but even if she hadn’t it wouldn’t matter) and the nurse went against that basic request.

@GeneHuntsCowboyBoots

Yeah that's true, but presumably, for most people, the point of going for a health check is that you are provided with information about your health. If you are not going to give the patient information about their weight, then would there be any point in taking the weight reading at all? Surely the purpose of a general health check is that you give the patient information that they can act upon.

I expect that the nurse didn't understand about eating disorders and simply thought that OP was being coy.

See my other responses to OP - I agree the nurse needs some honest feedback to enable her to do better next time.

@phoenixrosehere Yes, I think that I agree with you. That would have been the best way to handle it. So much venom here for the nurse when what really is the issue is the OP’s eating disorder.

Weight taking isn’t necessary in nearly all cases. Only in for medication doses or as a PP has said, as a contraindication to certain contraceptions is it necessary to weigh a patient. None of these scenarios were relevant for OP’s appointment. The only other potential would be if there was a real life threatening risk (and again, that is highly unlikely in most circumstances based on weight alone and definitely not relevant to OP). IF the weight was relevant to medical history, like another poster mentioned they had theirs done every 12 weeks, then it could be noted on the system for reference and still didn’t need to be mentioned to OP.

Whichever way you try to dress it up, the nurse disregarded OP’s clear instruction not to tell her. That really isn’t ok.