She didn't need to tell me my weight.

[NorthRock]

Just to vent as I can't share my frustration anywhere else...

I went for my NHS health check yesterday, and specifically asked not to be told my weight. I said to the nurse that I've been obsessional about it in the past and it's better for me not to know, as it sets me off... In the other questions she saw that I do cardio exercise 6 days a week, and she could see from my measurements that I'm small. I didn't want to state outright that I have a long history of eating disorders. I thought she would gauge that from everything else I'd said.

At the end of the appointment, on the card where she'd noted my BP, pulse, cholesterol etc she also wrote on my weight and BMI. She said "Oh, I know you said you didn't want to know that, but..." <tinkly laugh>

Aibu to think this was not ok? Surely she would have some awareness of EDs? I'm trying so hard not to go back to the trap of weighing and feeling compelled to lose weight, but already I'm wondering if I might buy some scales just to shave off half a stone. I've fought this for 30 years and wish she had have listened to what I was telling her.

Yes- I'm anonymous on here, I presume, and I've faced this weight now - it is inscribed in my mind and I'm not going to stick my head in the sand about it now. It's a stone and a bit heavier than when I last weighed myself (mid therapy - before realising that it is not healthy for me to do and know).
I posted it as some people had queried the context/manner in which it was shared.

It shows that she either doesn’t actually listen to her patients, or she listens and chooses to ignore their needs, neither are suitable for medical staff, especially for patients who are alone with her.

I’ve had similar, I complained and requested that I wasn’t treated by the member of staff again.

I had this once. I've never forgotten it. I have PCOS, and in my teens, suddenly ballooned with a combination of the onset of the condition, and side effects of the contraceptive implant (which I never wanted but was heavily pressured into by a parent). I had tried to explain to the nurse I had gained a lot of weight quickly, after having the implant fitted, and had no lifestyle or eating habits change. At all.

The nurse refused to believe it (funnily enough, when the implant ran its course, I dropped 5 stone very quickly, again without any change of eating habits or lifestyle changes).

When she told me she was going to weigh me, I told her I was ok with her recording it, but I did NOT want to be told what it was, as it would effect my mental health as I was feeling terrible about all of this, and explained to her I was well aware of my size and that I was an unhealthy weight.

She took my weight. Out loud. Just spoke it out whilst reading my weight. I was at this point, already struggling with having gained such a large amount of weight so quickly, and having intrusive thoughts about 'dieting' (and visiting pro-ana websites obsessively). I stopped eating completely for weeks after this, and my only income of calories was from some fizzy drinks (I had done a couple of much shorter stints prior to this). I obviously dropped a good amount of weight, but I ended up very unwell. Not as unwell as someone who wasn't obese when they started would be, thankfully.

Unfortunately, obviously, as soon as I started eating again, I gained it all back plus more. And my body was fucked from it. It took a good couple of years to get the binge eating and starving cycles under control, along with my mental health. Mind back then, help for people who had starve/binge cycles but were obese was not a common thing, my family tried.

The nurse didn't cause my ED, but she certainly did not fucking help, and triggered a massive downhill spiral. As I say, after getting things under control over the next couple of years, and returning to my usual diet, when the implant ran its course, I dropped the weight with no effort (or even attempt) at all.

The nurse took advantage of a young girl/teenager, and abused her position in my case and yours OP. Contrary to what many people believe, fat people are well aware they're fat and not in denial. They see themselves in the mirror every day. A nurse doesn't need to confirm it for them by reading a weight out. They can confirm it in other ways, in a supportive and helpful manner, offering solutions and listening to the patient.

Please complain, if you feel able, OP. The next time it might be another vulnerable young girl who doesn't realise they can complain about this or doesn't feel like she has a say. It's bad enough it happened to you. And I hope the nurse who saw me about 15 years ago ish is reading this. You're a horrible cunt.

It's weird that she told you when you said you didn't want to know. Whenever I've been weighed, they generally don't say anything, if I don't ask. Next time I would mention why you don't want to know and if asked for feedback mention it there too. I'm not sure it's worth a complaint though.

Yes, this.

You were expecting her to read between the lines that you had an ED and would be triggered by the information. But perhaps she read between the lines differently, without knowing about the ED she probably just saw a healthily slim woman worried about putting on weight, so as your bmi is fine presumed that letting you know would be a relief. As you are presumably neither under or overweight, she would have no prompt to consider that an ED could be an issue.

Perhaps in future you could let it be known in advance when booking the appointment, so you do not have to disclose on the spot, but also are not relying on people reading between the lines accurately.

I've experience this especially as I now have a very high BMI. I explain history of ED and I get grimaces/screwed up face or eyerolls "really" and "well it wouldn't hurt you to lose some weight" as a reaction. I now just don't consent to being weighed (without explanation) unless it is critical eg medication calculations/surgery.

I'm sorry OP. You should be able to expect a HCP to have respected your wishes.

You didn't tell her you have an eating disorder. She's not telepathic.

I wouldn't ever say I had an ED, because in theory I didn't. But I did a medical study as a volunteer once, and I was supposed to be in the control group. They rejected me based on my weight history (I know exactly how much I weighed when I was 17)and said that put me in the ED group (they didn't need more people in it), and asked my GP to contact me. Which of course he didn't.
I can't handle medical weighing either, to a lesser extent, but what could I possibly say, other than please don't tell me the number? I don't "officially" have a problem. The OP shouldn't have to justify herself.

You don’t need to share with her that you have an eating disorder as it’s absolutely none of her business unless you decide that it is is. You don’t owe her an explanation on why you don’t want to know your weight, you stated a simple boundary that required more effort to ignore then to simply respect. She definitely should know better in her position and I would complain in your position.

People don't like complaining.

So you don't need to frame your comment as a complaint if you'd rather not. Frame it as a suggestion, but absolutely write to the practice manager.

I'm so sorry this happened to you, Toenailz. Like you mention, these events live long in the memory of someone with these struggles. You learn not to mention anything about it as the response from someone who doesn't understand can be so damaging. EDs are like a horrible, hidden battle that stops life being in any way enjoyable. I can't imagine what life might have been like if it hadn't accompanied me throughout.

Has the op stated she is slim? I may have missed this. Quite a lot of overweight people are eating disordered. And coming from someone who was one of those, I was absolutely ashamed to ever say it, because if you're fat, people do pull that face if you say you struggle with ED.

I understand the angst, but it is yours to manage, not hers. Just because she told you doesn't mean you now have to re-engage a dormant unhealthy coping mechanism. You can't be safe so long as others can't hold that kind of power over your wellbeing.

It isn't ok to tell a patient anything they do not want to know. Those who think it is ok because OP is a healthy weight now are spectacularly missing the point.

I have a low BMI but I have never had an ED, I do however have malignant hypertension. I never want to be told my blood pressure and they have respected that after a talking to in a calm way.

Perhaps the nurse should give up doing her professional and valuable job and get a cosy WFH job where she isn't judged for having a 'tinkly' laugh.

No she isn’t telepathic, which is exactly why the OP told her not to tell her her weight, however despite hearing those words she decided to completely ignore the OP. You don’t have to be telepathic to understand and follow incredibly basic verbal instructions.

I'm sorry you've experienced this too, Telepathic. 🌸

Yes, maybe she should if she finds a very simple instruction too hard.

thats not on. I think if she’s given you the card with it written on but not acknowledged it, if of thought just an oversight she’s really busy and has just operated on auto pilot. She’s gone out of her way to highlight to you she’s written down your weight and then mocked you for not wanting to know it. The reason you’re so riled is because you know she’s acted inappropriately and in such a negative manor. I’m terrible for complaining though I just can’t be bothered.
I was in hospital for 5 days before giving birth. Every midwife asked if we knew the sex I said no, but during the 5 days every midwife at some point referred to baby as a he may of just been coincidence but it was boy. I was a bit upset but on the upside I was convinced it was girl so it gave me some time to find a boys name and I love the name we’ve picked!
My point being my midwife’s meant no malice it just slipped out ( or it was just coincidence ) , your nurse has done that on purpose.

Thank you, and thanks to all for your understanding. It's made me quite tearful to feel your understanding.
Guilt and shame are a huge part of these disorders, and seeing some acceptance is really helpful. Thank you.

That's awful, I would put a complaint in, maybe PALS? She should have respected what you made clear to her, there was no need at all for her to write that down. I'm sorry people on here don't understand EDs

No one needs to explain why they don't want something. As a professional, the nurse should have listened and complied. The fact she said "I know you didn't want to know but...".

I would make a complaint. She was told not to say it and she deliberately ignored it.

The fact that she is unable to process a simple verbal instruction suggests she isn’t capable, would you happily use the services of medical staff who couldn’t follow basic verbal instructions and found their own lack of ability amusing?

The nurse sounds bloody clueless. I’m not a nurse and have no experience of ED but if for some reason I needed to weigh someone and they asked me not to tell them their weight, I’d abide by that, because even a ‘civilian’ knows it’s a complex area. It’s very fecking simple!

So sorry OP and good luck with your health. You are amazing.

She probably thought it was because you thought you were overweight, you clearly fell into healthy weight as she didn't mention it to you so I guess she assumed it was fine to tell you. If your weight was really low you'd have been referred to a doctor, she'd have realised. As you didn't openly say I have struggled with an eating disorder so would prefer not to be informed what I weigh the nurse wouldn't know, she isn't psychic. People who are overweight often say don't tell me, but that's because they are in denial about how unhealthy they are, they need to know so they can start to do something to address their weight.