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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Let adult children stay at my house when away

217 replies

Bilbo1237 · 31/05/2023 08:46

Ok I will keep it short.
19 year old son left home for his job.
we have a good relationship no other issues.
he has asked if he can stay at home ( my house) whist I’m on holiday with his gf….more creature comforts at mine
I have said no, I would dream of going to my parents whilst they were away and there house has even more creature comforts than mine.
I like my house super tidy when I get back from a holiday and I know it wouldn’t be.

OP posts:
Cosyblankets · 31/05/2023 08:47

Your house your rules

BitOutOfPractice · 31/05/2023 08:48

Of course I would let them stay. It seems odd to me that you wouldn’t.

my whole family (sister, BiL, nieces, mom etc) are staying at mine while I’m away in the summer as they are attending an event near my place that’s 150 miles away from their homes.

if I were your son I’d be upset sorry op.

brittanyfairies · 31/05/2023 08:49

I am letting my DC stay at my house while I'm on holiday, they are dong me a favour of course because they are pet sitting. However, I would much prefer to have someone in my house while I'm away than not, having just had an empty house in the village burgled last week.

But your house, your choice and if your DS is happy to accept that you've said no then it's OK. It's not like he's going to be homeless

SeasonFinale · 31/05/2023 08:49

I would let them but have a talk with them both about your expectation as to it's state when you return and what rooms are out of bounds eg. your bedroom/study etc

Curseofthenation · 31/05/2023 08:50

I would also let me DC stay but set clear rules re the house upkeep.

peacelemon · 31/05/2023 08:51

Up to you. My parents did as they trusted me and also its free house sitting/plant watering

Lkgcsr · 31/05/2023 08:51

It would drive me crazy to go away leaving my house tidy and come back to a mess/having to clean up after someone else so on that basis I would say its fair enough to say no. Other option is that you could explain why you don’t want him there and give him the chance to show you that he can leave the house how he found it.

billy1966 · 31/05/2023 08:53

I absolutely do this this, but I really trust my children.

They have had small gatherings etc most nights we are away as we can see from the security cameras, but we alway come back to a tidy house.

They love when we go away😁.

All about trust.

Original poster
Bilbo1237 · 31/05/2023 08:54

No trust issue just his version of clean and tidy are very different to mine

OP posts:
Cosyblankets · 31/05/2023 08:56

Bilbo1237 · 31/05/2023 08:54

No trust issue just his version of clean and tidy are very different to mine

What if he paid a cleaner before you came back?

TopOfTheCliff · 31/05/2023 08:56

It depends on the child. I have 3DC and 3 stepDC ( all adults) and I would trust all except two of them. One would have noisy parties and things would get broken while the other would cover the kitchen in grease and mess and not clean up properly. I would explain my reasons clearly as actions have consequences.

Sissynova · 31/05/2023 08:56

Ultimately its your decision.
However your point of view is very unusual compared to any family I know. This would be a totally normal thing to do.

IWonderWhereThatDishDidGo · 31/05/2023 08:57

It's a bit weird they only want to stay there because you aren't there.

peacelemon · 31/05/2023 08:58

Bilbo1237 · 31/05/2023 08:54

No trust issue just his version of clean and tidy are very different to mine

What if you said fine but it has to look how you left it?

millymollymoomoo · 31/05/2023 08:59

Well your house your rules but I think it’s batshit crazy tbh and can’t imagine being like this with my 19 year old !

SwedishDeathClearance · 31/05/2023 09:02

19- why wouldn't you
Sounds like a really odd relationship.
Mine are in late 20s and 30s and have a key and welcome anytime (although DS at 6am on Saturday in my bedroom was a bit of a surprise)

KnickerlessParsons · 31/05/2023 09:10

Our adult DC have left home a few years ago. At our suggestion they are inviting friends to stay for a weekend in Sept when we're away. Their friends are scattered round the U.K. and we live quite centrally. It's easy to get to and cheaper than a hotel.
We've done it several times - the house is often tidier/cleaner than when we left it when we get home.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 31/05/2023 09:16

Of course I would let an adult child of mine stay in my home.

ODFODeary · 31/05/2023 09:19

Yes, I'd let them stay as long as they changed the sheets and made sure the kitchen was tidy when I got back
It's just common decency

Original poster
Bilbo1237 · 31/05/2023 10:25

Thank you for your opinions I will have a think and take on board the comments.
interestingly I’ve just read a post that asked the exact same question but it was for a step child and the answer was a resounding no they shouldn’t be able to stop.

interesting 🤔

OP posts:
HoIIy · 31/05/2023 10:38

Child or step child, I would let mine.

ApolloandDaphne · 31/05/2023 10:43

Yes of course I would and indeed have done so. My home is still my DDs home and they are welcome anytime whether I am there or not.

Shmithecat2 · 31/05/2023 10:46

I've always been able to stay at my mums when she's not there. She even fills the cupboards and fridge with all my favourite things. I intend in doing the same with my son. I find your take quite sad tbh.

ditalini · 31/05/2023 10:49

Yes, and have also stayed at my parents' as a young adult as they lived in a destination city.

I always cleaned the house within an inch of its life before I left and I think it's fine for you to specify that it must be as you left it. And that if he can't manage that then it might be easier for him to shell out for a one-off clean.

Mindymomo · 31/05/2023 10:51

My son and gf stay whilst we are away. They generally keep the kitchen clean, but bathroom isn’t cleaned and I have to remind them to put general rubbish in outside bin, they’re good with recycling and of course no clothes washing gets done although I’ve shown them how the w/m works. To be fair I used to stay at DH’s house when his parents went away, in our first years together, it’s good practice looking after a house to see whether you can live with your partner permanently.