Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Let adult children stay at my house when away

217 replies

Bilbo1237 · 31/05/2023 08:46

Ok I will keep it short.
19 year old son left home for his job.
we have a good relationship no other issues.
he has asked if he can stay at home ( my house) whist I’m on holiday with his gf….more creature comforts at mine
I have said no, I would dream of going to my parents whilst they were away and there house has even more creature comforts than mine.
I like my house super tidy when I get back from a holiday and I know it wouldn’t be.

OP posts:
User1367349 · 31/05/2023 12:17

My parents would encourage me to stay at theirs for any reason at any age. We love and support each other.

It’s ok that your boundaries are different, but unless there is a history of him treating your house with disrespect or other relationship issues, this seems a bit sad. You might be able to swing a couple of “while you are staying” jobs to be done for him, or a visit seeing you before/after you travel.

ThatOnePlease · 31/05/2023 12:21

It doesn't matter if I would or not... my dc are not your dc. If you know your house will be left untidy and that will upset you, then you are fine to say no.

It's totally reasonable not to want to return from holiday to someone else's mess!

mumto2teenagers · 31/05/2023 12:21

I cannot think of any time or situation when I wouldn't let my adult children stay in my house either when we are there or away.

My DD's (23 & 21) still live at home, if we are going away I will ask them to keep the place tidy, they are generally quite tidy. As they don't have their own houses they usually use it as an excuse to have friends round which we are also fine with.

MasterBeth · 31/05/2023 12:22

CaloundraBlues · 31/05/2023 12:11

A lot of posters are saying they wouldn't think twice about letting their adults kids stay at their house when away, why do they need to? I presume they live somewhere else, why can't they just stay where they live, why do they need to come and stay at yours?

Our house is bigger than my adult children's places, and in a different area. They also earn less than we do, so are less able to pay for holidays and trips away.

But more importantly, they are my children, so I would welcome them into my home at any time. I wouldn't ask why they needed to come.

NotAMug · 31/05/2023 12:26

For the sake of cleanliness then I would. The house cam be cleaned, surely it's not the end of the world. I hope I treat my DCs better once they leave home.

CovertImage · 31/05/2023 12:27

Iwantmyoldnameback · 31/05/2023 11:11

I don't understand your priorities, he's 19 for goodness sake. I can see why he doesn't live with you.

What a fucking nasty comment to make

Galatine · 31/05/2023 12:27

My grown up children are always welcome at our house whether we are there or not. The same is true for us at their homes. Why would it not be?

Littleroseseverywhere · 31/05/2023 12:30

Absolutely I would allow it, she’d not even have to ask. My home is my child’s home no matter how old they are. I can’t imagine for a moment telling them they are unwelcome. Blimey.

Mirabai · 31/05/2023 12:31

A 19 year old boy haha - no.

Littleroseseverywhere · 31/05/2023 12:32

CaloundraBlues · 31/05/2023 12:11

A lot of posters are saying they wouldn't think twice about letting their adults kids stay at their house when away, why do they need to? I presume they live somewhere else, why can't they just stay where they live, why do they need to come and stay at yours?

Um it’s right there in the op, as it’s nicer. My house is definitely bigger, nicer, with a nice garden than my daughters flat.

it’s irrelevant though, it’s not about why, it’s about the fact that this is her family home and she is welcome any time, she doesn’t need to ask

SaxSick · 31/05/2023 12:34

You will find as you get older that things like a clean house are much less important than relationships.

Littleroseseverywhere · 31/05/2023 12:35

SaxSick · 31/05/2023 12:34

You will find as you get older that things like a clean house are much less important than relationships.

This. I was thinking exactly this. My relationship with my child, and ensuring their happiness is way more important than a bit of mess. It doesn’t matter if she’s 4 or 40, I will always be in her corner. And this is a tiny ask.

caringcarer · 31/05/2023 12:35

I'd let any of my DC, 1 DD and 2 DS's stay at my house whilst I am away. I trust them. Youngest DS will feed my 2 cats so be over twice a day anyway. The cats love him and like company so I'd be asking to stay in my house for me.

CurlewKate · 31/05/2023 12:37

Blimey- you're saying no to your own child? Of course it's your choice- but frankly I think that's awful.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 31/05/2023 12:37

I want my DC to think of our house as a home from home. I trust them and would like to think theyd keep the house occupied but agree they are not great at cleaning. I might leave some notes about turning off the oven and locking the front door lol

Maybe give him a list of how you want it to look. Or better still a quick iphone video of how you like it. eg.. no washing up in the sink, floor swept etc. If he has a check list I bet he'd stick to it.

TooManyMeetings · 31/05/2023 12:38

I cannot imagine saying no. Unless they were a criminal.

ThePoshUns · 31/05/2023 12:39

I would but I love my son more than I love a tidy house.

ApolloandDaphne · 31/05/2023 12:43

CaloundraBlues · 31/05/2023 12:11

A lot of posters are saying they wouldn't think twice about letting their adults kids stay at their house when away, why do they need to? I presume they live somewhere else, why can't they just stay where they live, why do they need to come and stay at yours?

Both my DDs live in cities in England and we live in a beautiful seaside town in Scotland. Staying in our house is a lovely cheap holiday for them. We have also let other relatives stay in our house while we are away.

Oysterbabe · 31/05/2023 12:45

My children are always welcome in my home whether I'm there or not.

thebestbirtheraccordingtoDD · 31/05/2023 12:48

I don't even want DC staying here while we're away and he lives here 😂

ShimmeringShirts · 31/05/2023 13:01

Couldn’t imagine ever telling my children, especially my teenage children, they weren’t allowed to stay in their own home. As far as I’m concerned wherever I live will always be their home regardless of if they’re 19 or 49.

SallyWD · 31/05/2023 13:03

As long as he's clean and tidy I'd let him. I wouldn't dream of saying no to be honest! Obviously it's different if you think he'll have wild parties and trash the place.

gogohmm · 31/05/2023 13:06

We make ours stay and pet sit!

Hidinginaonesie · 31/05/2023 13:12

So what’s more important op, a tidy house or a loving relationship with your son?

ditalini · 31/05/2023 13:18

Hidinginaonesie · 31/05/2023 13:12

So what’s more important op, a tidy house or a loving relationship with your son?

Oh come on now. If your loving relationship with your 19 year old, living independently, son is contingent on him staying at your house when you're on holiday, you have bigger problems.

This is a nice-to-have for the son. People are allowed to say no. Even parents. Even... loving mothers!