Let adult children stay at my house when away

[Bilbo1237]

Ok I will keep it short.
19 year old son left home for his job.
we have a good relationship no other issues.
he has asked if he can stay at home ( my house) whist I’m on holiday with his gf….more creature comforts at mine
I have said no, I would dream of going to my parents whilst they were away and there house has even more creature comforts than mine.
I like my house super tidy when I get back from a holiday and I know it wouldn’t be.

Yes of course I would. My house is their house - whether when I'm away it or if they need a safe port in a storm. I regularly stayed at my parents house when they went away - it made them feel the house was more secure. I have regularly left my kids at home and my niece is currently staying at my house whilst I'm away (hopefully watering the plants).

You know best....I'd let 2/4 of ours (1s too young & 1 would be too messy (or sold the house while we were away👀..joking kind of...rental))...maybe I read your post wrong but more curious about you going away with your son's gf.

If your DS lived miles from you and wanted to have a holiday in his old haunts whilst you are away I'd think it would be nice to let him, giving him another chance re the cleanliness and tidiness issue whilst making the boundaries very clear re leaving the house as he found it. However, if he lives reasonably near and you already know from experience that he's a messy bugger I don't see why you should have to entertain that at all - it's not like he's really missing out on anything.

I’m in my 30’s with 3 kids. Times when my mam has been away, we’ve stayed over so the kids can have sleepovers/stay out later with friends (her house is bigger and we’re from the village she lives so easier for kids playing out etc). It’s like a second home to all of us

YABU

Don't be remembered as that kind of mum.

I cant imagine saying no to my adult child. Both our DCs lived with us after returning from Uni until 25/24, until they left to buy their first homes . Their friends and partners were always welcome, as it was their home too . Of course it wasnt as tidy as it now but a great relationship is much more important than a bit of mess .

Can't imagine why all your kids left home so early...

My dad has a key to my house. I have a key to his (I'm 50).

Had lunch with ds today, and discussed how he'll be housesitting at ours when DH and I are on holiday this summer. He'll probably use his own key to get in, too.

Your choice but I would let them but put ground rules down as I would prefer people in my house while I was away.

I think social media, growth of pwrsonal devices and tbe way younher people socialise and relate tomtheor parent's generatio has meant they are happier to go back home.

When I graduated in 1999 moving bacl toy dads village for any long period od time would spell social death - how was i supposed to keep up with everyone using my dad's landline. He didn't have an internet connection in those days (many people didn't) and mobiles were just getting cheap enough for mass consumption.

I wanted to be where I could go out to gigs, pubs and clubs most nights, not stuck at home bwgging for a lift to the nearest town 8 miles away.

@Memoirsofatrespasser

My children had job offers before they left school but it meant moving away for work, still in the UK but too far to commute. Two had jobs which came with a house, not a house-share. Other 3 got flats until they were able to buy at 18.

Houses can be cleaned. It seems exceptionally mean to me, but perhaps it’s because I have a higher tolerance for mess. It’s your decision, but I think it’s a harsh one.

I have no tolerance for mess in my own home.

Tell him he can only stay if he cleans up properly. What the hell is wrong with people and their homes??? Geez. People have become evil reptilians. No mammals left.

all the messages and threads the last few days baking adult children it’s like once their adults just get rid of them😂 my kids are 17, 4 ,2 and 14 months and we are building a new house I can’t wait to have people over and my kids will always be welcome and all their friends just lock your own room Jesus what damage can they do

My 22 year old daughter and her partner will be staying in our house while we are on holiday. Your son is only 19! Loads of 19 year olds still live at home full time.

I think there's something a bit off and cold about your attitude to this OP.

I would 100%, it's your son!