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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Let adult children stay at my house when away

217 replies

Bilbo1237 · 31/05/2023 08:46

Ok I will keep it short.
19 year old son left home for his job.
we have a good relationship no other issues.
he has asked if he can stay at home ( my house) whist I’m on holiday with his gf….more creature comforts at mine
I have said no, I would dream of going to my parents whilst they were away and there house has even more creature comforts than mine.
I like my house super tidy when I get back from a holiday and I know it wouldn’t be.

OP posts:
soundsys · 31/05/2023 16:13

I would be really hurt if I was your son! I mean, it's still sort of his home and your reason is pretty weak (sorry!)

Intriguedbythis · 31/05/2023 16:13

@WinterDeWinter very good point.

YouJustDoYou · 31/05/2023 16:14

Congratulations on telling your child you don't trust him.

Comfortablechairs · 31/05/2023 20:26

I am hugely flattered when mine choose to stay at ours when we are away. I always leave lots of food that I know they will enjoy.
We all live locally to one another and I always suggest that they use our house as a change of venue even if only for a few hours. We have a much bigger garden, bigger tv etc.
I completely trust my children and I am grateful for them looking out for our house. It is the house where they grew up and is full of happy memories. I love the idea of them being here. I love and trust our children. I hope they feel wholly welcome here at all times

AcrossthePond55 · 31/05/2023 21:50

@Bilbo1237

If I knew my child would leave my place a pig sty, then no. But just 'different standards'? I guess that depends on how different.

DS1 & DiL would leave my house exactly as they found it, if not cleaner lol. DS2 has 'different standards' but all it would mean is that I'd have to do a little extra tidying things away, probably run a load of towels, and a bit of wiping down in the kitchen. Nothing too onerous and it wouldn't bother me.

SimonsCow · 31/05/2023 22:47

i would say yes but be clear that I would expect the place to be the same state you left it in when you return and if it’s not he will be paying for a cleaner

Redandyellowelephant · 31/05/2023 23:03

I think its a bit strange but I often stay at my mums when she is away because its bigger with a garden which is nice for my DS. However I'm aware of the consequences of leaving it messy and would never dare leave it any less than I found it. I'm not too old for a telling off and I know what's expected 😂

sixthvestibule · 01/06/2023 01:45

No, I couldn’t relax knowing that someone was touching my stuff while away.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 01/06/2023 05:21

IWonderWhereThatDishDidGo · 31/05/2023 08:57

It's a bit weird they only want to stay there because you aren't there.

I don't think so.

Our older son lives in an HMO and has little space/privacy. He's taking a weeks leave when we go on holiday this year to come and stay at ours. He does come and see us at other times, but really loves having our house to himself.

It's a win win all round - he gets to stay in our house for a week, we get the animals looked after.

Wallywobbles · 01/06/2023 05:54

I think I was in my 30s before I got a yes to this question.

Buddercud · 01/06/2023 06:39

The stepchild example probably came loaded with a whole backstory of issues!

I would let either my own or DHs DCs stay.

Copasetic · 01/06/2023 06:59

Very strange not to. My kids are welcome at mine any time. My nephew stays with us to be close to his work sometimes and this carries on regardless of whether we are there.

Lazyj · 01/06/2023 07:09

This is so odd, I know all families are different but I can't imagine why you wouldn't want your son and gf there.

Doesn't sound like they'll trash it , I don't see a big issue if its not spotless when you get back, but of course you would tell them you expect to come back to it how you left it.

GCalltheway · 01/06/2023 07:12

It depends on sensible he is, what his girlfriend is like. How comfortable are you. It’s strange given his young age why he isn’t living with you now, does he have a room? I feel there is more to this story.

Lazyj · 01/06/2023 07:13

IWonderWhereThatDishDidGo · 31/05/2023 08:57

It's a bit weird they only want to stay there because you aren't there.

I don't think it is at all, especially as a young couple, of course you'll feel more comfortable on your own

GCalltheway · 01/06/2023 07:13

It’s his family home. I don’t understand why this is even a question. I would hate for my children to feel unwelcome.

FilthyforFirth · 01/06/2023 07:16

My home will always be my kids home so yabu. I am nearly 40 and stay at my dads house when he isn't there all the time! Not weird to me at all (gives me a break from my delightful children)

GCalltheway · 01/06/2023 07:16

Almost all 19 year olds still live at home so this wouldn’t even feature as a question, he would be taking care of the house with a list of expectations. A tidy house doesn’t come before your son.

LlynTegid · 01/06/2023 07:20

On his own yes.

GCalltheway · 01/06/2023 07:21

Where does he actually live?

tiredofthisshit21 · 01/06/2023 07:23

It would be a no from me. He has a home - it's not like he needs to stay.

BHRK · 01/06/2023 07:23

Of course you should let him. Seems cruel not to! Just tell them to clean and tidy otherwise they will have to pay for a cleaner…

memoirsofatrespasser · 01/06/2023 07:32

MasterBeth · 31/05/2023 11:27

I genuinely cannot conceive of a time when I would not allow my 19 year-old son to stay in my home.

This. My ds is 19 and lives away from home, but 'my' house will always be his home too, afaic.

Just tell him you want it spotless when you get back, surely?

Garrard · 01/06/2023 07:32

I'd say no, for fear that my DC might tidy up and then I wouldn't be able to find anything. Grin

Samlewis96 · 01/06/2023 07:36

Kendodd · 31/05/2023 14:32

Sounds to me like you have effectively kicked your 19yo son out.

Of course I would let them stay.

How have you come to that conclusion?

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