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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bill-splitting

270 replies

Clemsie · 31/05/2023 00:27

Five of us had dinner last night - two couples and myself (I’m a single parent). At the end when the bill arrived, one of the couples declared that the bill would be split three ways. I’m not sure how it made sense that a bill for a party of five was split three ways but was too embarrassed to say anything. As a result I’m £20 out of pocket. AIBU to think that the bill should not
have been split three ways? Also, should I just stay quiet about the £20 and never go out with them again? What is the correct bill-splitting etiquette in this situation?

OP posts:
WhyCantYourPartnerDoIt · 31/05/2023 00:28

What did they say when you suggested splitting it in 5 instead?

ecuse · 31/05/2023 00:29

I would have suggested 2/5, 2/5, 1/5. How rude of them.

Mosaic123 · 31/05/2023 00:30

That's very unfair.

It should have been split into 5 and each person should pay a share

Thedogscollar · 31/05/2023 00:32

Agree with @Mosaic123
Definitely not fair.

Original poster
Clemsie · 31/05/2023 00:34

I didn’t make any suggestion. I was too shy/embarrassed to say anything.

OP posts:
GwinCoch · 31/05/2023 00:35

ecuse · 31/05/2023 00:29

I would have suggested 2/5, 2/5, 1/5. How rude of them.

Exactly this and luckily for me, the last time this happened, one of the people in the couples pointed out the unfairness and did the maths.

Itslookinglikeabeautifulday · 31/05/2023 00:36

You pay a fifth and the couples pay two fifths each. There were five of you, not three.

Itsanotherhreatday · 31/05/2023 00:36

Why? You should get in first and say I’m only paying my share! Seriously cheeky fuckery going on here.

MumsShark · 31/05/2023 00:36

Are you always such a pushover?

WhyCantYourPartnerDoIt · 31/05/2023 00:37

Clemsie · 31/05/2023 00:34

I didn’t make any suggestion. I was too shy/embarrassed to say anything.

Well your embarrassment cost you 20 then. You should have spoken up - that's being an adult. It's not an argument - just a reminder. "oh, is it ok if we split 5 ways instead since it's 2 of each of you and just me?" Not a single person would have questioned that or been mad about that.

Yes they should have considered it, but if they're friends, you need to just open your mouth and say it.

Itsanotherhreatday · 31/05/2023 00:37

Message one of them tomorrow and say ‘Hey, bit unfair the bill was split 3 ways instead of 5, not sure why I’m subsiding the married couples!’

See what they say, don’t be quite stand up for yourself.

Attractedtotheofflimits · 31/05/2023 00:38

It's £20. Hardly gonna break the bank

GwinCoch · 31/05/2023 00:40

Attractedtotheofflimits · 31/05/2023 00:38

It's £20. Hardly gonna break the bank

How do you know their circumstances? Assumption much.

Attractedtotheofflimits · 31/05/2023 00:41

GwinCoch · 31/05/2023 00:40

How do you know their circumstances? Assumption much.

Show quote history

Don't go for meals then, stay home if you can't afford to spend 20 on a meal

IWantToVote · 31/05/2023 00:42

That's amazing that none of your friends realised that splitting it three ways was unfair. (I'm assuming you didn't order way more to eat or drink that the others 😅)
Why don't you send your friends a message and say that you didn't realise it at the time but that the bill was split three ways rather than five ways and that you've ended up paying more than everyone else and could they send XXX to your account.

If you were my friend I would want to know about the mistake and I would want you to let me know.

If your friends are nice people I'm sure they would want to know too and if they aren't nice people why do you care what they think.

GwinCoch · 31/05/2023 00:42

Attractedtotheofflimits · 31/05/2023 00:41

Don't go for meals then, stay home if you can't afford to spend 20 on a meal

Show quote history

It was an extra £20 for something they didn’t consume. Do you regularly pay £20 for stuff you don’t use?

mondaytosunday · 31/05/2023 00:43

Yep you have to woman up next time and say something. When I go out it's always split by the number of people at the table, we don't quibble about if one person had a starter and another had a coffee, but we err on the side of generosity and the only time we do it differently is if there's a non drinker

GoalShooter · 31/05/2023 00:45

That is ridiculous. Yes, next time say something!

Attractedtotheofflimits · 31/05/2023 00:47

GwinCoch · 31/05/2023 00:42

It was an extra £20 for something they didn’t consume. Do you regularly pay £20 for stuff you don’t use?

Show quote history

Yeah I do! Clothes I buy and never wear!! Had a bust up with dh over this tonight 😅😅

Itsanotherhreatday · 31/05/2023 00:48

Don't go for meals then, stay home if you can't afford to spend 20 on a meal

Lets say total meal was £100

5 ways is £20 each and £40 per couple

or 3 ways is £34 per person and £34 per couple - making it £17 per person in a couple

Does that sound fair?

NineOfNine · 31/05/2023 00:50

Next time be ready to say something.

Whether you’re suggesting that you only pay for what you’ve ordered, or whether you’re suggesting that the bill be split 5 ways, be ready to get in there, stand up for yourself and say something so that you’re not subsidising the others out of politeness.

If they’re friends then they should be ok with that. It’s possible that the bill splitting suggestion here was more thoughtlessness than anything else.

ZekeZeke · 31/05/2023 00:51

Did you have extra food, like a starter and dessert or wine/cocktails that the others didn't have?

GwinCoch · 31/05/2023 00:53

Attractedtotheofflimits · 31/05/2023 00:47

Yeah I do! Clothes I buy and never wear!! Had a bust up with dh over this tonight 😅😅

Show quote history

Ah well, slightly different scenario!

WhyCantYourPartnerDoIt · 31/05/2023 00:53

Attractedtotheofflimits · 31/05/2023 00:47

Yeah I do! Clothes I buy and never wear!! Had a bust up with dh over this tonight 😅😅

Show quote history

Wow. And I thought the OP was the silliest person in the thread - but nope.

SparklyBlackKitten · 31/05/2023 00:56

Of course you stay quiet about it now ..
You should have spoken up at dinner

You can't go all boohoo when you did nothing to stop it

Was it wrong for them to split that way
Yeah probably
But you should have mentioned it right there then :)

If they you are your friends, just speak up next time and make sure you pay for only your share

20 quid wouldnt be enough to quit your friendship over sorely?