Bill-splitting

[Clemsie]

Five of us had dinner last night - two couples and myself (I’m a single parent). At the end when the bill arrived, one of the couples declared that the bill would be split three ways. I’m not sure how it made sense that a bill for a party of five was split three ways but was too embarrassed to say anything. As a result I’m £20 out of pocket. AIBU to think that the bill should not
have been split three ways? Also, should I just stay quiet about the £20 and never go out with them again? What is the correct bill-splitting etiquette in this situation?

Yes if anything they'll be like oh yes of course! How silly of me I'm so sorry.

I hate these snide, passive aggressive posts
You know they didn't say anything because op specifically said she didn't say anything at the time.
Just say what you mean "you should have said no let's split 5 ways instead,/no lets just all pay for what we've had/are you taking the piss why should I subsidise you?"

Which, yes op you should have. The friend that suggested it was a dick to do so and the others were to go along with it but the time to say anything was when it was first suggested so you have to write off the £20 - think of it as an assertiveness incentive for next time although I personally wouldn't bother with those friends again.

Op, for future, you don't need to be confrontational about things like this.

I would have just laughed, made a joke about their poor maths and said it needs to be split 5 ways.

This is the only way this scenario would be fair OP

I wouldn't have split it at all. I just always pay for my own, the others can either share or pay their own. I never have more than 2 courses, never have expensive drinks, never have expensive items off the menu. There's no way I'm going to contribute for other people's more expensive meals!

Not not fair. You've ended up subsidising them and they know it. You were probably taken aback and missed the moment to object but in future pipe up quickly "no we will need to split per adult as there's only one of me". We used to go out and eat with a group of other families and one guy was prone to grab the bill and announce we'd split per adult. He had three children and I had one so he did well out of that arrangement. (The others had two kids per family so it was less noticeable for them. ) I learnt to swipe the bill first and announce a fairer split. He also had a habit of gathering all the cash to pay and further subsidising his bill payment from the tips people had included. Got wise to that one too. CFs. You have to keep an eye on them!

I really can’t understand not saying something at the time, no drama, just « I think we each need to pay 1/5th ».

The only time where I see couples (or roommates) as a unit is when we share taxis and we pay per stop. At a restaurant you definitely pay for the amount of food so per person.

What a ridiculous comment.

Again, that comment should be aimed at the tight couples trying to get someone else to subsidise them, don’t you think? Or do you feel entitled to tell people not to go out to dinner if they can’t afford to subsidise you?

I’m guessing the person who suggested splitting it three ways didn’t think (ie, they weren’t intentionally being a CF). Personally I think it’s too late to raise it now, but I’d give them the benefit of the doubt. If it happens again though, I think you should definitely speak up. There’s no way that’s fair!

This

This exactly his my question

You are £20 out of pocket because you went along with a silly, obviously wrong suggestion rather than because someone made a silly suggestion in the first place.

No need for any unpleasantness or embarrassment to simply point out that given there were five of you, it's not fair. No one could possibly argue that the first suggestion was sensible.

After a lovely evening it was obviously just a mistake.

Please, next time, use your words.

It's a voluntary pushover tax, very, very simple to avoid.

You call it snide - I call it common fucking sense.

Also I've been around MN long enough to know that people don't put all the pertinent information in the OP.

Don't be obtuse
The actual point you were trying to make might be 'common fucking sense'.
I, and the vast majority of other posters made the same point, we just came out and said it .
Just have the courage of your convictions and say 'You should have done X' rather than this odd 'I'll pretend to not know what's going on by asking what happened when you said/did [the thing I think you should have done] despite the fact you have already made clear you didn't do/say it.'

It's a weird thing peculiar to MN that I've never seen anywhere else.

What possible relevance is it that on other threads not all the info is included in the OP when on this actual thread the info is included? The post says very clearly "I...was too embarrassed to say anything. As a result I’m £20 out of pocket."

I wouldn’t go out for dinner with someone who had a problem with splitting a bill. If anyone I knew had a problem about £20 they’re not worth asking for dinner, I’ve paid more than my actual cost many times & I don’t give it any more thought. Ridiculous over £20

Well you're very fortunate to be in the situation where £20 is no big deal to you.

AND OP was happy to split the bill 5 ways between 5 people. Why should she pay a third of the bill when there were 5 people there?!

These awful passive aggressive replies 🙄

You KNOW she didn’t because she said so in her post, obviously.

Why be so horrible?

Ah well. More fool you then frankly.

good god almighty, what has MN become. what an awful spiteful response to the OP

Op, you need to learn to speak up for yourself. Especially if they’re your friends.
and if they’re your friends I would assume an oversight rather than it being malicious.
If it were me with my mates I would have said something like ‘hang on a minute, there’s only one of me! And I’m not a pisshead like the rest of you lot. Why am I subsidising your gluttony?’.

Or the couples should stay home and not go out for meals if they can’t afford to eat out without a single friend subsidises them.

Works both ways

Are you always this nasty? Op probably can afford a meal for HERSELF. Many people aren't really in a position to subsidise others. The other people were being entitled mfs op. But you should have spoken up.

Wow betide people struggling a bit in the current economic climate dare to allow themselves an occasional treat.

Just stay at home with dry toast everyone on less that 100k - how dare you want a life outside your front door