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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bill-splitting

270 replies

Clemsie · 31/05/2023 00:27

Five of us had dinner last night - two couples and myself (I’m a single parent). At the end when the bill arrived, one of the couples declared that the bill would be split three ways. I’m not sure how it made sense that a bill for a party of five was split three ways but was too embarrassed to say anything. As a result I’m £20 out of pocket. AIBU to think that the bill should not
have been split three ways? Also, should I just stay quiet about the £20 and never go out with them again? What is the correct bill-splitting etiquette in this situation?

OP posts:
JudgeRudy · 01/06/2023 22:19

Clemsie · 31/05/2023 00:34

I didn’t make any suggestion. I was too shy/embarrassed to say anything.

The split definitely wasn't fair (unless you've gone mad with the side dishes) but I think the bigger problem is why you felt unable to say so in the company of your friends. You've said you're a bit shy. It's OK to be reserved but even shy people need to be assertive at times. Is this something you could work on?
It's quite probable no-one gave it much thought (yes they should have done) and did not set out to rip you off. You're case is water tight. If they disagreed they're not your friends.

ditalini · 01/06/2023 22:22

Hmm1234 · 01/06/2023 21:06

£20 is not extortionate but it’s fiddly splitting a bill between five people. Maybe don’t go for meals with couples on the future

Well that's just not true is it?

Example 1: bill comes to £83 - round it up to £85, divide by 5 (surely one of the easiest of times tables). £17 each. Call it £20 and you've got a generous tip.

Example 2: bill comes to £237 - round it to £240, divide by 5. £48 each. Call it £50 - you probably want to chuck a few more quid at the tip unless the service wasn't all that.

I'm shit at arithmetic and even I wouldn't need to get my phone out for that.

fetchacloth · 01/06/2023 23:01

MillicentTrilbyHiggins · 01/06/2023 21:12

How is dividing by 3 any easier than dividing by 5?
Gosh. If only we all had a calculator available Wink

Most smartphones have calculators these days and dividing by 5 isn't that difficult anyway.

Billyho · 01/06/2023 23:05

Ponoka7 · 01/06/2023 18:53

You can't moan when you didn't speak up. People suggest things without thinking.

Yes she can and people should think! It’s really fucking weird that they didn’t think and it wax i their favour..

Do you not think about things that happen to go in your favour…

MillicentTrilbyHiggins · 01/06/2023 23:07

fetchacloth · 01/06/2023 23:01

Most smartphones have calculators these days and dividing by 5 isn't that difficult anyway.

Show quote history

Well exactly. TbF I'm pretty sure my 1st ever mobile circa 1998 had a calculator on it too.

But yes, dividing by 5 is pretty simple.

Freckles978 · 02/06/2023 00:03

This happened to me once about 10 years ago! And I still think about it to this day!

These people are taking the piss, and saw you as a people pleaser probably. Next time, say that you will pay for what you ate, simple! :)

chaosmaker · 02/06/2023 00:09

Why do people split the bill when they should just pay for what they ordered and consumed? I will never get this. It's rude and can cost someone that doesn't drink for example a lot more than they should pay.

GeorginaBell · 02/06/2023 00:24

celticprincess · 01/06/2023 12:27

I’m very blunt when it comes to bill splitting as a single person who doesn’t drink alcohol and rarely buys soft drinks either as I get too full/bloated. I usually say I’ll pay my share then you split the rest of the others/couples had fairly similar meal spends and drinks. I once was shouted down when the service charge of 10% was added to the final bill and everyone wanted to split that too. My £5 pizza and tap water was to become £10!! No chance. I said I’d happily add my 10% on but I had chosen my meal that night out as I was skint. People thought I was being unreasonable and it came up frequently after the event but I wasn’t being bullied into doubling my spend.

That wasn’t fair on you at all but then these type of mindsets are also incredibly stupid with their money in life!

Buffs · 02/06/2023 01:25

I would have done what you did, I don’t like arguing about money. It is however rude and thoughtless and I would be in no hurry to see them again and would never go out for dinner with them.

lauraisa · 02/06/2023 02:32

People treat you the way you let them.

Sparklynewcareer · 02/06/2023 06:32

The bill should have been split 5 ways, no doubt. Chalk this one up to experience and write off the £20 this time.
if they are good mates then I would let it slide this time, but be prepared with your answer ready for next time so it doesent happen again.
it perfectly fair to say does anyone mind if we split 5 ways instead of 3 and there’s only one of me? What your asking is the fairest option.
good luck!
you were caught off guard last time so don’t beat yourself up over it.

LT1982 · 02/06/2023 06:34

Attractedtotheofflimits · 31/05/2023 00:38

It's £20. Hardly gonna break the bank

£20 might break the bank for some people. Patronising much?

Baba197 · 02/06/2023 06:47

Not fair at all. I’ve been in similar situations, you need to speak up at the time there’s not much can do after the event but if they are good friends and arrange another night out just say you’d love to but can only afford it if the bill is split equally as last time you were out of pocket and unfortunately you just don’t have the budget to cover it. If they’re good friends it won’t be an issue and if they make a fuss then you just don’t go for dinner with them again

Ponoka7 · 02/06/2023 07:08

Billyho · 01/06/2023 23:05

Yes she can and people should think! It’s really fucking weird that they didn’t think and it wax i their favour..

Do you not think about things that happen to go in your favour…

Show quote history

People don't do what they should. We don't know if they'd had a drink. The OP is going to be very disappointed if she goes through life expecting everyone else to be psychic. It isn't rude to state your preference, speak up when asked.

Kazzyhoward · 02/06/2023 07:14

Hmm1234 · 01/06/2023 21:06

£20 is not extortionate but it’s fiddly splitting a bill between five people. Maybe don’t go for meals with couples on the future

How is dividing by 5 "fiddly"? You divide by 10 and double it. So if the bill is £126, divide by 10 gives £12.60, double it gives £25.20. Don't they teach mental arithmetic anymore?

KTheGrey · 02/06/2023 07:20

Gosh your "friends" are mean. All my friends seem to be the other way, and I have to push them out of the way to pay my share of anything or they will sneak off and pay the whole bill by pretending to have gone to the loo.

But I think that your friends are taking advantage, and a mean advantage at that.

Do you enjoy their company that much? Is this a good hint to make more generous friends?

Dibbydoos · 02/06/2023 07:42

Outrageous, tight arses to expect you to subsidise their meal

I honestly have no idea why you didn't say anything because you clearly knew it was inappropriate!

Nordicrain · 02/06/2023 07:48

Definitely bad way to split. But you need to speak up OP. Not doing so just cost you £20.

mcmooberry · 02/06/2023 09:32

Good that it's made the papers, those friends are a disgrace taking advantage of you like that. With friends like those.....

Thequeenofwishfulthinking · 02/06/2023 09:36

You pay for what you have in my neck of the woods.

LT1982 · 02/06/2023 09:49

Arguably splitting 5 ways is less fiddly than dividing by 3

AllyCart · 02/06/2023 15:10

@Ponoka7

The OP is going to be very disappointed if she goes through life expecting everyone else to be psychic.

You don't need to be Clinton Baptiste to realise that one person shouldn't be paying double everyone else for their meal.

SleepingStandingUp · 02/06/2023 15:27

chaosmaker · 02/06/2023 00:09

Why do people split the bill when they should just pay for what they ordered and consumed? I will never get this. It's rude and can cost someone that doesn't drink for example a lot more than they should pay.

Because lots of people can split sensibly. We split but if someone isn't drinking we exclude alcohol. Starters and desserts count as the same. I don't know why, It's just what we do.

SleepingStandingUp · 02/06/2023 15:29

Hmm1234 · 01/06/2023 21:06

£20 is not extortionate but it’s fiddly splitting a bill between five people. Maybe don’t go for meals with couples on the future

Yes op, stick to single people and even numbers, you're making it hard on people who have to press 5 instead of 4 on their calculator 🙄🙄