I was 18, he was 31

[UptownFuckYouUp]

Married with children now. We initially met at work, although he wasn't in a position of power over me. I pursued the relationship and he turned me down multiple times due to my age before we started dating. I'm nearly 30 now and I'm wondering just how wrong our relationship is/was? Or does it not matter now all these years down the line? Does the fact that I pursued him make it ok?

I don't see the problem - you were both legal age and it doesn't sound like he pressured you

👆👆👆

😂

Did he know you as a youngster OP?

@CherieBabySpliffUp If you're going to troll hunt can you do it somewhere else? It's possible for a news story to bring up new emotions in someone's personal life

Yes it was wrong and weird of him to start sleeping with you when you were 18 and he was 31.
makes no odds that you pursued him.

@UptownFuckYouUp what emotions is it bringing though? Unless your going to drip feed, your relationship sounds like a consenting one judging by your OP. Plenty of people at 18 have partners in mid to late 20s and plenty of people have big age gaps.
At 18, my Frist boyfriend was 29. I met him at work and I'm not scarred by it. It was a fantastic relationship for 4 years

@DannyLaRuesBestFrock no, he didn't meet me until I was 18

If a 31-year old friend of mine was dating an 18-year old I would definitely judge them.

How old were you when you met?

This boy on Phil's team apparently met him as a school boy and was supposedly groomed. A huge difference between starting a relationship at 18 with someone you met at work

When I was 17 I pursued a 30 year old man. We were together for nearly 2 years and I still wonder now at 46 what on earth was he thinking. I didn't realise at the time how damaging and unhealthy it was for me.

I'm the mother of an 18 year old now and would be deeply concerned if my son came home with a woman 12 years older than him.

You will.get a range of answers on here ,some will be horrified and bang on about you bring a school.girl at 18 ,even though many are not
some will.say it's fine you were an adult
I.guess ,it's how you feel,you are both adults albeit with large age gap
do you feel there was an imbalance of power?

Can the PS police just report my thread and be gone, rather than hinder any well meaning advice/insight that might come my way

@x2boys I agree, there will be mixed answers.on this thread. Maybe I'm bias because my first boyfriend was older than me, and my brother started a relationship at 19 with a woman 10 years old than him and they're still together 10 years on with a child.

I think it just depends on the person and the situation

18 and 31 does feel a bit borderline but then again DH and I were 22 and 35 🤷‍♀️

I did have a professional career, child and owned my house with a mortgage at that age though so I was more mature than your average 22 year old I suppose.

But no, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it - you were both adults. I couldn’t personally see any appeal in someone 13 years younger though and certainly not teenagers.

That’s an interesting way of phrasing it –

He didn’t me till I was 18

rather than

I met him when I was 18

It’s like you’re writing from the older person’s perspective. Is it a reverse?

This wasn't unusual in days gone by. I went out with a 25 year old when I was 17 and at the time it seemed fine but now I look back and feel like he was really into teenage girls. Before me he was seeing a 16 year old. I think some men just like 'em young.

@UptownFuckYouUp what advice are you after? Unless your going to do a massive drip feed, there sounds nothing wrong with the way your relationship started judging by your OP

no it doesn't. There's nothing odd about the phrasing whatsoever.

There is nothing wrong with an age gap all other things being equal. Some people like older / younger people and sometimes you just ‘click’. I’ve had relationships with large age gaps and also have a big circle of friends which span a huge age range, I like people because I like people, not based on their age (sexual relationship wise they obviously have to be over the age of consent before anyone questions it).

It's only on MN that if there is more than a two day difference in age between people its seem as creepy, gross, weird etc, even in friendships.

I suppose it depends when it was. In the 70's and 80's we were considered responsible adults at 18. Today's 18 year olds seem to be treated like toddlers.

I’d ask yourself why this is raising questions for you now. Why did you pursue an older man so persistently? Do you think your husband should have rejected you? Do you feel taken advantage of?

Fwiw I don’t think this is comparable with the PS situation. You were an adult when you met and he wasn’t in a position of power over you. Plus you actively pursued him and he rejected you multiple times giving you ample opportunity to rethink. That being said, I do think the age gap was likely too big given that you were only 18 but if you’re happy now there should be no issue. Are you unhappy with the relationship?

@OCarumba no, that's just my phrasing. Not a reverse

It's pretty weird. I would cut back on seeing a 31 year old friend that chose to date/be in a long-term relationship with an 18 year old. I'd lose respect for them.