I was 18, he was 31

[UptownFuckYouUp]

Married with children now. We initially met at work, although he wasn't in a position of power over me. I pursued the relationship and he turned me down multiple times due to my age before we started dating. I'm nearly 30 now and I'm wondering just how wrong our relationship is/was? Or does it not matter now all these years down the line? Does the fact that I pursued him make it ok?

I had a 30 year old boyfriend when I was 19. I hadn't realised how absolutely fucked up it was until fairly recently but honestly, it's grim.

We’re just two people with two opinions 🤷🏻

I don't remember the same outage when Cheryl Cole started dating Liam Payne who she first met as a 14 year old ,when she was mid 20,s?

I wish the troll hunters would do one.

Op - you were both adults when you go together so there was nothing wrong with it. Was it inappropriate? I can't say- it comes down to the power balance within your relationship. If it's equal and assuming yourDH doesn't letch over teenagers then I don't think you have anything to worry about.

What’s that got to do with the OP’s question?

I think what we have to remember on this thread is "consent".
If the news article is right and PS met this boy as a teenage school boy, then even if he was happy to originally go along with it, a school boy can not give consent and it is absolutely wrong and grooming.
But an 18 year old meeting a man she likes at work, no way compares to the PS situation

You weren't a teenager and a 50 year old. Do you feel you were groomed? I expect not.

good rule of thumb for dating younger is max half your age plus 7.

so 31 shouldn’t date younger than 22, ergo yes it’s creepy.

You were very young compared to him but I don't really see it as terribly wrong or immoral. In the eyes of the law you were both consenting adults. It was a big age gap that becomes less significant as you both get older.
My friend 19 when she started dating a 32 year old. She's now 36 and they're still happily married with 2 children. They're a really well suited couple. With them I see two well matched personalities rather than thinking how wrong it was when they first got together. In their case I never felt he was in a position of power over her. She always had the more dominant personality. It was her that pursued him, her that propsed to him when she was 25. Her that really wanted children etc. Sometimes I look beyond the numbers and see the two people involved.

At 18 I had been working full time for two years. 18 year olds these days are just finishing 6th form/college usually after a lot of hand holding through exams by family/teachers. It’s a very different time.

Im.assuming tis thread is related to.Philip Schofield and recent revelations?

I was with someone 12 years older when I was 18. We had a lovely relationship for several years, lived together, etc.

I don’t have a bad word to say about him or the age gap. It wasn’t wrong and I don’t see why anyone would think it should be recategorised as that.

But then when you're 70 it's ok to date a 42 year old?

I think it's fine, OP.
You were both consenting adults and it sounds like he was cautious.

Are you happy together?

I had a three year relationship with a 42 year old when I was 20. He was a manager (not my direct manager) at our workplace and helped me a lot in my career. Lovely man, no regrets.

Creepy. And he didn't have to respond to your 'pursuits'.

when I was 17 I was secretly seeing a man who was 40, who I’d known since I was 14. This has massively impacted by mental health for years.

after this when I was 19 i started seeing a man who was 30 (that I met when I was 19) we properly fell in love, lasted for 7 years and are still close friends (didn’t tell him about the previous man until years later)

having been groomed I know the second relationship wasn’t that, there was a natural power imbalance due to our ages and respective confidence, but he never abused this - I think it comes down to whether you think your partner exploited power imbalance to get his own way

I was 19, DC dad was 32. We had a long, loving relationship, hit a few bumps in the road, separated and are now trying to repair it. It’s not wrong if the pair of you were consenting adults who entered the relationship knowing what it was. The age gap between me and DP was barely noticeable for us unless we were talking about old movies and music. Neither of us give a damn what anyone else thinks either.

it doesnt matter now

We are happy. Maybe I'm just overthinking things then

This is very true ,I'm 50 this year and did go to college after my GCSE,s but msny of my classmates went straight into work or YTS.

who made this rule?

@UptownFuckYouUp its easy to overthink when you’ve got judgemental posters telling you it is. But at the end of the day you were an adult, you’ve been together many years and only you can say if there’s something not right with your relationship.

We can all give you stories of our age gap relationships that started young but we can’t tell you whether or not your relationship is ok or if you’re happy. If you’re unhappy then tell us, we can offer advice and support.

Sorry OP but that's creepy as fuck