I was 18, he was 31

[UptownFuckYouUp]

Married with children now. We initially met at work, although he wasn't in a position of power over me. I pursued the relationship and he turned me down multiple times due to my age before we started dating. I'm nearly 30 now and I'm wondering just how wrong our relationship is/was? Or does it not matter now all these years down the line? Does the fact that I pursued him make it ok?

I pursued the relationship and he turned me down multiple times due to my age before we started dating.

Not so much him cradle-snatching as the OP grave-robbing, then 🙄

😆😂

That's funny, Regimental. :-)

I can't believe someone has brought the Philip Schofield situation onto this thread, with an opinion based on speculation as per expected.

It was the OP who said that’s what got her thinking

Sorry, but yuck.

All I know is I would be very concerned if my dd started going out with a 31 year old when she’s 18, same if my ds was seeing an older woman. I would wonder why the other person is with someone so young.

What are you trying for?sympathy?I don't understand why you posted this?what is the point?or your point?

The OP's question presumably comes from seeing lots of stuff about how gross it is and how 18-year olds are children and it's making her wonder about whether they've just been blind about how 'wrong' it was for her and her DH to get together when she was a young adult.

And the answer is: it depends on the individuals (and I guess the era as people seem to think 18-year olds are children today). I can say for sure that I was treated wtih far more respect during my relationship between the ages of 18-26 by my boyfriend who was 12 years older than me than my friends were in same-age sexual encounters/flings/relationships.

I'm not sure. My first serious boyfriend was when I was 16 and he was 38. Looking back now I think it was a really bad relationship where I was totally controlled by him. My next relationship at 17 was also with an older man (27) but the feeling of that relationship was different. We were together for 8 years. So I don't think age is important, it's about how they treat you.

Until dh ive always been with men older than me
16 /26
19/36 Eldests DF
25/39

Dh is 3 years younger

it was considered normal in the mid-90s when I was 18. I had a 28 year old boyfriend. I quite liked older men because a bit later I dated a 42 year old. I found them sexy. I grew out of it and actually my DH is 8 years younger.

I had a v brief relationship at 18 with a 26 yr old. I was very much the one in control, in fact I ended it and felt awful as he was gutted. He was an attractive intelligent interesting guy, I hope he found someone good!!

An eighteen year old is not a child, they are legally an adult even if still in education. Of course some are younger in persona than others but that is true of any age. A sixteen year old is not a child, they can't vote but can leave home if able to support themselves and even marry with parents' consent - without it in Scotland where they are of age at 16.

The op's husband did nothing wrong, on the contrary it sounds as though he was very sensible, resisting her for quite a while. I have no idea why she has posted this thread after years of marriage to him and having children, unless she just wants to provoke a discussion; that has certainly been achieved and some opinions are quite an eye opener so from that point of view it has been useful.

Age differences may not matter for a while in the middle but they certainly come back in to play in later life, both mine and DH's parents have/had at least 12 years between them and the difference in 70 and 82 is stark in terms of mobility, health, interests etc

Interestingly, both the DM's got together at 17/18 with the DF's and have/had long and happy marriages but with some frustrations and limitations now.

I understand what you are saying, IGo, but ten to twelve years is not a huge age difference. Yes it does show more as people age but let's face it, some are old at 70 and others still sprightly in their eighties, for example, my mother was extremely fit and well in her mid eighties and husband's granny until she was 99. My grandad was ten years older than granny but she died first in her eighties, he lived to 98.

To me, a big age difference is over fifteen years and sometimes that works though I would have some reservations about it.

We really cannot generalise.

When I was young lots of girls married at 18-19 to guys a few years older, nobody thought twice about it. My neighbours are an example of that, celebrated 51 years of marriage this year. I didn't, I was 25, husband 26, but that was us. We're all different.

The important issues are love and compatibility.

My aunt said that ,she's late 70,s and her husband is late 80,s and she said she never noticed the age gap until old age when he became very frail, but then again there is just four weeks between my parents they are both 81 and my mum is very physically disabled and my Dad pretty much does everything for her .

You certainly can generalise. The data paints a pretty clear picture to generalise with. What you can't do is assume that the general picture will apply to an individual situation.