It's bothering me that some people appear to be pitying me because I have 3 girls

[Hello55]

I had my 3rd girl last year and i hate that during this time a few people have made comments like they are pitying me for having 3 girls. I love them they are my world. It bothers me how dare they? Anyone else experienced this and how have you stopped it bothering you? I'm trying not to let what other people think bother me but I can't help it sometimes and it eats away at me. What can I do? For background I am Asian and traditionally boys are more favoured by people. Have had the odd comment from people from other backgrounds.. 1 person from a white background asking if we would try for a boy!

Also since having my 3rd i have become more conscious about things down the line when they get older.. i worry for them as it is a scary world we live in. Anyone else do this and how do you deal with it?

AIBU for letting peoples comments bother me and also having these future worries?

Tia X

@frazzledasarock 😂 where does it say I know better? I’ve said I doubt that anyone actually does pity her and I would find it difficult to believe anyone would feel sorry for her, because I can’t even fathom what they could feel sorry for or pity. I think it’s just something people say because they think they’re funny or whatever, like “I don’t envy you when they’re all teenagers.” Maybe it’s just because I can’t imagine what would be bad about having three daughters. But I don’t think the OP should take it to heart as she adores the fact that she has 3 girls, so these remarks shouldn’t bother her anyway IMO

@MwahHaHa Why, do you know the people making the comments? Or are you one of the people that feel sorry for the OP having a family who make her happy?

thats great for you that you can’t imagine anyone behaving like that or belonging to a culture that really dislikes women and sees the birth of a daughter of even families they no nothing about as a burden.

thats really great for you.

I can understand and empathise and absolutely know how true and toxic this attitude is.

I was once told by an (Asian) in-law that having a boy puts the seal on motherhood, whatever that meant.
I'm sorry that people are still talking this nonsense in the 21st century. It makes them sound silly and ignorant.

Traditionally, girls would marry and then move in with their husband's family where they would do all the housework and caring for his parents as they aged.
If you didn't produce any sons, you wouldn't have a daughter-in-law to look after you when you got older.
If you only had daughters, you were raising someone else's carers, cooks and cleaners.

I only have DD and no more DC for me , so i got my wish.

I have two DDs here. When pregnant with my latter I suppose I thought we would have a boy and so it took me a little while (an evening) to accept that we wouldn’t as we knew that we wouldn’t have more than 2.

but I wouldn’t call it sex disappointment because it’s been an absolute blessing to see our two girls bond and love each other - I feel so incredibly lucky!

in truth I’ve always wanted a daughter and now I have two!

I do think that it could be worse the other way around based on a friend I know with 3 boys

Interesting. My neighbours are Indian and they have three grown up children, two girls and one boy.

The son used to live with them together with his wife.

They had a massive falling out and the son and his wife moved out.

Part of the problem was that his parents didn't get on with his daughter in law.

I spoke to the mother once and she's very angry at her son. She works part time as a cleaning lady. She blames her son that she has to work.

She said that in her culture it is expected that the son looks after his parents financially when they are older.
That would give her the freedom to look after her grandchildren.

Probably there was a silent expectation of the daughter in law to look after them and cook and clean for them when they got older.

I always wondered why they didn't expect their daughters to look after them financially (they have good jobs).

They probably think that their daughters will at some point be more involved with their husband's families.

My MIL had 3 boys now has 3 granddaughters 1 grandson she's very happy. So I think it happens eventually. I wouldn't know how to parent sons effectively especially in the age of extreme porn and stuff like that. I have a nephew who looks so much like my DD and he's adorable , I think I would find it hard not to be a pushover. I don't want to be an enabling mother. I've seen what some women are like with sons and I'm worried I'd be the same.

@Onomatopoeia4 Sounds as though the son stuck up for his wife.
In the past, wives were often subjected to abuse and violence if they didn't do a good enough job of looking after her husband's family. Still happens in some places.
Cultural problem, not religious

I have a friend who is absolutely lovely in many ways but the way she talks about baby boys is absolutely appalling. Even to me straight after I'd had a boy. Think she described me having my newborn son as 'devastating' when he was hours old. It's so weird and incongruous with the rest of her personality that I have put it down to something deep inside her she doesn't acknowledge. I don't know.

I do think messages we get from society can be very damaging for both boys and girls, and we seem to perpetuate them with outdated stereotypes and tropes about spa days and losing sons to wives etc.

I have 3 girls and when you have girls like mine you don't need a boy 💅

Does she have her own or is she wanting them? Presumably she'll need a sex id ASAP to decide whether she needs an abortion if so?

Does she have her own or is she wanting them? Presumably she'll need a sex id ASAP to decide whether she needs an abortion if so?

She had a girl a few days before my boy was born. She didn't find out the sex but went on and on about how it would be devastating to have had a boy, she and her DH only ever wanted a girl and they'd be gutted, they'd have to try again to get a girl and she didn't want to have another baby.

I struggle to understand it. She is so kind and thoughtful otherwise! My boy was and is and absolute darling so she could not be more wrong 😁

I grew up with 2 sisters so everyone I had something nice it would either disappear or get broken . Now I'm a female in an all male household how lovely it is that I can have my perfume , clothes, lotions and potions all to myself . Having boys is an eyeopener , less emotion over friendships etc , more straightforward, don't hold onto petty grudges and grievances, but they tell you nothing or what they want you to know . That's my experience . I appreciate all families are different.

Ugh. You can't win.

I have two girls so I get "your poor husband's outnumbered, and no one to carry on the family name"

My friend has three boys, she gets "poor mum, no one to take her out for afternoon tea or spa days"

My cousin has one of each, she gets "brothers and sisters are never as close as two of the same" 🙄

Just enjoy your family whatever combination it is and ignore everyone else.

Yep. Me too. Didn't take long for the negativity about boys to start!

I have five DC

In the order of boy, girl, boy, girl, boy.

Some people have told me that I should have stopped at two, as this is what apparently normal people with one of each sex do.

You can't ever win, but you can choose not to give a fuck which is the same thing.

I'm not sure I'd want my boy growing u around her or her girl tbh tho. Knowing she hated him in such an intrinsic level.

How did she ever force herself to copulate with a man?

I have 3 lads, I think this would end the friendship for me

Four boys here too and I’ve been asked a lot am I heartbroken and was I trying for a girl (because I had 4). Um no, was just trying for a healthy family!!

I'm pregnant with my 3rd boy and have had several 'oh never mind!' 'Oh what a shame not another boy!' Type comments. It makes me really sad! My current two are soooo different from each other so it's not like 'having 3 of the SAME' .. they aren't the same!

We have 2 girls and 1 boy. Our son is 4 months old and almost daily I still get "your husband must be delighted you got a son!". It's so weird.

@Purple444 , do you think you'd get anything for them? How would you describe them - New (Other), Pre-loved, Past the BB date?

@Scottishgirl85 , they are just making conversation without engaging their common sense. Ask why they say that and they'll say something about football/sports/diy...
you know, the things you need a penis to do/enjoy.

Agree with pp. People are the same when it’s all boys, they can’t seem to get their head around anyone being happy with not having one of each.

I also had ‘I bet their dads really sad he’s not having a son’