It's bothering me that some people appear to be pitying me because I have 3 girls

[Hello55]

I had my 3rd girl last year and i hate that during this time a few people have made comments like they are pitying me for having 3 girls. I love them they are my world. It bothers me how dare they? Anyone else experienced this and how have you stopped it bothering you? I'm trying not to let what other people think bother me but I can't help it sometimes and it eats away at me. What can I do? For background I am Asian and traditionally boys are more favoured by people. Have had the odd comment from people from other backgrounds.. 1 person from a white background asking if we would try for a boy!

Also since having my 3rd i have become more conscious about things down the line when they get older.. i worry for them as it is a scary world we live in. Anyone else do this and how do you deal with it?

AIBU for letting peoples comments bother me and also having these future worries?

Tia X

I honestly don't get why this would bother you. For everyone who is disappointed with 3 girls there is someone else (2/3 based on the pregnancy boards!) who want all girls.

I'd feel like I'd won the lottery with 3 girls!
Daughters are amazing.
You're happy about it, so don't let irrelevant people steal your joy.

I have 2 dds. Not having any more but if it happened I'd rather a daughter just cos it's working out so well with my first 2!!

People have asked me if we'll "keep trying for a boy". Their sons seem like PITA so I'm not that anxious thanks.

I think people just say it for something to say.

@Hello55 , my stock reply was 'Why do you ask?'

No matter what you do people will find an angle to make you feel like your your doing something wrong or missing out. It starts at natural birth vs section, bottle vs breast fed, co-sleeping vs sleep training. I have only one child so everyone asks will he not be lonely and do I not feel bad that he will have nobody. The answer is no and no. I love my family exactly as it is and I'm delighted for anyone who makes different choices that suits them.

I had a brother and think that "one of each" may be interesting for the parents, if they are very interested in witnessing first hand both sexes in action, but it isn't great for the children. I would far rather have had a sister and I'm sure my brother would have preferred having a boy to play with. The only benefit to having your own baby boy is that you're less likely to say argh! when seeing a baby boy having their nappy changed (it's very different!).

I have 4 girls.

I find most of the comments are around pitying my DH.
I do get comments about if we'll be trying again/ we should try again. Our eldest had health concerns though so my priority always has been a healthy baby. If we did try again the sex of the baby wouldn't matter.

I do get the odd person make lovely comments though.

I have a boy and a girl and people keep saying "oooh one of each that's good". I genuinely didn't care what sex baby 2 would be. In fact my son is very sensitive, prefers drawing to being boisterous and if my daughter is like me as child, likely to be a Tom boy. Its so weird how people get over this, especially as the comments can be so personal!

@vanimal it may be true but still a bit tone deaf when lots of pp have said they have all boys

What other people think and say doesn’t matter.

Sit and think about it for a moment … no matter what the subject is, unless someone close has died/had an accident/is very ill, what difference is it going to make to your life? Will them saying things change your life? Will them thinking things change your life? No! Nothing will change. But YOU have to change the way you react. Simply realise none of it matters and then you’ll free yourself from all that worry and anxiety.

I’m from an Asian background and have four girls.

I do get pitying looks and questions if I’ll have another in the hopes of a boy.

I did ask my mother who was utterly bitchy about my older girls what amazing accomplishment her son has achieved that surpass her daughters.

and to be frank my older girls have achieved more than that.

so now I get the same women who looked down on me for having girls wanting their sons to marry my girls.

People have too much time on their hands.

enjoy your family.

You might want to follow pink ladoo project ... it challenges gender prejudice in south Asian communities.

This prejudice sometimes also rears its head in other communities.

Families that have boys may also face this but both responses are usually still centred around the worth of girls being less ... something to dress up , protect and bring a 'gentleness' to family dynamics .

I'm one of three girls, and two of us were very easy as teenagers, I'd say. Yes, we could be moody, but we never gave our parents reason to worry or despair. The third of us was probably more of a worry for a while, but that wasn't related to her being a girl. The idea that girls are worse as teens seems strange to me. It's largely down to up-bringing and fate/genetics/mental health. If anything, I'd worry more about the teen years with a son than a daughter.

YANBU to be annoyed. People should keep their negative opinions to themselves. In general, don't daughters tend to be more involved in their parents' lives than sons, more likely to visit, offer help, etc.? It seems to be the case, in my experience.

I have 3 DDs , our family is great . I often hear my dh saying how lucky he is to be surrounded by women ! Lol!

My parents had 2 girls and a boy. The boy (my brother ) never bothers with anyone and is only interested in what his wife wants. Me and my sister are close and always bother with my parents. I’ve seen this a lot with sons once they marry everything is about their partner and partners family. If you have a son you will just be the dreaded MIL that you read about on here so much. Very happy I have a dd.

Lots of good advice and suggestions on here. My kids are teens now, and the comments about the shape and make-up of your family definitely tail off as they get older, so hopefully you can look forward to it naturally easing anyway.

People do say stupid things about kids. My sister has one of each, and was taken aback at how many people congratulated her on that specific 'achievement' when her second was born.

People just don't think. I have twins and when they were babies you couldn't walk down the street without someone commenting (very often in a nice way!). I remember one elderly woman stopping me, peering into the buggy, announcing that they were twins and following it up with: 'I'm a twin. I hated it. I still hate it.' And off she went. I have no idea what possible reason you would have for saying that to a new mum of twins!

Another Mamma to 3 daughters here, also Indian so completely understand your feelings.

When my 3rd daughter was born, I was read. All the busy bodies that made their sad face comments were promptly handed a box of pink Ladoo's (Indian sweets, traditionally yellow and are handed out when a boy is born), and told to celebrate her arrival. Their faces were a picture!

I'm currently pregnant, very early, and if all goes well, I'd LOVE to have a healthy baby, boy, or girl!!

As for the future, teach your girls to advocate, advocate, and then advocate some more. Also, teach them about autonomy and that they will absolutely have to speak up for themselves because when it comes down to it, they are their own greatest strength and voice!!

You've been blessed with 3 healthy children, screw everyone else, and just enjoy them.

Keep those people away from your amazing girls!!!! Let them blaze their own trail 🔥🔥🔥🔥❤️

@RoseGoldEagle , I wanted to ask that too, but wasn't brave enough. The 'one of each' hadn't crossed my mind until i had DD2.

I have no children but my much loved younger brother has 2 daughters (and no sons).

He has said several times that he loves being a Dad of daughters only and he cannot even imagine having boys in the house.

It must be hard to have girls in a culture where sons are valued more than daughters.

I can only relate in the sense that I have two boys and people often assume I must be disappointed (but weirdly assume my husband must be delighted - he is, but he would have been thrilled with 2 girls too!)

But I don’t think that’s the same as a cultural preference for boys.

The idea that girls are worse as teens seems strange to me. It's largely down to up-bringing and fate/genetics/mental health. If anything, I'd worry more about the teen years with a son than a daughter.

I agree with you. I think that the idea that girls are worse as teenagers comes from the general perception that boys don’t/shouldn’t share their emotions, so are less ‘hassle’. Which of course is completely unhealthy.

I have 3 boys
Got told when DS3 was a baby, and I was in the supermarket with them, that I must be devastated
I breezily replied not to worry, I was going to get him adopted and get a girl instead 😂

He is 16 tomorrow, nearly didn't have him because I was in a DV situation, he is my greatest blessing

Children are people, they are all different

I am the girliest girl ever, one of 3 girls, went to a single sex school
and have LOVED being a mum to only boys

Someone pitying only girls is highly unusual in my experience

Ignore those people, they are stupid.

I have one boy and one girl. I am currently pregnant with my third.

I wouldn't have minded if my two were the same gender and I don't care what my 3rd baby is.

The main thing is that they are healthy. That's all that matters.

I do sometimes comment to twins. I just think they seem so wonderful and special 💕 (and I know how hard it was to look after just one baby at a time) it's a mixture of wonder and awe and just their cuteness.