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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be devastated

211 replies

Bagpuss2022 · 25/05/2023 16:46

I know it sounds melodramatic and I have actually cried over this.
my DH had a day off on Monday he sorted out our unit in the living room. He didn’t tell me he was doing this by the way or would of told him what not to chuck.
He's gone and thrown away a A3 folder of all the kids special bits from school you know the kind the nursery ones with the handprints and that poem. There first mothers days cards y6 leaving certificates with photos on etc. I am ruthless and only ever keep the very special bits
we have 3 Dc oldest 22 youngest 13 so it’s not like I’m going to get anything like that again.
He said he thought it was just junk I know
he's not as sentimental as me but come on he could of least checked with me.
He thinks I’m being silly and is now in a mood with me

OP posts:
Lemonfanta4 · 25/05/2023 16:47

Did he not check what he was chucking?

yanbu

Kingdedede · 25/05/2023 16:47

I’m with you. I’d be fuming.

IhearyouClemFandango · 25/05/2023 16:48

See, I'm not sentimental so wouldn't have kept them. But, if someone else has kept something I would not throw it without asking.

baddecisions11 · 25/05/2023 16:48

That is incredibly thoughtless of him. You would expect as they are his children too he would want to keep them! YANBU

Cam22 · 25/05/2023 16:49

This reply has been deleted

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ssd · 25/05/2023 16:49

Oh god im so sorry this is something dh would do, unintentionally, and it would kill me too.Flowers

Theunamedcat · 25/05/2023 16:49

Is it gone or in the outside bin?

Happened to me too erased my daughters childhood memories in a heartbeat im still bitter

Cam22 · 25/05/2023 16:49

YABU

FrenchandSaunders · 25/05/2023 16:50

oh blimey I would be upset about this as well, what was he thinking!!

Thedogscollar · 25/05/2023 16:50

Yes that would upset me too. YANBU.

bobby81 · 25/05/2023 16:51

That would upset me so much. DP knows to always check with me first after a couple of near misses!

MuffinToSeeHere · 25/05/2023 16:53

It would upset me greatly so absolutely not at all unreasonable. It doesn't even matter if he's not sentimental he obviously knew you were keeping them because they were important to you and yet unilaterally decided to throw them away.

Has the bin been emptied ?

Magazinenotliving · 25/05/2023 16:53

I hated all that stuff, the forced ‘activity’ items kids brought home. It meant nothing to me and I threw them out the same day they came home. I did keep the stuff my kids freely close themselves to make for me. The point is, we all find different things sentimental and I think we all have the capacity to realise something is important to others, based on how ( different) things are important to us.

Your H has been an utter dick to throw it away, and even more so not to be mortified when he realised what he did. I think I would be more disturbed at him for the latter than the former.

piedbeauty · 25/05/2023 16:58

It doesn't matter what other posters think of keepsakes like this, all that matters is how OP feels.

I sympathise, op - I'd be so upset if dh did this. If you have kept all these things, it's clear that you still want them and you don't want them to be thrown out!!

Has the bin been collected?

Tessisme · 25/05/2023 17:06

YANBU. I'd be really upset too OP.

Thankfully DP would never do this as, when he was in his late teens and away inter-railing, his mum 'tidied' his room and threw away ALL his personal stuff. Concert tickets. Photographs. Birthday cards. Letters. Certificates earned for sporting achievements. She said it was all junk. So, DP is extra cautious about this kind of thing.

knittingaddict · 25/05/2023 17:11

Cam22 · 25/05/2023 16:49

YABU

Did your first post not put the boot in enough?

I'm sorry op. I don't keep everything, but a few special things are nice to have. There is no way that I would chuck without checking with other interested parties first.

Original poster
Bagpuss2022 · 25/05/2023 17:17

It went into the paper/cardboard waste bin and was emptied yesterday . I didn’t realise till today when I went to get the passports to do some visas for our holiday.

He’s not mortified can’t understand yes it was junk to him it’s the lack of thought and care really. He keeps old carrier bags from his football team shop I think they are junk and stupid keeping but would never get rid as they obviously important to him.
I understand some people are not sentimental and that’s fine I am after a horrific childhood things like that are important to me .
he doesn’t see the point in keeping old school photographs as we don’t display them luckily they survived

OP posts:
MrsRinaDecker · 25/05/2023 17:19

That’s really unfair of him! Not just to you, but I know how much my young adult dc really appreciate the items I’ve kept.

Brightredtulips · 25/05/2023 17:20

I would be raging and upset too.

MuffinToSeeHere · 25/05/2023 17:22

I think I'd be more pissed off about the lack of consideration to your feelings than the fact they were thrown out. I'm so sorry the bin has already been emptied.

I genuinely wouldn't be able to think of him in the same way again given how dismissive he is being.

CoraPirbright · 25/05/2023 17:24

“He keeps old carrier bags from his football team shop I think they are junk and stupid keeping but would never get rid as they obviously important to him.”

This makes it even worse!! He clearly does understand that some things have sentimental value! I have a feeling that his grump is because he is secretly feeing guilty about being a twat. But what is to be done? The only thing is that he apologises and recognises, sincerely, that he has hurt you. I am so sorry OP - it would upset me too.

Lovingitallnow · 25/05/2023 17:24

He keeps bags from a shop as keepsakes but somehow things 22 years of saved artwork shite is junk? Like does he think that's all that they brought home? How could he not realise it has been saved? Wtf.

NeverTrustAPoliceman · 25/05/2023 17:28

We have a couple of file boxes per child and the adult DC lve to occasionally go through them. They would be devastated, not just me.

I'm sorry OP, that seems so sad.

HerodAntipasti · 25/05/2023 17:29

You need to put him in the bin.

LlamaFace19 · 25/05/2023 17:29

I would be upset too, YANBU.