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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be devastated

211 replies

Bagpuss2022 · 25/05/2023 16:46

I know it sounds melodramatic and I have actually cried over this.
my DH had a day off on Monday he sorted out our unit in the living room. He didn’t tell me he was doing this by the way or would of told him what not to chuck.
He's gone and thrown away a A3 folder of all the kids special bits from school you know the kind the nursery ones with the handprints and that poem. There first mothers days cards y6 leaving certificates with photos on etc. I am ruthless and only ever keep the very special bits
we have 3 Dc oldest 22 youngest 13 so it’s not like I’m going to get anything like that again.
He said he thought it was just junk I know
he's not as sentimental as me but come on he could of least checked with me.
He thinks I’m being silly and is now in a mood with me

OP posts:
grumpycow1 · 25/05/2023 18:14

Please get rid of something special to him. Maybe he will get it then. What an arse. I’d understand if random bits of paper but in a folder?? That shows care was put into keeping them and he should have checked. This would be a massive deal for me as it shows a lack of respect for you and your belongings/space.

lemmein · 25/05/2023 18:15

MindIfISlytherin · 25/05/2023 18:10

I was sad for you when I read you first post, but was raging when I read your update about the football carrier bags. I'm not a vindictive person at all but I would hide his precious plastic junk, tell him I'd thrown it away, and watch his reaction.

I'd use them as dog shit bags!

Superdupes · 25/05/2023 18:15

What an asshole. I'm all for pretending you've chucked his carrier bags as you thought they were junk in a few weeks times (so it doesn't look like tit for tat). Then when he gets upset/angry you can say all the crap to him that he's said to you and point out that how he feels is exactly how you felt about the things he chucked. It might teach him a little bit of empathy - but I wouldn't hold your breath.

Newspeaker · 25/05/2023 18:15

What an absolute arsehole.

Smineusername · 25/05/2023 18:16

Yeah I don't think it was an accident

RandomMess · 25/05/2023 18:18

I'd throw out his carrier bags too and show no remorse.

AnotherCleftMum · 25/05/2023 18:20

Mañanarama · 25/05/2023 17:45

What a knobhead. I’d be trying to contact the council waste department to see if there was any chance at all they can locate it. Might sound ridiculous but it’s in a large folder and recyclable waste isn’t mushed up like normal bins, much of it is hand sorted.

My friend took photos of all her children’s artwork and random models of stuff, and had one of those printed photo books made. She then binned all the stuff. I’ve been meaning to do this for years.

@Bagpuss2022 This is a good idea - at least worth a call to see if it is possible for them to have a look.

Riverlee · 25/05/2023 18:21

I would be very upset as well (and would cry).

bunchofforgetmenots · 25/05/2023 18:22

I would be devastated by this. And very angry about his response

Fuckitydoodah · 25/05/2023 18:22

I'd be very upset at the loss of the keepsakes, and very angry that he hadn't bothered to check before chucking. What an arsehole move.

And yes, I would tear up and bin his football bits in retaliation. Petty I know, but I'd say it was deserved.

Neekoh · 25/05/2023 18:23

Those precious carrier bags of his would be cut up and thrown straight into the bin. I'm not kidding.

How dare he.

It's completely understandable that you're devastated. Flowers

TomatoSandwiches · 25/05/2023 18:24

Bagpuss2022 · 25/05/2023 17:17

It went into the paper/cardboard waste bin and was emptied yesterday . I didn’t realise till today when I went to get the passports to do some visas for our holiday.

He’s not mortified can’t understand yes it was junk to him it’s the lack of thought and care really. He keeps old carrier bags from his football team shop I think they are junk and stupid keeping but would never get rid as they obviously important to him.
I understand some people are not sentimental and that’s fine I am after a horrific childhood things like that are important to me .
he doesn’t see the point in keeping old school photographs as we don’t display them luckily they survived

Chuck his crap out and then maybe he will be able to empathise.

What a horrible man, he doesn't get to be in a mood with you because HE fucked up and upset you.

HappiestSleeping · 25/05/2023 18:25

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This 👆

Brefugee · 25/05/2023 18:26

He’s not mortified can’t understand yes it was junk to him it’s the lack of thought and care really. He keeps old carrier bags from his football team shop I think they are junk and stupid keeping but would never get rid as they obviously important to him.

chuck them.
And then tell him if he ever bins something of yours again without checking it will be something else dear to him next time. And the next. Until he learns his lesson. 😁

ViburnumFarreri · 25/05/2023 18:27

I would reserve ‘devastated’ for death/disability kind of stuff, but YcertainlyANBU to be very sad and fucking apoplectically furious at his thoughtlessness.

Mañanarama · 25/05/2023 18:30

AnotherCleftMum · 25/05/2023 18:20

@Bagpuss2022 This is a good idea - at least worth a call to see if it is possible for them to have a look.

Show quote history

Hopefully it’s in a brightly coloured folder!

Glitterblue · 25/05/2023 18:30

Oh no, I’d also be completely devastated. You’re definitely not being unreasonable.

OooohKeepYourKnickersOn · 25/05/2023 18:32

I'd be so upset too but his reaction is truly awful

MedievalMadness · 25/05/2023 18:32

That's an awful thing to have done. If it was all in a folder than you'd look before binning it and its contents. I don't believe it was an accident. His reaction to your distress is equally shit. It's not about what these things meant to him, it's what they might mean to you that should have stopped him from even considering binning that without checking with you first 😡. Really upset for you OP

Oldermum84 · 25/05/2023 18:34

What a dick. I'd be devastated too.

EbonyRaven · 25/05/2023 18:37

Sounds dramatic, and it IS a first world problem, but yeah I would be gutted too @Bagpuss2022 What a shitty thing for him to do. I would find it hard to ever forgive him for this tbh. You can never replace this kind of stuff. I'm so sorry. Flowers

35965a · 25/05/2023 18:37

The fact he doesn’t even give a toss makes him such a prick. Any normal person would apologise for causing upset to their partner. I would quite happily throw his bags or whatever they are away, but then I am quite vindictive.

MysteryBelle · 25/05/2023 18:40

How awful. I would feel exactly the same as you do. And he doesn’t even feel sorry about it, he is a very unkind and thoughtless person.

JudgeRudy · 25/05/2023 18:44

Bagpuss2022 · 25/05/2023 16:46

I know it sounds melodramatic and I have actually cried over this.
my DH had a day off on Monday he sorted out our unit in the living room. He didn’t tell me he was doing this by the way or would of told him what not to chuck.
He's gone and thrown away a A3 folder of all the kids special bits from school you know the kind the nursery ones with the handprints and that poem. There first mothers days cards y6 leaving certificates with photos on etc. I am ruthless and only ever keep the very special bits
we have 3 Dc oldest 22 youngest 13 so it’s not like I’m going to get anything like that again.
He said he thought it was just junk I know
he's not as sentimental as me but come on he could of least checked with me.
He thinks I’m being silly and is now in a mood with me

YANU to cry. You have every right to be upset. If someone did this to me and dismissed my feelings and went in a mood I'd be raging and (internally) hatching plots of revenge so that they could experience the hurt I was going through.

whynotwhatknot · 25/05/2023 18:45

what a horribile man he could have a tleast apologised

and plastic bags? id chuck them anyway

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