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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be devastated

211 replies

Bagpuss2022 · 25/05/2023 16:46

I know it sounds melodramatic and I have actually cried over this.
my DH had a day off on Monday he sorted out our unit in the living room. He didn’t tell me he was doing this by the way or would of told him what not to chuck.
He's gone and thrown away a A3 folder of all the kids special bits from school you know the kind the nursery ones with the handprints and that poem. There first mothers days cards y6 leaving certificates with photos on etc. I am ruthless and only ever keep the very special bits
we have 3 Dc oldest 22 youngest 13 so it’s not like I’m going to get anything like that again.
He said he thought it was just junk I know
he's not as sentimental as me but come on he could of least checked with me.
He thinks I’m being silly and is now in a mood with me

OP posts:
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 26/05/2023 19:29

Can you ask parents of their friends and relatives if they have any nice photos.. or memories? Would you still have any on your phones ( mine go back to Primary school) or camera memory cards.
I had some baby toys, the ones they were particularly fond of and that I remembered them playing with, that accidentally met the same fate and I was so upset.
I managed to get one each of a similar thing. Its not the same but I now have a new memory chatting to them about it and asking them what they remembered and I think they liked it.
It won't be the same, but you can rebuild some memories. And keep a copy in an online cloud storage so no one can throw away again. And start some new photos, and memories with them. Sounds like you need a nice evening out together all taking lots of photos.
We found an early audio of youngest in an old computer file, singing a poignant little song. Might be something lurking in old email accounts - you never know. Good luck.

queenMab99 · 26/05/2023 19:41

I had this sort of thing happening before we even had children, less than a month after our wedding, our marriage certificate, was thrown out, then all my gce and A level certificates went and all my folder of art work from college was chucked. I honestly thought these events were by accident, but his behaviour later in our marriage made me realise that he was just a mean bastard, trying to hurt me.

AaBbCcDdEeFfGEEEEEE · 26/05/2023 19:47

As a mum with only one DC, who was conceived after fertility issues, and was born with multiple disorders after both a long and difficult pregnancy & birth, I keep this sort of sentimental stuff. It reminds both me and my DC how far DC has come. If someone did this to me, yes I'd be devastated. Actually devastated. I once had a hard drive with lots of photos and vids of my DC that overheated and I lost everything on it. I was devastated then.

I was also brought up in a pretty unhappy home and good memories were thin on the ground. After a redundancy my father got a healthy pay out and we went on a lifetime trip. I kept so many little souvenirs from that trip and made a scrapbook when we returned home. I was only 12 at the time, but loved looking back at my scrapbook whenever I felt low. When my parents divorced 2 years later, DM was so bitter she threw away my scrapbook of that trip. As far as she was concerned, it was just junk and why would I want to be reminded of this trip when we weren't a family any more. She delighted in telling me she'd always thought my scrapbook was silly and enjoyed finally chucking it out. I was devastated then.

Nobody should get to decide what is and isn't sentimental to another person and just throw it all out, because to them its just 'bits of paper and stuff!".

OP I'm so sorry to hear this. Your DP should be ashamed, not adding insult to injury by dismissing your heartache.

GillianCarole · 26/05/2023 20:59

He's in a mood with you? That's rich! I would be very naffed off with him, and he'd know about it! I would tell him to get them back if possible (assuming he hasn't burnt or shredded them).

Maray1967 · 26/05/2023 21:04

Bagpuss2022 · 25/05/2023 20:44

Thanks for all the lovely replies sorry too many to reply.
Have just had to spend two hours sat with him and trying to act normal at one of DDs activities. He is being all contrite now but i can’t forgive His initial reaction I’m sure I will in time.
to those who don’t understand how much it meant to me that’s fine if your not sentimental but to me it was important.
some of those things are over 20 years old before mobile phone cameras.
DS1 has a life limiting condition and although he’s thriving now we don’t know what the future holds.
thanks for the idea to contact the recycling centre will do that in the morning first thing but our recycling bins go into a big bin like the general refuse
And for the bags they might just go missing for a long while I’m not vindictive enough to get rid

You’re a better person than me because I would have chucked them by now so he understands what he’s done.

I would have gone absolutely ballistic if mine had done this.

carolnotduffy · 26/05/2023 21:07

This is absolutely ridiculous, I'd be livid in this situation. Those items weren't his to throw out without your consent and he should be aware that you place sentimental value on them. I'm totally with you here

FlapSnacks · 26/05/2023 21:47

i am so sorry OP this is devastating and would really upset me too.

my mum crocheted me a baby blanket when my first was born and it took her months and it was so sentimental to me and he put it in a hot wash and felted. I was so upset and my mum made me another one for second and he took a while coming so it was a adult size blanket one with merino silk wool blend - took her 2 years to make and cost £££ in balls of wool, he used it on pram and got it a little dirty so threw it in wash again and destroyed it and I said why would you do that again after first one and he said Meh was no use dirty anyway, but yeah my bad 🤷‍♂️

so like I said, we are divorced now

1stTimeBoyMumx · 26/05/2023 21:50

not unreasonable!! My partner threw out our sons first curl I was devastated. Cut his hair the day before bin day and it went in the bin! I didn’t notice til after the bins had been taken. He was also devastated when he seen how upset I was and apologised massively! It was in an envelope I couldn’t find a pen to write on it yet so I put it on the side. I quickly cut his last remaining curl off (cried) and popped it straight in the memory box. My OH now checks absolutely everything with me before binning 🤣

MrsR2018 · 26/05/2023 23:23

@Bagpuss2022 did you contact the recycling centre?

I really hope everything can be retrieved 🤞🏼

Mamanyt · 27/05/2023 00:26

Here is the bottom line...I know you treasured those things. HOWEVER..there is a 99% chance that when you die, the kids would have chucked those folders themselves. I had folders like that for each of my sons, and when I presented them to them on their marriages, they laughed, kept their birth certificates, and tossed the rest. So much for "precious memories," and...guess what? I STILL had those memories. I did not need the items.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 27/05/2023 02:21

DS1 has a life limiting condition and although he’s thriving now we don’t know what the future holds.

I'm not surprised that you're pissed off with your husband. Call up the people responsible for your recycling. And bin your "D"H's stupid mass-produced carrier bags.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 27/05/2023 02:31

Mamanyt · 27/05/2023 00:26

Here is the bottom line...I know you treasured those things. HOWEVER..there is a 99% chance that when you die, the kids would have chucked those folders themselves. I had folders like that for each of my sons, and when I presented them to them on their marriages, they laughed, kept their birth certificates, and tossed the rest. So much for "precious memories," and...guess what? I STILL had those memories. I did not need the items.

When my DGF died, we found that he had kept every birthday card and drawing that my sister and I had ever sent him, right back to when we could barely write. The cards as objects don't matter to me at all, but knowing that he had kept them as mementos of our all-too fleeting childhoods means the world.

CelestiaNoctis · 27/05/2023 02:40

I think I would actually question my relationship if that happened. I'm in genuine shock. That is my worst nightmare.

ThirstyThursday · 27/05/2023 02:51

Pigeon31 · 25/05/2023 20:25

All the vibes, OP, you're not being silly at all. But this is just going to have to be another funny story to tell the kids when they are grown - and there's time for new memories and a better place to store them.

(I remember the day after I left home to go to uni a big box turned up in the post - my stepmother had packed up every single little thing she could find of mine in the house, including childhood drawings, and sent it on - I guess as a message not to come back. I just threw it all out.)

What would be a better place to store them than in a folder, in a cabinet?

Do you mean a secret place so that someone with no respect can't find them & throw them away?

I'm sorry your SM was like that, but as you 'threw it all away' you obviously don't understand the OP's attachment to the stuff in the folder. You can make other memories, but you can't replace the stuff they did when they were toddlers/young children.

Buddercud · 27/05/2023 06:31

What the items are is irrelevant. I’d be pissed off to be married to someone who threw my stuff out without asking and then acted like a dick about it.

YorkshirePuddingsGreatestFan · 27/05/2023 06:36

My ex did this to me. We sorted out a load of junk together. I had a box to one side of what he called "useless tat" but to me it was really sentimental things. Yes they were probably worthless in money terms but it was little items from my childhood that meant a lot to me. I'd put them safe in a box to one side of all the junk that was going to the tip.

After he'd gone to the tip, I noticed the box was missing. When he came back he said it was worthless tat and not worth keeping, so he'd binned it. I was really upset.

Pigeon31 · 27/05/2023 06:43

@ThirstyThursday A better place might be a box with a big label on it saying DO NOT TOUCH - I don't know, OP can decide where a good place might be in the house to put things that makes it very clear she doesn't want them touched.

rainbowstardrops · 27/05/2023 06:47

Any luck with the recycling centre @Bagpuss2022?
I'd be absolutely fuming with him and so upset too. His reaction to you was awful.

Heyhoitsme · 27/05/2023 13:53

When my dad retired he took it upon himself to have a sort out. He threw away my school reports and many photos. I dont know what he was thinking. I guess he thought he was doing the right thing.

pinkyredrose · 27/05/2023 14:00

Mamanyt · 27/05/2023 00:26

Here is the bottom line...I know you treasured those things. HOWEVER..there is a 99% chance that when you die, the kids would have chucked those folders themselves. I had folders like that for each of my sons, and when I presented them to them on their marriages, they laughed, kept their birth certificates, and tossed the rest. So much for "precious memories," and...guess what? I STILL had those memories. I did not need the items.

Pretty rude of them to laugh.

T1Dmama · 27/05/2023 14:57

I have a memory box packed safely on top of a wardrobe with hand prints in, I’d also be devastated if it was binned.

Its done now though and I’d say to your husband that you were hoping for a sincere apology given that you’d never dare throw away his crappy plastic bags!!

Dontworkmondays · 27/05/2023 17:25

I’m pregnant and over emotional. This post just made me cry thinking about losing those things. Definitely not unreasonable

Baba197 · 27/05/2023 21:52

YANBU I would be devastated. I keep everything my son makes and if someone threw it away with no thought I would be livid with them

Mamanyt · 28/05/2023 00:53

pinkyredrose · 27/05/2023 14:00

Pretty rude of them to laugh.

Show quote history

Possibly. But then, boys. They aren't generally sentimental over stuff like that. Didn't let it bother me one bit.

purplehair1 · 28/05/2023 01:21

I would be so upset and I’m sure your kids will be too. I’d chuck away all his stupid football stuff.