To be devastated

[Bagpuss2022]

I know it sounds melodramatic and I have actually cried over this.
my DH had a day off on Monday he sorted out our unit in the living room. He didn’t tell me he was doing this by the way or would of told him what not to chuck.
He's gone and thrown away a A3 folder of all the kids special bits from school you know the kind the nursery ones with the handprints and that poem. There first mothers days cards y6 leaving certificates with photos on etc. I am ruthless and only ever keep the very special bits
we have 3 Dc oldest 22 youngest 13 so it’s not like I’m going to get anything like that again.
He said he thought it was just junk I know
he's not as sentimental as me but come on he could of least checked with me.
He thinks I’m being silly and is now in a mood with me

This all reminds me of when my mum was ill some years ago (she had had an operation, and was offline for several months,) when I was a child. A couple of neighbours came a few times. to help tidy the house/do chores.

No idea why, but they took it upon themselves to clean out the spare room. It was NOTHING to do with them, and it made me cross that they were poking about in there.

When I came home from school one day, I discovered that they had thrown out half of my old childhood toys and games and dolls, and got them taken to the council tip. I was devastated, and couldn't get them back.

As soon as ebay became a thing some quarter of a century later, I started to source the things that had been thrown/binned, and managed to get about 80% of them back, from sellers that sold old retro things. To them it was just 'junk...' To ME it was my childhood. Thankfully, I had all of my late pop music and film idol stuff in my (locked) bedroom, where they couldn't get their filthy paws on it! So I still had all that (and still do!)

How nasty and thoughtless to throw away peoples treasured possessions like this, especially that of a child - like I was, (and the possessions of a mother that she saved from her childrens childhoods.)

I never forgave those 2 women, and I would never forgive my DH if he had ever done anything like this.

When I was a teenager I had a locked box containing sentimental letters and photos (back in pre-digital days when photos were rarer). It was stolen in a burglary - they obviously thought it contained cash .

The sorrow of losing these precious things will recede in time. My only advice is along the lines of imagine how you would feel if you'd lost even more - I asked myself back then how I'd have felt if there'd been a fire and I'd lost everything, not just one box, and that did help me gain some perspective.

I'd be shredding his carrier bags about now...

I'd probably do this tbh. He's being a dick. He should have asked.

I agree..to me it's not just stuff..its nostalgia, its lovely memories of their childhood. The same way a certain smell or song can instantly transport you back to a special memory..I'd be so upset. I have big memory boxes from my childhood and have made the same for my kids for when they're older

He's had that in the house for at least 10 years- he knew what it was, and has been wanting to get rid of it.

Throw away is sentimental crap that means nothing to you, and see his reaction

This is what I think. I'm sceptical of all those thinking it was accidental. The folder isn't new it's been there ages and he didn't look inside it to check as he already knew what it was before throwing it out. That's why he waited to clean the cupboard out whilst you were at work and didn't tell you what he was doing. It was all very well calculated.

Calm the fuck down dear

I actually think that is quite terrible.

Chuck away or at least hide his bags. When he notices they’re gone pretend to help him look for them.

what a knobhead he is

Memories are more important than material things?? I've nursed plenty of elderly people with dementia who can't remember what they have had for breakfast let alone what happened last week.
A photograph for example can trigger all sorts of memories of happy times when promped.

However, a memory can be triggered by those cheesy poems and smudgy handprints. I have so many things in my memory box that when I look at they make me remember something that I had completely forgotten about and in that moment it makes me happy..I'm sorry if you have never had this experience but please dont be so judgemental and rude about people, to who things like that matter and hold sentiment

Yanbu. I'd be fuming too. My mother tossed all my Enid Blyton books over 45 years ago and I still get raging!!.

Seriously who throws away a folder without looking inside to check what is in it and if he checked surely he would know it had been put in a file for a reason? YANBU. I would be so upset too.

I don't really get this. Memories are what you have in yourself, they aren't bits of paper and cheesy poems with smudgy handprints. No memories are erased by getting rid of the paper.

What's not to get? 🤔

Now, I freely admit I would and have, necessitating major decluttering have kept a lot more of the childhood drawings & memorabilia.

But while memories are something you have, you won't have those tiny, specific points that these items evoke - the exact tininess of their handprint, the faltering handprint, or the particular moment in time they relate to.

OP only kept a small treasured selection and they meant something. I'd be utterly devastated. I also suspect her H's motivations.

@sheldonia

What a crazy reaction - why the need to be so utterly rude to another poster?

Sorry to disappoint you that OP’s life isn’t completely falling apart in this case. Maybe put some east enders on rather than trawling real people’s posts for something harrowing.

The memories being more important than things comment is supposed to be a consolation. No good is going to come from dwelling on something that’s lost.

Obviously for people with dementia circumstances are very different.

I still have a computer generated picture up in my kitchen that my Ds did when he was somewhere round 2. He's 18 this year. The decision to get rid of his creations is mine and mine alone, if anybody else tried to I think I'd go nuclear.

I'd be absolutely fuming!!

I've also still got every single primary school workbook and creation. I have also got all his birth blurb, which came in handy when he asked me questions related to his birth.

If the [recycle?] bin has not yet been emptied, I'd be in there to try and retrieve it. My recycle bin doesn't get wet/soiled/dirty stuff put in, so it wouldn't phase me. If it were in the main rubbish bin, slightly different matter.

Sorry, just read that the bin has been emptied already.

Are you cracked?

FYI, that's rude too 😂

You were really belligerent in your response & then lashed out when you were challenged.

Of course, paper / other records aids memories - humans can't keep all E experiences in their minds, and can't recall specific details without some prompts eg the exact nature of a child's handwriting or the details of their childhood. That's why we have photos, libraries, museums & archives! And what about others who didn't have the memories in the first place like the children themselves or their children in time?

You don't have to keep objects. But stating that they are unconnected to memories is factually incorrect & you also did so rudely.