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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't want my child to go to her leavers party.

216 replies

Ijustdunnoanymore · 25/05/2023 15:54

The parents of my child have organised a leavers party extravaganza. The problem I have however is that nearly (not quite all - some have been nice) all the parents involved have been absolutely horrible towards me over the course of this year. I am a fairly new parent and thats the main reason for their venom. If my child goes I have to stay too and hang out with these people. Do I let my child go and put up with it OR do I not and show her that bullies shouldnt always win?

OP posts:
WilkinsonM · 25/05/2023 15:55

Why do you have to stay for a leavers party? Assuming they are 11?

Original poster
Ijustdunnoanymore · 25/05/2023 15:55

I don't know but they have been quite insistent that we all have to stay.

OP posts:
ProfessorXtra · 25/05/2023 15:55

I think making her miss out because of someone’s treatment towards you wouldn’t be fair to her at all.

PuffinsRocks · 25/05/2023 15:56

The parents of your child??

Infusionist · 25/05/2023 15:56

Does your child want to go? If so, suck it up.

powerrangers · 25/05/2023 15:57

Go, ignore them. Talk to the nice ones. Don't make your dc miss out because you feel awkward. If it gets too hostile just excuse yourself and go to the loo

PuffinMcStuffin · 25/05/2023 15:57

If your child wants to go, you should go and not make it all about you.

Makkapakkasstones · 25/05/2023 15:58

I'm also confused about the set up here?

If this is for 11 year olds and you're a new parent, is your DC adopted or are you a step parent?

CalistoNoSolo · 25/05/2023 15:59

Just go for the sake of your child. Its a few hours, you'll never see them again. Take a book and a drink/snack and look on it as some down time for you while your child plays with her friends.

Notanotherone5 · 25/05/2023 15:59

Just go and take a laptop, then find a quiet corner to sit with it. If anyone asks then you have a massive deadline at work / some personal paperwork you urgently need to do

shivawn · 25/05/2023 16:00

Makkapakkasstones · 25/05/2023 15:58

I'm also confused about the set up here?

If this is for 11 year olds and you're a new parent, is your DC adopted or are you a step parent?

I'm completely confused too. Particularly by the "I'm a fairly new parent" comment.

Hyppogriff · 25/05/2023 16:00

You definitely won’t ‘show them that bullies don’t win’ by not going - you’ll just spite your own daughter and they won’t care !

LyndaSnellsSniff · 25/05/2023 16:01

I assumed the OP means new parent at the school.

VainAbigail · 25/05/2023 16:01

The parents of my child

Thats you, no?

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 25/05/2023 16:02

It's not about you. If your child wants to go, she should go.

Soubriquet · 25/05/2023 16:02

Ok you have a few options.

You go and you take your phone/book, sit in the counter and entertain yourself.

You let your dd go, and refuse to go yourself.

SittingNextToIt · 25/05/2023 16:03

Do you meant “parents at my child’s school” instead of “parents of my child”?

Shelby2010 · 25/05/2023 16:03

I’m assuming that OP meant

’Parents of my child’s classmates’ and that she is new to the school so being treated as an outsider.

Random789 · 25/05/2023 16:03

Don't keep her away. It would seem like you were treating your child's social life as if it was just incidental to yours. It is her invitation, not yours. If you don't like the other parents there just treat it as an inconvenience that you have to put up with. Just like all the other inconvenient things we have to do for our children.

JockTamsonsBairns · 25/05/2023 16:03

Nearly all the parents of the children in your DC's year group have been venomous towards you since your DD started there a year ago? Have I got that right?
That sounds very strange. I've got experience of being a parent at 8 primary schools - there's always one or two people at the school gates who come across as being unfriendly and unwelcoming, but I've never known nearly all of them to be venomous.

Can you give a bit more detail?

brunettemic · 25/05/2023 16:05

It’s up to your DD really as she shouldn’t miss out on it because you don’t like the other parents. As others have said, pretend you’ve got work to do or something.

AtlasSeven · 25/05/2023 16:06

Does your child want to go?

If she does, then I’d go. Take a phone / book / whatever so you’ve got an excuse to not talk to the other parents if you need a reason.

WhatNoRaisins · 25/05/2023 16:06

Parents have to stay at 11 year old parties? Bloody hell are we ever going to get any freedom?

misspollycat · 25/05/2023 16:06

I used to feel like this back in the primary school gate days.

I used to feel really uncomfortable at parties (I have agoraphobia).
I used to find a quiet space and take a book to read.

007DoubleOSeven · 25/05/2023 16:06

Hyppogriff · 25/05/2023 16:00

You definitely won’t ‘show them that bullies don’t win’ by not going - you’ll just spite your own daughter and they won’t care !

This, and your daughter missing out will be unfair for her