I don't want my child to go to her leavers party.

[Ijustdunnoanymore]

The parents of my child have organised a leavers party extravaganza. The problem I have however is that nearly (not quite all - some have been nice) all the parents involved have been absolutely horrible towards me over the course of this year. I am a fairly new parent and thats the main reason for their venom. If my child goes I have to stay too and hang out with these people. Do I let my child go and put up with it OR do I not and show her that bullies shouldnt always win?

This party is about your daughter, not you.

I don’t think it proves bullies don’t win if your DD is missing out on social events with her friends. I think bullies would prefer people were upset and stayed home.

Just go to the party, take a book and ear plugs.

I assume your child is leaving Primary School so I'm guessing you'll never have to see these parents again after the end of term.
Just go and either face them head on or put your headphones/earplugs on and watch something on your phone.

I'm confused. Have you adopted or are taking care of a child who is not yours? That child's parents have children at the same school in the same class and are organising a big party?

You do need to explain a bit more.

OP's post is unclear - there are some parts missing / typos I think

I think she means the parents of her child's CLASS have arranged a party.

And that by "new parent" she means that her child has not been at the school since age 4/5 and they are a new family to the school.

I think.

Also agree that the everybody hates me, they're all nasty mean girl bullies are usually written by socially anxious posters who can't cope with any sort of interaction, and when someone has a bad day, doesn't feel like chatting or has an appointment to rush off to, take it as a personal insult and think everyone else is laughing behind their back.

Sounds to me like party is arranged by parents, and no teachers there. So parents organising will be busy and don’t want to have to supervise other people’s kids. Which is totally fair enough. Ours did the same. Just turn up with a book, offer to help, and be pleased you’re at the end !

Are you a foster or adoptive parent?

I think it’s unreasonable to make your child miss out for the reason you describe.

If she wants to go and has to miss it because some of the mums were mean to you, you’re showing her that bullies always win.

If you go, hold your head up high and have a nice time (fake it if you need to), that’s showing her bullies shouldn’t win.

I'd keep myself busy filling up cups, tidying up and generally too involved to chat.

The party is for your DD, let her go.

Take a book with you or a magazine or even a tablet and just do your own thing. Just because you have to stay behind with the kids doesn’t mean you need to stand around conversing with a load of bitches. Just do your own thing.

@Thepeopleversuswork

I'm not at the school mum stage yet but your post fits with my impression of this too.

I don't doubt for a second that there are unpleasant parents who treat others poorly at school events and pick up but just can't believe that an entire class of parents would do this.

What does it even mean to be venomous at the school gate?

I don't understand these threads I read - at 11yo can't you have fairly minimal interaction with other parents in the class. Just ignore them and drop / pick up your child at school. Don't let your child miss out on the event if she wants to go. Make sure your phone is charged and play on your phone most to the night.

I don't get the whole feeling of being bullied by other school parents. Why is it important that they like you?

@Goodoccasionallypoor

There's so much of this stuff on MN I've become very cynical about it. A shockingly large amount of people lack the most basic social skills and whip themselves up into a paranoid frenzy about it and the "school gate" has become some sort of evil talisman for their fears. It's really genuinely sad but also incredibly frustrating that people can't or won't help themselves by dealing with this rather than acting out when they interact with other parents.

Your child is not a pawn you can use in your own dramas.

I agree with the above. They will have "won" if you don't go and why is it about you anyway? This party is for your DD and she should be allowed to enjoy her last time with her friends.

Some good suggestions on here as to occupying yourself from helping out and keeping busy to having a book or some work to do. I'd also be prepared that you may not need to stay and may be able to pop out for a walk while the party goes on. You won't have to see the bullies again after this as the school run will be over and they can go by themselves next year.

@Ijustdunnoanymore does the child want to go to the party?

if you’re sure the child would be safe there, just drop and run.

you’re an adult, you can do whatever you want to do.

Totally agree. Everybody is always " clicky"
Mean girl mums are always gossiping or sneering at the OP
Nobody talks to her but always to the person next to her... etc etc.

In reality nobody has that much time to chat at the school gates because everybody is skint and busy.

Most mums (and dads) work these days, so I think there is a lot less time for school gate angst. I don't do any drop offs and all my pick-ups are for wraparound care, so I don't usually see many other parents. I think most families are similar nowadays as we need two salaries.

I have my doubts this is real. Never heard of a leavers party where adults have to stay. And OP hadn't come back.

Will your child be upset not to go?

@Thepeopleversuswork I agree with this

So you want your child to suffer for your own petty immature spats with other adults? 🤔 not making sense to me but then I’d walk through fire to make sure my children are happy before anything else

Do I let my child go and put up with it OR do I not and show her that bullies shouldnt always win

Surely by not going you're showing her the bullies ARE winning. I cant follow your logic here

Not as bad as the parents in ds’s year group who organised a leaving do (meal at an Indian restaurant) on a day when I was working (I was in a job where I wasn’t allowed time off during term time) and so he wasn’t allowed to attend.

Some people are so unkind.