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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't want my child to go to her leavers party.

216 replies

Ijustdunnoanymore · 25/05/2023 15:54

The parents of my child have organised a leavers party extravaganza. The problem I have however is that nearly (not quite all - some have been nice) all the parents involved have been absolutely horrible towards me over the course of this year. I am a fairly new parent and thats the main reason for their venom. If my child goes I have to stay too and hang out with these people. Do I let my child go and put up with it OR do I not and show her that bullies shouldnt always win?

OP posts:
Pearfacebananapoop · 25/05/2023 18:44

They will be asking parents to stay because it will be run by volunteers and they can't be responsible for everyone's child. We are doing the same.

Original poster
Ijustdunnoanymore · 25/05/2023 18:46

ok now I feel thoughrily judged thanks for that.

OP posts:
CreamTeaThievery · 25/05/2023 18:47

Yes the OP missed a couple of words but I think it's still clear exactly what she meant, I don't know why people are deliberately misunderstanding.

OP just take your child, a couple of uncomfortable hours won't kill you. We all have to do things we find unpleasant, think of it like going to the dentist.

misspollycat · 25/05/2023 18:48

Ijustdunnoanymore · 25/05/2023 18:46

ok now I feel thoughrily judged thanks for that.

Not by me. I understand.

willWillSmithsmith · 25/05/2023 18:50

CreamTeaThievery · 25/05/2023 18:47

Yes the OP missed a couple of words but I think it's still clear exactly what she meant, I don't know why people are deliberately misunderstanding.

OP just take your child, a couple of uncomfortable hours won't kill you. We all have to do things we find unpleasant, think of it like going to the dentist.

She could still clarify if it’s an error she says the parent of her child as she also adds she’s a fairly new parent. Why not clarify those statements to get more context.

Runnersandtoms · 25/05/2023 18:51

Ijustdunnoanymore · 25/05/2023 18:46

ok now I feel thoughrily judged thanks for that.

I think part of the issue is you haven't responded to people's questions or clarified the situation. I'm afraid the above comment just reinforces the impression that you have a "everybody hates me" chop on your shoulder. I also find it extremely likely that a whole year group of parents have deliberately been unpleasant towards you.

JudgeRudy · 25/05/2023 18:53

I thinkyouve mixed your words a bit. I'm presuming you mean there is a leavers party arranged for your daughter's year by the other parents. You joined the year/school later than most and weren't welcomed, in fact the other parents bullied you. You don't mind your daughter going (she gets on fine with her peers)but you're expected to stay at the party with some other parents. You really don't want to do this as they've been mean to you in the past but if you don't your daughter looses out.
Is that right? I think they're probably trying to bully you again into 'volunteering ' for a role at the party eg door person, clearing up, bar etc....I can assure you ALL the parents will not be there. I'd be non committal but approach the school/class teacher and ask how much tickets are and where they can be purchased from.

Original poster
Ijustdunnoanymore · 25/05/2023 18:53

Yes lol. I must have typed too quickly.

OP posts:
UsingChangeofName · 25/05/2023 18:53

Runnersandtoms · 25/05/2023 18:51

I think part of the issue is you haven't responded to people's questions or clarified the situation. I'm afraid the above comment just reinforces the impression that you have a "everybody hates me" chop on your shoulder. I also find it extremely likely that a whole year group of parents have deliberately been unpleasant towards you.

Show quote history

Agreed.

Original poster
Ijustdunnoanymore · 25/05/2023 18:54

Thank you yes thats pretty much it. I didnt mean to type it up wrong.

OP posts:
Billyho · 25/05/2023 18:55

Ijustdunnoanymore · 25/05/2023 18:54

Thank you yes thats pretty much it. I didnt mean to type it up wrong.

Just correct it then?

JenWillsiam · 25/05/2023 18:55

Ijustdunnoanymore · 25/05/2023 18:46

ok now I feel thoughrily judged thanks for that.

What did you really expect? Take it on the chin and own it. Do the right thing. It’s no big deal to contemplate stuff as long as you do the right thing in the end.

GeriKellmansUpdo · 25/05/2023 18:58

How exactly have they been venomous? I am picturing a pit of hissing vipers writhing around the school gates. Go and hang out with the nice parents, ignore the other for 2 hours, job done. You will be teaching your DD to not cower at home when people are mean to her.

Goodoccasionallypoor · 25/05/2023 19:00

Op, can you give us some examples of how they have treated you?

Theydontknowthatweknowthattheyknow · 25/05/2023 19:00

Pray do tell OP, what have these witches done that's so awful you can't stand around and pretend to be busy on your phone in the same space as them for a couple of hours for the sake of your daughter? Are you afraid they're going to turn you into a toad?

Dunnoburt · 25/05/2023 19:02

It's not about you.....

NewPinkJacket · 25/05/2023 19:02

Can you give some examples of the bullying OP?

Either way your child's school life is all about them, so I would suck it up unless you're going to give us some awful examples of actual bullying.

Original poster
Ijustdunnoanymore · 25/05/2023 19:03

hahaha @Theydontknowthatweknowthattheyknow like your thinking. Yeah I probably should just go....hang out with the nice parents or listen to a podcast perhaps. Sigh.

OP posts:
Wendysfriend · 25/05/2023 19:04

It's difficult to put yourself in an uncomfortable position and unfortunately we have to do many things as parents that we have to do to ensure our children join in things.

If it's possible can you find out if there are any of the nice parents going and can you chat with them? Or is there someone else who can take your dd?

Where is the party been held? House, venue etc? Can you find a quiet corner or just keep popping in and out, you could pretend to be on calls.

Original poster
Ijustdunnoanymore · 25/05/2023 19:08

CreamTeaThievery · 25/05/2023 18:47

Yes the OP missed a couple of words but I think it's still clear exactly what she meant, I don't know why people are deliberately misunderstanding.

OP just take your child, a couple of uncomfortable hours won't kill you. We all have to do things we find unpleasant, think of it like going to the dentist.

Thank you. Yes you're probably right...... lol I shall seek out some of the nicer parents and go chat to them. Guess you can't get on with everyone in life. Wonder if they'll be serving wine?? ha

OP posts:
EasterBreak · 25/05/2023 19:09

Yabu yes.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 25/05/2023 19:11

Don't be selfish. It isn't all about you. Let her go to the party.

Original poster
Ijustdunnoanymore · 25/05/2023 19:12

Billyho · 25/05/2023 18:55

Just correct it then?

Show quote history

It won't let me correct it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ijustdunnoanymore · 25/05/2023 19:16

Daisybuttercup12345 · 25/05/2023 19:11

Don't be selfish. It isn't all about you. Let her go to the party.

Thing is....I dont think I am being selfish. I am asking if I should or not. If I was being selfish I would just have said no out right. I am trying to weigh things all up. Sometimes if something really is affecting me as a mum then I think I have to weigh up my options. At the moment I haven't made a decision yet.

OP posts:
soupmaker · 25/05/2023 19:21

Please let your girl go if she wants to. Sometimes as parents we just have to suck things up, this is one of them. You'll be shot of all this soon enough, let your DD have fun. Take a book, or sit next to a parent who hasn't offended you.

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