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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't want my child to go to her leavers party.

216 replies

Ijustdunnoanymore · 25/05/2023 15:54

The parents of my child have organised a leavers party extravaganza. The problem I have however is that nearly (not quite all - some have been nice) all the parents involved have been absolutely horrible towards me over the course of this year. I am a fairly new parent and thats the main reason for their venom. If my child goes I have to stay too and hang out with these people. Do I let my child go and put up with it OR do I not and show her that bullies shouldnt always win?

OP posts:
OooohKeepYourKnickersOn · 26/05/2023 10:14

Why have you addressed that to me @CharlotteRumpling ?

CharlotteRumpling · 26/05/2023 10:17

Sorry quoted the wrong person @OooohKeepYourKnickersOn . I meant to quote someone else but lost track. Anyway we are all more or less saying the same thing and OP is sending Cinderella to the ball!

MissTrip82 · 26/05/2023 10:37

Support her to go.

It’s quite unusual for a majority of people you meet to exhibit ‘venom’ towards you. If you have issues with anxiety I’d be wondering if perhaps you’re not seeing this entirely objectively?

OooohKeepYourKnickersOn · 26/05/2023 10:38

Lol no problem @CharlotteRumpling

Original poster
Ijustdunnoanymore · 26/05/2023 11:06

MissTrip82 · 26/05/2023 10:37

Support her to go.

It’s quite unusual for a majority of people you meet to exhibit ‘venom’ towards you. If you have issues with anxiety I’d be wondering if perhaps you’re not seeing this entirely objectively?

Yes sigh you're probably right. Anyway thanks to the kindness of strangers I think Ive seen the light. :)

OP posts:
EmmaGrundyForPM · 26/05/2023 11:12

You do realise this is almost unheard of on MN?

OP - AIBU?
Everyone - YES YABU
OP - OK, fair enough, thanks for your input

OP, you're being far too reasonable for AIBU. You're supposed to be telling everyone why you're right and they're wrong 🤣🤣

Goodoccasionallypoor · 26/05/2023 11:13

Op, I'm confused. Are you now saying you have anxiety?

I'm not trying to be unkind here, I'm just trying to understand.

viques · 26/05/2023 12:48

I think the OP has explained enough, and it sounds as though she has reviewed her decision about her dd not going to the event. So maybe time to slacken the hold that some people have on their hoiked up judgy pants and let this thread sink gracefully below the horizon.

I hope your dd enjoys the leavers do, and transitions happily into senior school in September.

EilonwyWithRedGoldHair · 26/05/2023 12:58

I've looked at OP's posts, but haven't read the full thread.

Surely it depends on in what way the other parents are horrible. Ostracising? Go and ignore them. Being verbally abusive and going out of their way to be so? Not unreasonable to not go.

Clogdle · 26/05/2023 17:55

I have put that you are being unreasonable but I have been in a similar position and it is hard - Luckily for me I went and there was one nice mum who had a chat with me whilst I was there.
Just think you are doing it for your child not for the other parents and an hour or two showing your face is not really going to hurt you. x
Sending hugs but its Big Girl pants time!

ChilledBeez · 26/05/2023 18:31

That's what I was thinking. Venomous seems a tad strong from people she barely knows.

TheMummy1417 · 26/05/2023 19:26

Are you wanting to stop your child going because they are mean to her, or the adults mean to you?
I think if your child has friends in her group and wants to go, as hard as it is, it’s something you need to suck up. If it’s that kids are mean to her, I think it’s reasonable to keep her away.

Mummadeze · 26/05/2023 20:27

Hi OP, I took my DD to the leavers picnic. A lot of the parents were cliquey and didn’t like me. Partly my own fault as I didn’t make much effort with any of them throughout the school journey. I sat down and started to talking to them and some of them gave me filthy looks and turned away or rolled their eyes. I just carried on being friendly and trying to engage anyone who wasn’t being openly rude. It wasn’t a great day for me, but my DD had a lovely time saying good bye to her friends. I knew I wouldn’t see any of them again, so just sucked it up. Who cares at the end of the day, I have loads of proper friends. Hope it goes okay.

BananaBum · 26/05/2023 20:42

If you’re child wants to go YABU

part of being a parent is sucking things up and doing what’s best for your child.

If there is no issue between your child and their children no way should you be involving them in any parent drama.

Dandymax1 · 26/05/2023 21:29

Does your child want to go?

Regholdsworthswaterbed · 26/05/2023 21:40

Firstly why parents would all go to a year six leaving do is beyond me. It's weird. That aside if you don't go and therefore exclude your daughter you are showing her the opposite of 'bullies don't win' your showing her that people have been nasty therefore she has to miss out = bullies do win!

Rosejasmine · 26/05/2023 22:29

Hyppogriff · 25/05/2023 16:00

You definitely won’t ‘show them that bullies don’t win’ by not going - you’ll just spite your own daughter and they won’t care !

This. If your child wants to go, then do it for your child, it’s one of those grit your teeth moments that you just have to do. It won’t last all that long, just do it…

ELMhouse · 26/05/2023 22:46

WhatNoRaisins · 25/05/2023 16:06

Parents have to stay at 11 year old parties? Bloody hell are we ever going to get any freedom?

We have to to stay at the year 6 leavers party for my dd, this is because it is organised and run by the parents (not school, even though we are borrowing the school field), parents have to stay so we can ensure parents are responsible for their child and it isn’t left up to a group of volunteers to have to supervise.

Scotslass171 · 26/05/2023 23:52

Maybe they meant she was a fairly new parent at the school

Mamanyt · 27/05/2023 00:15

This party is for your daughter and her classmates...not you. Time to suck it up. Ask her, and without signaling what you want the answer to be, and abide by her decision. If she wants to go, take her. Suck it up for the couple of hours. You want her memory to be that she had a wonderful time at the party, not that you wouldn't let her go to her party because someone hurt your feelings

chubbychopsticks · 27/05/2023 01:09

Standing up to the bullies is going!

Like others have said, this is your daughters moment and a big one for her. She should go.

If you have to go you talk to the nice parents.

Maybe keep busy and volunteer your time to help during the event. Time will fly by.

Good luck

extramile · 27/05/2023 16:40

Do you have a partner or family member who can go with you? Then you don't have to talk to anybody else if you don't want to.

PartnerProblems · 27/05/2023 16:40

You lot really need to brush up on your reading comprehension, good grief.

Zanatdy · 27/05/2023 16:42

PartnerProblems · 27/05/2023 16:40

You lot really need to brush up on your reading comprehension, good grief.

Right, it’s pretty obvious what was meant. People on here play dumb deliberately if there’s a word or so missing - it’s really ridiculous

Kennykenkencat · 27/05/2023 17:00

Can’t you say you have an appointment, are working at that time, running a vital errand and can’t go.

One school my dc went to had really lovely laid back parents. The next school had parents who I don’t think I spoke to anyone for the 2 years they were there. (Although other parents had plenty to say about me) Then Dc went to a school where despite dc being older, when there was a party all the parents were invited along or at the end of term we would all go out with dc.