Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell pronoun announcing recruiter I don't want the job

430 replies

hursty900 · 23/05/2023 18:43

Had a call with a recruiter today- clearly female name, pic on linked in clearly female & then at start of call she announced 'my pronouns are she/her, may I ask what yours are?'... I mean she was polite, but it just seemed ridiculously performative (I too am clearly female) & has made me question if I want to work for this organisation. I have nothing against trans people etc I just really bristle with all the over the top performative stuff.. Am I just totally out of touch? My current company does not have any kind of stance in this area which I guess is terrible if you are one to name their pronouns..tbh I've got enough shit going on to have to explain my preferred pronouns to everyone I meet!

OP posts:
SiegeOfBees · 23/05/2023 18:47

I like the I/Me suggestion Grin

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 23/05/2023 18:47

Idk calling it performative for someone to try and make you comfortable seems kinda transphobic

identifyingasmrblobbytoday · 23/05/2023 18:47

It/that.

WhateverHappenedToMe · 23/05/2023 18:49

"My preference is not to be forced into giving personal information until I feel comfortable in the setting".

TeenDivided · 23/05/2023 18:49

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 23/05/2023 18:47

Idk calling it performative for someone to try and make you comfortable seems kinda transphobic

Are they trying to make the OP comfortable? If they were wouldn't they realise that there are probably more people who don't like performative pronouning than there are trans people...

Dacadactyl · 23/05/2023 18:50

It'd put me right off the company too tbh. It's just a load of crap this pronouns nonsense.

Oysterbabe · 23/05/2023 18:50

She / her and move on. It's just the bloody recruiter, who cares? They're all full of shit anyway.

shivawn · 23/05/2023 18:51

I'd be rolling my eyes but is this just a recruiter linking you to a job in another company? Or will be be working with this recruiting company. If the former I'd just go along with it for the sake of a very short professional relationship, as dumb as I think it is.

Chuffaluffa · 23/05/2023 18:52

You can’t be bothered saying two syllables? Really?

dementedpixie · 23/05/2023 18:52

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 23/05/2023 18:47

Idk calling it performative for someone to try and make you comfortable seems kinda transphobic

And did it make the OP feel comfortable?!
Or did it make her feel the opposite?

dementedpixie · 23/05/2023 18:53

Just tell her to use your name or whatever pronouns she likes.

Bearpawk · 23/05/2023 18:54

Did she actually offer you a job? Or was it an initial chat so she can find out more about you to see if you're a suitable candidate ?
If it's the latter you might look awfully silly declining 'the job'.

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 23/05/2023 18:54

Chuffaluffa · 23/05/2023 18:52

You can’t be bothered saying two syllables? Really?

It's not two syllables though is it? It's announcing that "I agree with your gender woo fiction and will be performative along with you."

Bollocks to the lot of it.

itsmylife7 · 23/05/2023 18:55

The trouble is that just going with this stuff, it becomes ingrained...the drip drip affect.

Personally I'd say "what are you on about " let her/she/him/they explain to you and try to keep a straight face

TheIsleOfTheLost · 23/05/2023 18:56

Don't take the job then. It's you that loses out if it is a job you want though. Or you could just say what you prefer to be referred as.

Clymene · 23/05/2023 18:56

Why is the recruiter telling you her pronouns? Confused

Whataretheodds · 23/05/2023 18:56

It's only the recruiter - I'd be inclined to say "ooh, I've not been asked that by a recruiter before. I'm definitely interested in hearing about the company approach to embracing equity." and then ask about something else.

philautia · 23/05/2023 18:57

@fdgdfgdfgdfg this is exactly the point. By going along with it, we are pretending to agree with the collective madness.

Atishoos · 23/05/2023 18:57

I think underhandedly they are trying to weed out the "they thems etc." from their workforce. Who could blame them? So say she/her and you've got the job.

LaMaG · 23/05/2023 18:59

Ffs what bullshit. I would find it extremely uncomfortable being asked this question, as would the majority of people I know. I think best approach is to politely query why she is asking you? If more people did this it would stop it becoming the norm. Rest assured if you were trans then you would have been screaming it from the rooftops before she even got that far, so it's just BS really.

Summerslimtime · 23/05/2023 18:59

I just say that I don't subscribe to gender theory.

cocunut · 23/05/2023 18:59

Unfortunately I think this is gonna be the norm for a few years now, especially in large corporate situations. I would just tell her "she/her" and move on.

Rainbowshine · 23/05/2023 19:00

“It’s interesting that you ask this, I understand that since the recent Forstater judgement asking that question could be interpreted as discriminatory against those that have gender critical beliefs”

musicforthesoul · 23/05/2023 19:01

Is it just the recruiter or someone you'd actively be working under?

If it's a 3rd party recruiter who cares, if it's someone you'd be working with it would put me off as well. I don't like the asking everyone to announce preferred pronouns stuff and if it's got as far as asking in direct conversation in this organisation it's not going to be an environment I'd want to work in.