To tell pronoun announcing recruiter I don't want the job

[hursty900]

Had a call with a recruiter today- clearly female name, pic on linked in clearly female & then at start of call she announced 'my pronouns are she/her, may I ask what yours are?'... I mean she was polite, but it just seemed ridiculously performative (I too am clearly female) & has made me question if I want to work for this organisation. I have nothing against trans people etc I just really bristle with all the over the top performative stuff.. Am I just totally out of touch? My current company does not have any kind of stance in this area which I guess is terrible if you are one to name their pronouns..tbh I've got enough shit going on to have to explain my preferred pronouns to everyone I meet!

Pronouns have nothing to do with sexuality 😕

I would answer I am post pronouns and they can refer to me as they see fit but my name is xyz

I love saying I am post pronouns, it always confuses people.

It does put me off too but it's nonsense and no one believes in it.

I just got back from California for work, tech company so very much you'd think into it. Not one word on pronouns, as you say, it's all performance.

I think, in a one-to-one basis you simply say ‘please use you, your or my name when addressing me’ and leave it at that. They’d look like a knob when they have to clarify they meant ‘how should I talk about you when you aren’t there’ so are unlikely to ask again.

Well, frankly, I'd rather be naive than openly bigoted and biased. So sue me.

But of course you’re not being bigoted against actual women who rightly want to protect their spaces and rights that the pronoun gang seem happy to undermine for the sake of mens feelings. Oh you’re so brave!

Meanwhile, in the real world...

Is deciding to rule out people who show poor reflective abilities and have a dodgy moral base bigoted or biased?

Most people are non binary. There aren't an increasing number of non binary people, there are an increasing number of people who think that's something which needs announcing and an increasing number of people making unwarranted and disrespectful assumptions about other people's relationships with gender stereotypes.

Silly me. An actual woman, refusing to buy into the idea that somebody not wanting to misgender anybody is somehow punishing/insulting other actual women and betraying the sisterhood.

Fuck it. I'm off to bake some cupcakes or burn my bra or something.

100% agree and is the point I was making upthread.

I agree.

Misgendering someone it calling a person with a dick (either currently or previously) a woman

Yes, can you imagine everyone running the 100m Olympics with one leg to avoid upsetting the person born with one leg?

I don’t believe in gender ideology so I don’t believe misgendering is a thing. I use sex based pronouns.

What is the point of titles though? Surely antiquated. Can't actual names just be enough?

That makes no sense at all. I know a few female Samantha's known as Sam. So what?

See, I quite like titles. I don't like the informality of first names all the time, (Especially salespeople trying to fabricate a non existent relationship with me.)

Presumably Samantha known as Sam would have introduced herself as Sam?
"Your name is Samantha (no shit!), what would you like to be called?" is an asinine question and your anology is just... shit 🤷🏻‍♀️

"Hi, your name is Samantha, do you prefer Samantha or Sam?"

I have a similar name that can be shortened to a male version - like Charlotte /Charlie.

I am known by my full name and have never gone by the shortened name and I fucking hate it when people trying to be chummy either start calling me by that name or ask me if I prefer it or if they can call me by it.

That's fucking offensive.

No. I don't know you and stop trying to get close to me with your shitty faux buddiness.

If I wanted to be called Sam or Charlie, I'd have introduced myself that way.

So no it's not the same.

My cousin is called Sammie (spelt that way, she says) informally, Samantha on the B Cert. She hates being called 'Sam'. Has been known to say 'Don't call me that!'

What do you mean “most people are nonbinary” ? Where has this been scientifically proven?

"Nonbinary" isn't about science and proof. It's about identity, and stereotypes.

Claiming a non-binary identity implies that other people have binary identities. But no one is a walking masculine stereotype and no one is a walking feminine stereotype. We all have various mixtures of behaviours that are usually coded in our society as masculine or as feminine. Hence everyone being non-binary in terms of their gender (identity/presentation/performance or however you want to describe it)

What do you mean “most people are nonbinary”

I expect the poster meant that most people don't tick absolutely all the female stereotype boxes or absolutely all the male ones. And that the idea that you'd need a label for that supposedly new, revolutionary category of human is bloody stupid. As is the idea that you'd categorise yourself based on outdated sex-based stereotypes (rather than what sex you actually are) at all anyway.

My name is Samantha. I’m Sam to my mates and family but for work I use my full name (which negates the need for pronouns I would say).

As far as the thread goes, I’d say even if I introduced my self as Sam, the clues that I’m a woman are pretty obvious. I can honestly say I’ve never been mistaken for a man.

Though once at work my TL had a particularly awkward client who demanded to speak to the manager. My TL gave my name to this dickhead as Sam . When I picked up the call and asked how I could help, the response was ‘oh god you’re a woman’ - no shit Sherlock

So really it’s not the sane at all

Unfortunately doing the research properly to get the fully quantified percentates isn't allowed under our newthink overlords, but if you talk to a wide range of ordinary people across every sector of society, rather than just TRAs the number of people who have a genuine "sense of gender" that is fundamentally a different phenomenon from (albeit sometimes in alignment with) "intellectual knowledge of what sex I am", and who firmly associate that sense of gender as solely masculine or feminine, is very much a minority. For a start, there's an immense amount of privilege required to even ponder the question, so a lot of normalising against other demographics would be needed to take into account those people for whom just surviving is a struggle without such existential angst.

It would be wrong to do the research though because these days science has to produce the results that are politically and socially acceptable.