To tell pronoun announcing recruiter I don't want the job

[hursty900]

Had a call with a recruiter today- clearly female name, pic on linked in clearly female & then at start of call she announced 'my pronouns are she/her, may I ask what yours are?'... I mean she was polite, but it just seemed ridiculously performative (I too am clearly female) & has made me question if I want to work for this organisation. I have nothing against trans people etc I just really bristle with all the over the top performative stuff.. Am I just totally out of touch? My current company does not have any kind of stance in this area which I guess is terrible if you are one to name their pronouns..tbh I've got enough shit going on to have to explain my preferred pronouns to everyone I meet!

^ this... in the specific circumstances it's either performative OR it's to weed out anyone who answers with pronouns that don't match their appearance because why would you need to refer to someone in the third person if you're just speaking to them directly?

There's an extensive list here -

wingsoverscotland.com/everything-is-transphobic/

I would like to respond.. "that depends, what is the reported gender pay gap in your organisation?"

Fucking hell.

I'm glad I don't know them.

I bet the recruiter was cringing asking you that.
I work in a customer facing roll and there's been lots of things over the years that I've been told I have to say to customers which I've found frustrating.

I get your annoyance though OP. I have no problem with being a she or her but why is that the first thing to ask me?
Strange.

So if you're female, you wouldn't mind being called 'him' all day by your colleagues?

YANBU. I have a real problem with forced language and identification, which is what 'choosing pronouns' is. People say if you don't choose then, you're anti-trans, but for me, I don't identify with identifying myself in that way. Here are other things I don't do: put my advanced degrees after my name; use Mrs (I use Ms); state my political affiliations; state my religion. I could go on and on. If someone wants to share these things, I don't care, and I shouldn't be forced to do so in return.

Love that, grill!

I was asked mine for the first time in an EDI training session last week, it's not a neutral question. I was the only person to say that I didn't want to state pronouns and I put my brave pants on to do that rather than just ignore the requirement and feign forgetfulness. Felt better that I did but there's a series of these courses and I'm going to be asked another 5/6/7 times in front of different colleagues

Now this is a bloody good response. I follow Pay Gap Bot on Twitter and the gaps are frequently jaw dropping, often the poorest are legal firms and universities.

I would say this.

I already know without ever meeting them that they are my nemesis 🤣

There are lots of utterances that take two syllables that I couldn't expend the energy in because they're nonsensical. OP isn't obliged to buy into an organisational culture she finds uncomfortable.

I find it odd that so much effort is put into using the correct pronouns for such a small percentage of the population (not saying that’s bad per se) but it’s very telling relative to the % of the population represented by people of colour who are not extended the same respect.

I’d much rather someone help/correct me in understanding their preference for describing heritage, which can also be far more nuanced than ‘she/her’ and likely to be a richer conversation in my view.

For anyone who wants to check out their own organisation's pay gap -

gender-pay-gap.service.gov.uk/

Abso fucking lutely 👏👏

Ive lived 50 years on the planet without needing a preferred pronoun and I’ll be buggered if I give a shit now.

God/Hero/Superstar/DoesntSufferFools

@SamW98 @literalviolence

This is a very good point!!!

The days off are to deal with all the stress of the gender stuff, I presume

Probably because that's a really thick thing to say. Particularly as you used 'I' in your response.

Like seriously, you have to know a pronoun before interacting with someone? I've also worked in an international environment for years and have received emails from people with names where I had no idea if they were male female or other. In fact, we used to play an obnoxious game called 'guess the gender' at one place I worked (all in good humor). I can see how having pronouns eliminates this guesswork but also, it does not matter at all.

I said "Pronouns are in the eye of the beholder" once, but fair enough it was just a hobby group not a work recruitment situation.

I'd shit myself if I was asked that in a recruitment situation and probably just say "I'm a woman so my pronouns are based on that" then go away crying.

Oh well

Or, I use pronouns for clarity.

Well...the second syllable would be "off".
Followed by the silence of a disconected phone.

@ClareBlue

That response was effortlessly hilarious

🤣👏