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AIBU?

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Original poster

To tell pronoun announcing recruiter I don't want the job

430 replies

hursty900 · 23/05/2023 18:43

Had a call with a recruiter today- clearly female name, pic on linked in clearly female & then at start of call she announced 'my pronouns are she/her, may I ask what yours are?'... I mean she was polite, but it just seemed ridiculously performative (I too am clearly female) & has made me question if I want to work for this organisation. I have nothing against trans people etc I just really bristle with all the over the top performative stuff.. Am I just totally out of touch? My current company does not have any kind of stance in this area which I guess is terrible if you are one to name their pronouns..tbh I've got enough shit going on to have to explain my preferred pronouns to everyone I meet!

OP posts:
Fairislefandango · 23/05/2023 19:15

Idk calling it performative for someone to try and make you comfortable seems kinda transphobic.

Do you honestly believe that more than a very small minority of adults would actually be made comfortable by being asked this? A few might. The vast majority would probably be either slightly baffled or actively irritated. Surely if you're going to try to make people feel comfortable, the only sensible approach would be to try to make the most people possible comfortable?

Aitchoo · 23/05/2023 19:16

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 23/05/2023 18:47

Idk calling it performative for someone to try and make you comfortable seems kinda transphobic

It is performative. If the recruiter really cared about the OP, they would have asked them if they used pronouns above and beyond grammar requires for a coherent discussion, but she didn't.

Biscuitea · 23/05/2023 19:16

Just say “why do you ask?”

then wait to see what crap they come out with.

then tell them you don’t believe in gender ideology so she can call you whatever she likes, job done.

Aitchoo · 23/05/2023 19:17

One / Thou

MidgeHardcastle · 23/05/2023 19:20

What, do you mean today or generally?

Newrumpus · 23/05/2023 19:20

Aitchoo · 23/05/2023 19:17

One / Thou

Nice. Never been asked but would love to answer:

we
your Highness
her Highness

probably wouldn’t though.

Original poster
hursty900 · 23/05/2023 19:20

Well I'm glad it's not just me! It was clearly performative. I replied 'same I suppose' because I was quite baffled & uncomfortable.. & it set the whole chat off on a really weird footing. It has put me off the job because i don't want to work somewhere where this ideology is front & centre. She was a recruiter for the actual company so she set the tone..

OP posts:
Astralitzia · 23/05/2023 19:22

Fairislefandango · 23/05/2023 19:15

Idk calling it performative for someone to try and make you comfortable seems kinda transphobic.

Do you honestly believe that more than a very small minority of adults would actually be made comfortable by being asked this? A few might. The vast majority would probably be either slightly baffled or actively irritated. Surely if you're going to try to make people feel comfortable, the only sensible approach would be to try to make the most people possible comfortable?

The vast majority wouldn't really give a shit either way. A minority would be baffled or actively irritated, and a minority would be made more comfortable by it.

lyingonthebeach · 23/05/2023 19:23

@LaMaG
I totally agree

WiseUpJanetWeiss · 23/05/2023 19:26

The vast majority wouldn't really give a shit either way

I suspect the vast majority of people would think WTF.

coxesorangepippin · 23/05/2023 19:27

I'm more of the 'how much are you paying me' camp personally

SunnyEgg · 23/05/2023 19:29

hursty900 · 23/05/2023 19:20

Well I'm glad it's not just me! It was clearly performative. I replied 'same I suppose' because I was quite baffled & uncomfortable.. & it set the whole chat off on a really weird footing. It has put me off the job because i don't want to work somewhere where this ideology is front & centre. She was a recruiter for the actual company so she set the tone..

Fair enough

It sounds like they hold it as a high priority

sunshinemode · 23/05/2023 19:32

I would say that if someone telling you their preferred pronouns asking permission to ask yours makes you feel uncomfortable in an interview don't accept the job as it's likely you will feel very uncomfortable with their equalities policy and there will be plenty of others delighted by it and want to work there.

Abhannmor · 23/05/2023 19:32

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 23/05/2023 18:47

Idk calling it performative for someone to try and make you comfortable seems kinda transphobic

How is this compelled speech bolloxology going to make anyone comfortable?

willWillSmithsmith · 23/05/2023 19:32

“You can call me the cat’s miaow or the dog’s bollocks it’s up to you I really don’t mind”.

readbooksdrinktea · 23/05/2023 19:33

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 23/05/2023 18:54

It's not two syllables though is it? It's announcing that "I agree with your gender woo fiction and will be performative along with you."

Bollocks to the lot of it.

Show quote history

This.

I'd be put off if she works for the organisation,

Cabbagey · 23/05/2023 19:33

I wouldn't be bothered but I seem to be a minority on here as I do have preferred pronouns - like most people I interact with in real life. I work in a very international workplace and have found it helpful in the past where people have specified pronouns when, if all I had to go on was their name, I would have got it wrong.

Sandylanes69 · 23/05/2023 19:34

Do you routinely throw a strop if someone asks you Miss or Mrs?

Musicaltheatremum · 23/05/2023 19:34

SiegeOfBees · 23/05/2023 18:47

I like the I/Me suggestion Grin

I think this is perfect. Those are mine too. The other pronouns are what people refer to you as in the 3rd person so I'd not be there.

bluebeck · 23/05/2023 19:34

Astralitzia · 23/05/2023 19:15

Do you want the job though? Because turning it down just because of this smacks of cutting your nose to spite your face to me, but we're all different.

I agree with this.

I think it’s more usual than unusual nowadays to be asked about pronouns, certainly in my sector (legal)

HermioneWeasley · 23/05/2023 19:35

It tells you the organisation is soaked in gender ideology and if you aren’t, you are unlikely to be a good fit.

what did you say out of interest?

I’ve not been asked yet but I think I’d say “that’s not a practice I follow”

Moveoverdarlin · 23/05/2023 19:35

I wouldn’t be able to hold back, even if it cost me the job. I’d say ‘Are you being serious? My name is Sophie / Laura / Joanne, of course I’m a female. I can’t believe you just asked me that.’

willWillSmithsmith · 23/05/2023 19:37

Sandylanes69 · 23/05/2023 19:34

Do you routinely throw a strop if someone asks you Miss or Mrs?

I do 😁 what business or relevance is it to anyone other than a personal level?

BluebellBlueballs · 23/05/2023 19:39

I tend to say 'oh, I don't believe in pronouns ' when asked this question.

It makes them do a head-scratch

RosaGallica · 23/05/2023 19:39

“I speak the English language as normally used within the English language speaking community and prefer communicating and exchanging meaning, and facilitating the exchange of meaning, rather than facilitating pretentious social snobbery”? Assuming you don’t care about having jobs