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Original poster

To tell pronoun announcing recruiter I don't want the job

430 replies

hursty900 · 23/05/2023 18:43

Had a call with a recruiter today- clearly female name, pic on linked in clearly female & then at start of call she announced 'my pronouns are she/her, may I ask what yours are?'... I mean she was polite, but it just seemed ridiculously performative (I too am clearly female) & has made me question if I want to work for this organisation. I have nothing against trans people etc I just really bristle with all the over the top performative stuff.. Am I just totally out of touch? My current company does not have any kind of stance in this area which I guess is terrible if you are one to name their pronouns..tbh I've got enough shit going on to have to explain my preferred pronouns to everyone I meet!

OP posts:
BluebellBlueballs · 23/05/2023 20:10

msisfine · 23/05/2023 20:08

Probably because that's a really thick thing to say. Particularly as you used 'I' in your response.

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It's supposed to be ironic, dear

Some people are too thick to understand irony.

HarrietJet · 23/05/2023 20:11

msisfine · 23/05/2023 20:02

So if you're female, you wouldn't mind being called 'him' all day by your colleagues?

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Yeah, because that happens all the time, doesn't it? Ffs 🙄

CreationNat1on · 23/05/2023 20:12

I work for this type of company, I didn't realise the amount of BS some of them but into. One person has pronouns, her myers briggs personality 4 letter category and a description of her personality under her signature 🤣🤣🤣🤣.

However, pay, benefits, holidays and work life balance are all really good. Just be polite and wait until they offer you something and then decide if you are interested.

Christmascracker0 · 23/05/2023 20:13

It would be quite easy to just ignore the question and respond to the other parts of the message. Or just ignore the message, they must send hundreds of them every day so hardly likely to even notice.

Clementineorsatsuma · 23/05/2023 20:13

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 23/05/2023 18:47

Idk calling it performative for someone to try and make you comfortable seems kinda transphobic

Transphobia?! On MN?!

Who knew 🤷‍♀️

SunnyEgg · 23/05/2023 20:14

msisfine · 23/05/2023 20:02

So if you're female, you wouldn't mind being called 'him' all day by your colleagues?

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It’s never happened and I don’t do the pronoun declaration

blipblopbloopsy · 23/05/2023 20:14

It’s so funny/weird to me how so many of you are so up in arms about this and yet if someone referred to you as “he” or “they” you’d have a right old strop.

HarrietJet · 23/05/2023 20:14

a description of her personality under her signature 😱. Wtaf??

msisfine · 23/05/2023 20:15

@BluebellBlueballs I'm pretty sure irony is supposed to be witty. God forbid we do something that costs us nothing whatsoever to make someone else feel more comfortable in the workplace.

Dacadactyl · 23/05/2023 20:15

blipblopbloopsy · 23/05/2023 20:14

It’s so funny/weird to me how so many of you are so up in arms about this and yet if someone referred to you as “he” or “they” you’d have a right old strop.

Well yeah, because I am an ACTUAL WOMAN

Christmascracker0 · 23/05/2023 20:15

Christmascracker0 · 23/05/2023 20:13

It would be quite easy to just ignore the question and respond to the other parts of the message. Or just ignore the message, they must send hundreds of them every day so hardly likely to even notice.

Omg sorry I thought it was a LinkedIn message but re read the OP and it was a call 🤣

Honestly I’d just go along with it if you are serious about looking for a job. Lots of recruiter/HR types say their pronouns now.

Clementineorsatsuma · 23/05/2023 20:15

Summerslimtime · 23/05/2023 18:59

I just say that I don't subscribe to gender theory.

Thereby breaking Employment law in an Employment scenario.

Way to go.

Budikka · 23/05/2023 20:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MsMandy · 23/05/2023 20:16

Some people are happy, or feel it's necessary to declare their pronouns. So far, in my workplace it has only been done by women, who are clearly female and declaring she/her. I don't need to do it but if anyone is uncertain about my pronouns, I'm happy to have a chat with them and they can guess.

Hairbrushhandle · 23/05/2023 20:17

"ah I actually don't bring my whole self to work so I like to keep my pronouns to myself"

Original poster
hursty900 · 23/05/2023 20:17

Christmascracker0 · 23/05/2023 20:13

It would be quite easy to just ignore the question and respond to the other parts of the message. Or just ignore the message, they must send hundreds of them every day so hardly likely to even notice.

It was a telephone call!

OP posts:
HarrietJet · 23/05/2023 20:18

Clementineorsatsuma · 23/05/2023 20:15

Thereby breaking Employment law in an Employment scenario.

Way to go.

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Breaking employment law? Do explain how?

RoseslnTheHospital · 23/05/2023 20:18

@Clementineorsatsuma how does saying that you don't believe in gender theory break Employment law?

msisfine · 23/05/2023 20:18

@SunnyEgg you're proving my point really. By asking everyone, it's supposed to remove the spotlight and any need for confusion. It's not actually about you.

Emmamoo89 · 23/05/2023 20:19

I couldn't work for someone with that bollocks

msisfine · 23/05/2023 20:19

@Budikka are you fucking serious? Comparing defining pronouns to Nazi Germany?

blipblopbloopsy · 23/05/2023 20:19

Here’s the thing though: there are “actual women” (to borrow the Mumsnet term 🙄) who will be misgendered at different points in their life (it’s happened to me a couple of times). Or people with gender neutral names, or people with non-English names, etc. So this isn’t just for the benefit of trans people.

Original poster
hursty900 · 23/05/2023 20:20

blipblopbloopsy · 23/05/2023 20:14

It’s so funny/weird to me how so many of you are so up in arms about this and yet if someone referred to you as “he” or “they” you’d have a right old strop.

I've not bern referred to as 'he' since I was a bald headed baby.. but if I was I'd laugh & correct them..& certainly not feel as weirded out as I did by being asked such a random question from the off. It was just simply unnecessary.

OP posts:
SunnyEgg · 23/05/2023 20:20

msisfine · 23/05/2023 20:18

@SunnyEgg you're proving my point really. By asking everyone, it's supposed to remove the spotlight and any need for confusion. It's not actually about you.

Well it is because it’s my decision.

You are free to declare if you want. No need to force others who do not want to.

msisfine · 23/05/2023 20:20

MsMandy · 23/05/2023 20:16

Some people are happy, or feel it's necessary to declare their pronouns. So far, in my workplace it has only been done by women, who are clearly female and declaring she/her. I don't need to do it but if anyone is uncertain about my pronouns, I'm happy to have a chat with them and they can guess.

That is not my experience at all, everyone at my work has it on their email signature.