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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Declining to put my preferred pronouns in my email signature

434 replies

HowDoIGetThisThingOff · 23/05/2023 13:11

It's finally happened, I've been "told" to put my preferred pronouns in my email signature at work.

I've emailed back saying my preference is that I don't do this. But I'm feeling a bit anxious 😬.

Please can I get some advice on what to say if they come back with questions or pressure to comply?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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ArabeIIaScott · 23/05/2023 13:12

Compelling use of pronouns doesn't help trans people, or anyone questioning their identity. It's specifically advised against in Yogyakarta principle 6.

https://yogyakartaprinciples.org/principle-6/

f) Ensure the right of all persons ordinarily to choose when, to whom and how to disclose information pertaining to their sexual orientation or gender identity, and protect all persons from arbitrary or unwanted disclosure, or threat of disclosure of such information by others.

Principle 6 – Yogyakartaprinciples.org

https://yogyakartaprinciples.org/principle-6

Original poster
HowDoIGetThisThingOff · 23/05/2023 14:41

Thank you @ArabeIIaScott

OP posts:
puffyisgood · 23/05/2023 15:07

tell the powers-that-be that you're trans/ identify the other way, and have no wish to either: (a) out yourself, in this cruel, transphobic world; or (b) lie/mis-gender yourself.

Girlboss1989 · 23/05/2023 15:20

Why don't you just include whichever pronouns you want people to use for you?

PermanentTemporary · 23/05/2023 15:21

I think in something like this I would ask to see the policy covering it, to make sure you are fully compliant with it.

If the policy is that it's not compulsory, just keep saying that. If there is further pressure, ask if it is a client request or otherwise affects income of the organisation.

If, essentially, you are being asked to fit in and shut up, it's up to you. My view ultimately is that managers make these arbitrary decisions at times in order to demonstrate that they are doing something. I will always cut managers some slack because I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than manage anything. I personally wouldn't die on this hill. I know all the arguments against it and haven't put my emails on my signature. I think the idea that staff being virtuous at each other improves anything is ludicrous. But if it was that or lose my job, I'd do it.

ArabeIIaScott · 23/05/2023 15:23

Girlboss1989 · 23/05/2023 15:20

Why don't you just include whichever pronouns you want people to use for you?

Some of us are unsure of what our pronouns are. What do we put?

PermanentTemporary · 23/05/2023 15:25

@Girlboss1989 for those of us who think it's regressive, sexist, an extra cognitive load and unnecessary, this is a significant decision. Like being asked to put your religion in your signature, or in my case being required to use Mrs instead of Ms when I don't want to.

Time40 · 23/05/2023 15:25

Why don't you just include whichever pronouns you want people to use for you?

I don't care which pronouns anyone uses for me, so I don't have preferred pronouns. I can't magically make myself care, or produce some preferred pronouns from nowhere - I'd be lying if I said that I had some.

Blackandwhitehorse · 23/05/2023 15:29

just say you’re not comfortable with it. They can infer anything from that, from someone gender critical to someone questioning their gender identity

SaltyColin · 23/05/2023 15:29

Girlboss1989 · 23/05/2023 15:20

Why don't you just include whichever pronouns you want people to use for you?

What's the point of them? Who really cares?

DollyTrolly · 23/05/2023 15:29

Why don't you just include whichever pronouns you want people to use for you?

Would you ask someone to put their marital status, religion, sexuality, or if they were pregnant on their email signature?

Blackandwhitehorse · 23/05/2023 15:30

Or just ignore any follow up

SaltyColin · 23/05/2023 15:31

I agree with @Blackandwhitehorse just say you're not comfortable doing that.

"Comfortable" covers a lot of bases these days.

SpringNotSprung · 23/05/2023 15:32

I'm waiting for the instruction. When it comes I'll be putting: "my pronouns are I and me"

Crikeyalmighty · 23/05/2023 15:33

I will be ignoring anything like this I am requested to do.

KiteofUncertainty · 23/05/2023 15:33

@HowDoIGetThisThingOff
I think the advice from a pp about checking policy to see whether it's compulsory to state your pronouns is great advice and should be your first step. If it's not compulsory, just say that it isn't compulsory and you won't be doing it. No reasons need to be given. If it is compulsory, or they keep on at you, go the route of discrimination against protected characteristic, harassment etc.

I wouldn't quote yogykarta or say you're not comfortable outing yourself or anything like that. You don't believe in the nonsense and that is enough. Never mind about trying to speak their language, as it were.

midgemadgemodge · 23/05/2023 15:35

Well I'd put they them because that's how I would prefer anyone who buys into gender to think about me

They then meet their targets and you will
Sharp find out how few people take any notice

EarringsandLipstick · 23/05/2023 15:38

Crikeyalmighty · 23/05/2023 15:33

I will be ignoring anything like this I am requested to do.

Same.

My organisation (university, Ireland) has been doing lots of 'encouragement' (memos, Sway presentations, all staff emails) and 'offering' (strongly suggesting attendance) EDI courses.

I have just ignored. So far, we are not yet, here, at the point of any compulsion, or any conflict between GC / trans beliefs ... there's a reasonably peaceful co-existence ...ish.

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/05/2023 15:38

I'm very tempted to put they/them. Because being a middle-aged woman, the chances anyone will use them is zero. I've noticed that actually no one does anyway unless policed. I work with someone with they/them remotely. Everyone, even the wokest of woke staff slip into she/her when chatting in the office.

I spoke to my manager about them, she's happy I'm not. It's a hill I will get slightly wounded on.

Ponderingwindow · 23/05/2023 15:38

There are two approaches I would consider

  1. i am uncomfortable making a pronoun declaration.
  2. women are still discriminated against in the workplace and I refuse to engage in a practice that draws attention to the sex of employees
  1. leaves it vague and makes it possible that you could even be trans. They can’t argue with this one.
  2. this is the reason I asked my husband not to participate in this farce. He decided to just list his pronouns much to my chagrin

at my workplace they remain optional, but are becoming increasingly common. I’m not sure which approach I will take if they force the issue.

ArabeIIaScott · 23/05/2023 15:38

Yes, true. Ignoring has worked for me fine so far.

determinedtomakethiswork · 23/05/2023 15:39

I just don't understand it with emails. If someone is talking about you then wouldn't they just use your name? And if your name is very typically female or male, then why are pronouns needed?

I am very GC anyway, so I wouldn't include mine.

DumboLives · 23/05/2023 15:40

Play the game - for pronouns put ‘not decided yet, just use my name for now’

SaltyColin · 23/05/2023 15:42

Girlboss1989 · 23/05/2023 15:20

Why don't you just include whichever pronouns you want people to use for you?

Guaranteed this poster will come back and say "but how does it affect you/why does it bother you/what difference does it make to you?"