To be upset about my sister being given a house by my parents

[mammamia77]

My parents own two houses (one they live in and the other they rent out). The mortgage on the house they rent out is coming to an end and my parents have been deciding if they want to keep their current tenants or sell up. That was until today when my dad mentioned 'gifting' the house to my sister (aged 20) as another option. Obviously I know that the house belongs to my parents and they are free to do whatever they want with it, but I couldn't help feeling upset about this.

I'm 27 and bought my property aged 25 through hard work and years of saving, so I feel that it is unfair that I had to work so hard to buy my house and my sister just gets gifted with one. My sister could sense I was a bit annoyed over the situation and said something along the lines of 'I don't know what your problem is, you already have your own house'

So, AIBU unreasonable for feeling a bit pissed off that my sister may be given a house basically for free when I had to work so hard for mine?

[towriteyoumustlive]

Perhaps your parents have other plans to do something for you?

Like you said... its their money so you're not in a position to say anything, but you're quite right to feel pissed off. I would!

[unicorncrumble]

Unless there are details you're not telling us that are super relevant, no you're not being unreasonable at all. Letting her live there for a bit while she saves up would be much more reasonable

[noworklifebalance]

YANBU

As you say, it’s your parents’ house to do what they wish with but this sort of thing rips siblings and families apart and they are pretty naive if they didn’t realise that.

[rainraingoawaay]

Is there a huge backstory about her being golden child / you being left out by parents / parental attitudes etc? Have they helped you in other ways?

Are they actually giving it to her, or is it just for her to live in?

It's definitely not going to foster the best relationship with you and your sister, but from their view you have a house and she doesn't so that point of view is understandable. I think it had the potential for a long term rift!

[pbdr]

Perfectly reasonable to feel pissed off if your parents are showing blatant favouritism/ treating you very unequally. It would be different if you were absolutely loaded and your sister was in serious financial hardship, but it doesn't sound like that's the case.

[44PumpLane]

You're not being unreasonable, I suggest talking to them.

It's perfectly reasonable to say that yo are aware it's their money but it's upsetting to think that you had to scrimp and save for years to be where you are, but your sister might be gifted a house. It's okay to say that it feels unfair.

[DannyZukosSmile]

Of COURSE YANBU if they are giving your sister a house, and giving you nothing.

That's some seriously questionable parenting doing that. Why would ANYone do that? I'd never give a thing to one child that the other was not getting... Dreadful.

[00100001]

YANBU

[Forgetaboutme]

Yanbu. I'd be gutted. I think if they just mean letting her live there for a bit thats ok. Or even selling it to her at a slightly reduced value.

I mean surely they aren't going to just give her a house? If they are then I would say thats mega unfair.

[Boshi]

Wow -
do you own your house outright? It’s not comparable at all to gift one child a paid off house while the other lives in one they worked hard for and are still paying off.

Speak to your parents about this, I would be making it clear this will cause a permanent rift between my sibling and I.

[oviraptor21]

Maybe they are planning to even things up somewhere along the line. Perhaps in their wills although I can understand that may not feel like a fair solution either.

[parietal]

Speak to them. My parents let my brother live in their rental house for a bit but he paid rent etc. they might realise the unfairness when you discuss it.

[Mum2jenny]

Life can be shite, but I’m not surprised you are pissed off. I would be in a similar scenario.

[MrsRagnarLothbrok]

you are not being unreasonable, but could it be that they are thinking that you have a house so don't need one and maybe will leave the house they live in to you?

[mrsfollowill]

That's awful - unless your sister is very disabled and unable to work. My parents have always been transparent with me and my sis and generally we get the same amount of financial support. My mum helped my sister out a fair bit when she was going through a divorce and fell over herself to try and give me the same amount of money. I didn't need it so didn't 'take it' but I know if I need help in the future it's there. What is their reasoning to give her a house and not you? On the face of it is seems really unfair! Does she give them more practical support than you? (not that it would be justified!)

[DillyDallyingAllDay]

Surely you can have a casual conversation about it? You are definitely not being unreasonable as it is very unfair. Have they helped you out in anything similar or are planning something else for you?
It is their money and I don't think its a case of you're annoyed because she's being given a house- its more that you are both their children, and fair/equivalent treatment is a basic expectation from your parents.

[RedRosette2023]

I’d be pissed off too.

[mainsfed]

Speak up now.

If they don’t want to leave it as an inheritance, they should sell the house and divide the proceeds between you.

If not, go no contact.

[RoseJam]

YANBU. Your scenario happened exactly to me. My parents' reasoning was that because they believed DH and I earned more than my sister and her DH, my sister deserved the house more. My sister and her DH thought my parents' reasoning was entirely sound (funny that!).

As you said, it is ultimately your parents' choice - and one I had to accept - but I never understood. I personally don't think is fair to treat one child more favourably than others - and not something I could do with my children. I almost felt I was punished for working hard and progressing in a demanding job. 15 years later, my parents haven't gifted me anything.

I'll be honest - I resent my parents but it has helped me over time to realise that my parents are quite toxic and emotionally immature. I have also realised that my sister is the golden child, whereas I am the scapegoat. I am also the one they come running to when they have problems. I don't put up with their shit any more, and feel much better for it.

[Sissynova]

I mean you are a lot more fortunate than you think if you viewing buying a house at 25 to be slaving away saving for years.

You’re only in your 20s and your sister is only 20. Is there actually any reason to think it won’t balance out over time?
I don’t think things need to happen at complete equal times for siblings for things to be fair.

[Mum2jenny]

There may be a reason they have given the house to your dsis that you are not aware of. But, I agree, it’s shit

[Caterina99]

I’d definitely be annoyed if my DP gave my brother a house and not me!

My DP did let my brother live in the house they rent out, but he paid rent!

[gogogoji]

If your sister really said that then She shows an unbelievable lack of self awareness. Your parents sound stupid or blatantly love her more than you. She actually thinks it's fair for one sibling to be given a house because the other bought their own? And hers is fully paid off. Yours I take it has an enormous mortgage? This would break my family.

[Ccvyvyan]

Slaving away for years/bought a house at 25. 🥴

[ToHellBackAndBeyond]

For years I was told I'd inherit my parents house. They changed their will to share to one of my siblings and the grandchildren because "when we go you should be settled so you won't need it".
It sucks but, as you say, it's their property not yours. You have my sympathy.