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AIBU?

To be upset about my sister being given a house by my parents

329 replies

mammamia77 · 13/05/2023 20:44

My parents own two houses (one they live in and the other they rent out). The mortgage on the house they rent out is coming to an end and my parents have been deciding if they want to keep their current tenants or sell up. That was until today when my dad mentioned 'gifting' the house to my sister (aged 20) as another option. Obviously I know that the house belongs to my parents and they are free to do whatever they want with it, but I couldn't help feeling upset about this.

I'm 27 and bought my property aged 25 through hard work and years of saving, so I feel that it is unfair that I had to work so hard to buy my house and my sister just gets gifted with one. My sister could sense I was a bit annoyed over the situation and said something along the lines of 'I don't know what your problem is, you already have your own house'

So, AIBU unreasonable for feeling a bit pissed off that my sister may be given a house basically for free when I had to work so hard for mine?

OP posts:

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Moonchild79 · 13/05/2023 22:50

I think the reason they will not sell and split is Capital Gains Tax implications

NotStayingIn · 13/05/2023 22:50

I completely understand why you are hurt about this, I would be too.

And I would be livid with my sister for trying to pretend she thinks it's fair because you have a house. Bullshit.

She only thinks it's fair because it benefits her. If the situation was reversed I imagine she would pipe up pretty quickly.

Unsure33 · 13/05/2023 22:51

If that is the whole story i would be angry as well . I know my sibling got extra help because they were divorced ( even though they had committed adultary) then later when I needed help nothing left .

I think I would try and check the long term intentions because even if their house is to come to you there may be things that happen that might negate that. I understand no one is entitled to anything but outright favouritism is wrong .

firsttimemumggg · 13/05/2023 22:55

You worked hard for how many years to save how much?

Suspific · 13/05/2023 22:56

I get it OP.

Parents are very odd in their interpretation of what is 'fair'. I am blessed with a dad who fully understands the meaning of fairness and giving my siblings and I each according to his need at the time but transparently evening things out in the long run.

Parents who see one child with something and try and even things out by giving something to the other child are helping no one. It fosters resentment and feelings of unfairness.

SD1978 · 13/05/2023 22:57

Both of them live at home rent free. The OP was on a decent wage from teaching, and saved whilst living at home. Her sibling also lives at home rent free. She was able to save a deposit, and pays a mortgage. He's sister is being given a mortgage free house. The two do not equate. I would be upset and miffed- it's not fair and I would struggle with a relationship with them when they so obviously don't see you both equally.

k1233 · 13/05/2023 22:57

If your parents want her to have the house, can they gift her half and she get a mortgage for the other half which would be paid to you to make it even? That way you both have mortgages and yours is reduced by the same amount she's been given ie the half of the house she didn't pay for.

That's the only fair way I can see something like that working.

When talking with your parents stress you don't own a house - you have a mortgage that you'll be paying for 20+ years.

As for you inheriting their house, the future is uncertain and it may need to be sold to fund their care in later years.

mammamia77 · 13/05/2023 22:58

firsttimemumggg · 13/05/2023 22:55

You worked hard for how many years to save how much?

Not sure why this is relevant, but anyway, as I've mentioned already, I saved for four years saving around £400-500 (the amount each month varied) a month. I then got 25% of the amount in my ISA account from the government

OP posts:

Trixibella · 13/05/2023 22:58

mammamia77 · 13/05/2023 22:34

@Verbena17 yes maybe their current house may be left to me when they die, but that could be many years away so I've still got years ahead of me of paying my mortgage while my sister lives stress free in a paid off house

Then you’ll have 2 houses! And be

either way - it’s not your money which you know. You could say you think it’s unfair if you want. It sounds like you want them to not give her the house. Or would you rather she got the house and they evened it up later? Is the motivation to do her over out of something that could make her life so much better than living at home? Do you not get on?

Livingwithex · 13/05/2023 22:59

I agree with OP. I would be very pissed as very similar thing happened to me.
i pay mortgage that will go up soon due to inflation.
sister got a flat for free that my parents used to own. And now she travels the world while I wonder whether I can afford ti put heating on or not.
my parents also paid for few things in my house but nothing that equals to a mortgage free flat.

long story short the relationship between me and my sister in non existent. All because of how my parents divided things.
i feel your pain

JandalsAlways · 13/05/2023 23:02

I'd be pissed off too, but try not to let it affect you. They obviously think she needs it more

saraclara · 13/05/2023 23:03

mammamia77 · 13/05/2023 22:11

@Maireas I do appreciate that I'm fortunate to have been able to afford a house at 25, but it wasn't that difficult tbh... I lived at home after uni and put around £400-£500 in my savings accounts each month for four years. I also had an ISA account and was given 25% of the amount I had in there. I then bought a home that wasn't very expensive in a cheap area. I'd say that if you live at home for a bit, buying a house mid twenties is very doable.

Only if you live in a very cheap area. Seriously, you have no idea what it's like for people in most other parts of the country. I'm from Derby and if I'd stayed up there I'd be in a mansion for the same price of my small family home down here (I'm not in super-expensive London or a posh area - just the southeast.

My DDs need to stay around here for work and other reasons, so have little choice in where they buy, but the cost of my DD's really tiny terraced cottage straight onto a pavement with no parking, would buy her a four bed semi-detached back where I grew up. Parts of the Midlands are among the cheapest places for property in the country.

SeatonCarew · 13/05/2023 23:03

YANBU. Unfair treatment, especially from parents, rankles. It's like you're being taxed for getting your shit together.

I get it.

mammamia77 · 13/05/2023 23:03

@Trixibella wow, a lot of assumptions made there. I get on with my sister fine and do not want to "do her over" out of anything. The issue is that I'm stuck paying a mortgage for decades while she potentially gets handed a house for free. I simply do not think that is fair. At all. The house should be divided between the two of us

OP posts:

Trixibella · 13/05/2023 23:06

They weren’t assumptions they were questions. How about if your parents gift her the house and she pays them “rent” til she’s bought it off them? Is that better? Then they get the money, not the bank.

mammamia77 · 13/05/2023 23:06

@saraclara I have family in London so I do understand. It's a shame house prices differ so greatly across the country

OP posts:

mammamia77 · 13/05/2023 23:09

Trixibella · 13/05/2023 23:06

They weren’t assumptions they were questions. How about if your parents gift her the house and she pays them “rent” til she’s bought it off them? Is that better? Then they get the money, not the bank.

'It sounds like you want them to not give her the house'

This is an assumption, not a question.

Yes that option would be a lot fairer, but I don't think that's what's being proposed here.

OP posts:

polkadotdalmation · 13/05/2023 23:11

That's pretty outrageous of them. If you sister has a job she she should repay your parents a sum of money, like £300 pcm which should go to you. That way it's fairer. Otherwise sell the house and divide the amount between you.

Pinkfluff76 · 13/05/2023 23:13

Wow that’s upsetting. Not to mention I assume your house isn’t mortgage free like your sisters will be?

Holly60 · 13/05/2023 23:16

Sissynova · 13/05/2023 21:01

I mean you are a lot more fortunate than you think if you viewing buying a house at 25 to be slaving away saving for years.

You’re only in your 20s and your sister is only 20. Is there actually any reason to think it won’t balance out over time?
I don’t think things need to happen at complete equal times for siblings for things to be fair.

I don't really see how it can balance out over time, unless her parents have a secret third house they can gift her, or a spare £400, 000?

stayathomer · 13/05/2023 23:19

Op, even if your sister does exactly what you did, the changes now in both cost of living and cost of houses make it very possible she won’t be able to buy a house as you did. Also I don’t get all the posters saying they’d never ‘do that’ to their children. Honestly if you had a struggling child and a non struggling child and you couldn’t give the same to both you’d really not even up the score? I think anyone who said ‘no we helped ds1 out a little, we’ll help ds2 out the same amount and let her try and just figure it all out somehow’ may think differently if it happened irl. Op as someone whose parent didn’t speak to their family for years over a will and now relived practically the same thing as an adult and is only just back talking to their sibling- IT IS NOT WORTH IT. Its an absolute abyss of bitterness and sadness

CabbagePatchDole · 13/05/2023 23:20

It seems a really nice gesture for them
to give your sister the house. However sibling rivalry being what it is perhaps they should have sold the house and split the proceeds between you…nah! After writing that I think they have made the right choice. Now both their kids have the security of their home. Your parents are great. I am sure they will give you a little something at some point in the future.

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Feefooo · 13/05/2023 23:20

We are a bit further out but kind of the same happened DH is the eldest. Because we were sensible and only had 1 child we bought a house, dh climbed the career ladder and is now a higher earner. BIL had 3 kids in rapid succession couldn't afford them MIL bought them a 5 bed house. It's caused friction within the family but MILs response is you are a higher earner you can afford it.

Feefooo · 13/05/2023 23:21

It's not about the money really DH feels upset because his brother is favoured when DH has worked his arse off.

mammamia77 · 13/05/2023 23:22

stayathomer · 13/05/2023 23:19

Op, even if your sister does exactly what you did, the changes now in both cost of living and cost of houses make it very possible she won’t be able to buy a house as you did. Also I don’t get all the posters saying they’d never ‘do that’ to their children. Honestly if you had a struggling child and a non struggling child and you couldn’t give the same to both you’d really not even up the score? I think anyone who said ‘no we helped ds1 out a little, we’ll help ds2 out the same amount and let her try and just figure it all out somehow’ may think differently if it happened irl. Op as someone whose parent didn’t speak to their family for years over a will and now relived practically the same thing as an adult and is only just back talking to their sibling- IT IS NOT WORTH IT. Its an absolute abyss of bitterness and sadness

My sister is not struggling though. She's a 20 year old who lives at home rent free and gets all her bills paid. She could save loads of money if she really wanted to, to build a deposit for a house, just as I did

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