To be upset about my sister being given a house by my parents

[mammamia77]

My parents own two houses (one they live in and the other they rent out). The mortgage on the house they rent out is coming to an end and my parents have been deciding if they want to keep their current tenants or sell up. That was until today when my dad mentioned 'gifting' the house to my sister (aged 20) as another option. Obviously I know that the house belongs to my parents and they are free to do whatever they want with it, but I couldn't help feeling upset about this.

I'm 27 and bought my property aged 25 through hard work and years of saving, so I feel that it is unfair that I had to work so hard to buy my house and my sister just gets gifted with one. My sister could sense I was a bit annoyed over the situation and said something along the lines of 'I don't know what your problem is, you already have your own house'

So, AIBU unreasonable for feeling a bit pissed off that my sister may be given a house basically for free when I had to work so hard for mine?

[mammamia77]

@Ccvyvyan

Slaving away for years/bought a house at 25. 🥴

I qualified as a teacher aged 21 and saved for four years to buy my house aged 25.

[Swrigh1234]

You are not unreasonable. Parents who show favouritism are nothing but silly. It always ends up costing them in destroyed relationships.

[Swrigh1234]

And you sister’s comment shows she must be a spoilt brat. No doubt there must be some history of your parents having a hand in raising an entitled child. Looks like that is going to continue.

[deepspace9]

YANBU seems very unfair. Talk to them though as they may have other plans for you x

[Greengold123]

YANBU to feel hurt or pissed off by this. Nothing you can do about it unfortunately

[AndIKnewYouMeantIt]

Very unfair. I'm of the opinion that it may not be given exactly at the same time as each other but all large material or monetary gifts should be equal, excepting where one sibling is unable to earn/live independently.

[RudsyFarmer]

When you say ‘buy my house’. Do you mean you have a mortgaged property or that you have bought the house outright as a cash buyer. When you say ‘gifted your sister a house’ do you mean allowed your sister to live in it rent free or signed the deeds of the house over to her and she owns it outright?

[Usernamen]

It honestly wouldn’t bother me. My siblings have received far more financial help than I have over the years as they don’t earn as much, and I don’t begrudge it one bit.

You’re only 27, have confidence in yourself and your ability to continue standing on your own two feet. You didn’t need a helping hand to buy a house - feel proud of this!

[mammamia77]

@RudsyFarmer

When you say ‘buy my house’. Do you mean you have a mortgaged property or that you have bought the house outright as a cash buyer. When you say ‘gifted your sister a house’ do you mean allowed your sister to live in it rent free or signed the deeds of the house over to her and she owns it outright?

My house is mortgaged and yes the deeds would be signed over to her

[Aquamarine1029]

It's shit like this that literally ruins families, and I've witnessed this exact situation play out. The resentment and hurt feelings can never be repaired. Shame on your parents if they do this.

[3luckystars]

But you are obviously still paying a mortgage on your home and will be for a long time, does your sister realise this? I don’t think your parents are doing her any favours just giving that clown a free house if she does not understand that much.

Treating children differently with regards wills and inheritance can destroy families. I have seen it happen, it’s not even about the money, it’s the hurt.

[Wolfinthehouse]

This happened to me. My DB was given a Very large property at a young age. I only found out a few years ago but it's now being sold to be shared out between all the siblings (to try and tie everyone back together too!) but it's utterly ruined my relationship with half my family.
Talk to your parents and see if you can stop the damage being done by them giving it away to your dsis.

[Swansandcustard]

Mine are giving their little villa in Spain to my brother, well, already have to all intents and purposes as he is on all the finance/documents despite not contributing financially. They think I haven’t worked it out and studiously avoid speaking about it, which makes it even more hurtful. He is definitely the golden child, am used to it now but it still hurts.

No suggestions op, apart from put it out of your mind as much as you can. I don’t know why some families think this kind of thing isn’t going to have consequences.

[LadyGaGasPokerFace]

What your parents should be doing is selling the rental and splitting the money between you and your ds.

[RudsyFarmer]

@mammamia77

My house is mortgaged and yes the deeds would be signed over to her

Well I would raise merry hell for that. There’s no way I wouldn’t pull your parents to one side and ask why they’ve made that decision and how it makes you feel. Honestly that needs addressing or else the resentment you’ll feel off the back of it will cause you cancer and im
not be facetious.

[strawberryjeans]

It’s possible they will give you similar help in another way. I do think it’s unfair, but is there a back story? Have they given you ££££ towards your deposit? It’s harder by the year to buy a house by the way.

[RoseJam]

You could have a frank discussion with your parents and tell them how you feel. However, be warned that you may not like their explanation and the end result of gifting it to your sister will be the same. Which truly sucks.

[saraclara]

@mammamia77

I qualified as a teacher aged 21 and saved for four years to buy my house aged 25.

My DD saved fiercely for nearly a decade to be able to afford her tiny house. You must live in a very cheap area, OP (as my DD wishes she could!)

But seriously, you're absolutely reasonable to be hurt and angry. I can't imagine doing this to one of my DDs over the other. And your sister's response is really stupid and immature.

[mammamia77]

@strawberryjeans

It’s possible they will give you similar help in another way. I do think it’s unfair, but is there a back story? Have they given you ££££ towards your deposit? It’s harder by the year to buy a house by the way.

They didn't help with the deposit but they did buy things for my house e.g. washing machine, sofa etc. Still, I don't think that equates to giving my sister a whole house

[3luckystars]

No it doesn’t. This will cut very deep if it happens, I think you should point out the unfairness of this and how hurtful this would be to you.

Do you think you will be able to?

[TheSingingBean]

YANBU

I just don't understand why some parents do stuff like this.

[Ffsmakeitstop]

Yadnbu are they maybe thinking of leaving their own house to you as an inheritance? Still doesn't make it any easier to bear.
Your sister doesn't sound mature enough to run a home.
Don't know what you could possibly say without causing a massive fallout but I would be so upset.

[Sainte]

Good reason to only have one child.
Money and wills are always a problem.

[ThomasinaLivesHere]

Since they own two houses is it possible they will give you the one they’re living in now when they die? That way it’s sort of fair as you get an house each although not really fair given the time difference there will likely be.

[Glasshalffullorempty]

Have they def put her on the deeds or are they letting her live their rent fee? It would still be annoying obvs if she’s there rent free but that’s not the same as gifting her a house