To be upset about my sister being given a house by my parents

[mammamia77]

My parents own two houses (one they live in and the other they rent out). The mortgage on the house they rent out is coming to an end and my parents have been deciding if they want to keep their current tenants or sell up. That was until today when my dad mentioned 'gifting' the house to my sister (aged 20) as another option. Obviously I know that the house belongs to my parents and they are free to do whatever they want with it, but I couldn't help feeling upset about this.

I'm 27 and bought my property aged 25 through hard work and years of saving, so I feel that it is unfair that I had to work so hard to buy my house and my sister just gets gifted with one. My sister could sense I was a bit annoyed over the situation and said something along the lines of 'I don't know what your problem is, you already have your own house'

So, AIBU unreasonable for feeling a bit pissed off that my sister may be given a house basically for free when I had to work so hard for mine?

[Sissynova]

@mammamia77

They didn't help with the deposit but they did buy things for my house e.g. washing machine, sofa etc. Still, I don't think that equates to giving my sister a whole house

No but it does show that they help you as and when you need it.
It sounds like you were helped by several thousand when you bought a home. Did your sister complain then that she didn’t get the equivalent in cash?
You actually don’t know any details at the minute, whether she will be given the house, whether she will just live in it, what plans would be in place for you etc

You’re being a bit quick to scream unfair Imo. I’m sure you weren’t asking ‘what about sister what is she getting?’ When they were buying you white goods and a sofa.

[mydoghasanattitude]

The whole thing about 'their money, their decision' is a bit too simple and flippant for real life and human emotion. Yes, it's true, but it's reasonable to feel frustrated and hurt if parents favour one child over another for no obvious reason.

It depends on your relationship with them, but if these were my parents and I felt they were favouring a sibling over me, I think I'd have to calmly tell them how I was feeling and ask if there was a reason or a plan to make things more equal. Maybe they plan on leaving you a larger inheritance. Or maybe they feel that your sibling has earned more help somehow, or needs more help. It might not be fair. The answer might be more hurtful than the gift of the house.

If you think you know the answer to this and that asking will only cause unnecessary turmoil, however, maybe it's best to privately acknowledge the unfairness and move on... Only you know if it's worth speaking to them about it. I'd certainly feel that if my sibling received a large amount of extra money/property or other special treatment, she should be the one they'd rely on more heavily when they eventually need assistance.

[WoolyAndYug]

I'd hazard a guess that whatever OP's parents did for her whilst she lived with them growing up (driving lessons etc) they also did for her sister - I doubt they were keeping a spreadsheet of every expense and then adding it up realising OP's expenses equated to the full value of a property, then decided to even out the scales by gifting the sister a house.

Some posters will reach for any ridiculous scenario just to be argumentative against the OP.

OP - of course this is unfair. Have your parents explained a way in which they plan to even things out? Could they be letting your sister live in the house and the house would be in both your names?

[mammamia77]

@AppleKatie

4 years of saving on a newly qualified teachers salary. It boggles the mind how you afforded to live AND save (what? 20-30k min?) so about a quarter of your gross salary?

I wasn't saving for four years on a newly qualified teachers salary. My salary increased each year and by the time I got to my fourth year of teaching I was earning around 30K

[Sissynova]

And they also helped you significantly by allowing you to live at home rather than renting until you bought a home. They saved you tens of thousands on rent.

[JudgeJ]

@mammamia77

My house is mortgaged and yes the deeds would be signed over to her

You certainly need to talk to them about their future plans for you. It may be that they are thinking that giving the house to your sister will reduce Inheritance tax liability when they die, assuming they live the 7 years, depending on the size of their estate, in which case it's not a bad idea but you need to clarify your position with them too,

[Maireas]

Yes, I can see that, @mammamia77 - so your parents have helped you out significantly. I'd just let it lie.

[SalmonEile]

Does your sister currently live at home with them

[Sissynova]

@AppleKatie

4 years of saving on a newly qualified teachers salary. It boggles the mind how you afforded to live AND save (what? 20-30k min?) so about a quarter of your gross salary?

It’s pretty easy to save a large portion of
your salary when you don’t pay rent.

[TomatoSandwiches]

I can't believe you were all there for this conversation and you didn't pipe up at all, why did you not say something op?

[Justalittlebitduckling]

Maybe they’re planning to leave you their other house?

[AhNowTed]

Your parents would be fools to do this.

It is grossly unfair.

[BadBarry]

Can I ask how exactly did the conversion pan out, was it they asked you have you felt about it or was in said in a matter of fact this is a done deal way?
Was there an opportunity privately for your to discuss with your parents or was this all with your sister present?
Could it be they intend to leave you the house they live in now solely?

[mammamia77]

@TomatoSandwiches

I can't believe you were all there for this conversation and you didn't pipe up at all, why did you not say something op?

I wasn't sure if the way I felt was justified so wanted time to think before I spoke to them about it

[ConsuelaHammock]

Ask them for half the house and see what they say ? They should treat you both the same .

[Boomboom22]

Surely they don't mean sign over a whole house to her mortgage free when you lived at home for 4 years but will pay a mortgage for how long? That would be very very unfair.

[Zonder]

Can you calmly speak to your parents without your sister there? You do have your house but you will be paying for it for years whereas your sister won't.

[AppleKatie]

😂I do understand that you moved up the pay scale each year OP. But you still saved a min of a quarter of your total income (more than a quarter of your net income?)

Did your parents let you live rent free for four years? Because whilst not equal to giving you a house they have effectively given you about 24-48 grand there?

[ScaryGrandma]

YANBU. I've always been really careful not to play favourites with my children and grandchildren to make sure none of them are favoured. What sort of parent even considers doing something so incredibly stupid that makes one of their offspring like a golden child and the other not worth their consideration. They should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves! \

[BadBarry]

Ops sister has probably had the same perks of living rent free as op has , gifting a house and letting your kids save is quite a bit different.

[Shelefttheweb]

Your response to your sister could be that you don’t own a house, you own a large mortgage. Yanbu

[cstaff]

How to completely wipe out a family relationship in one fell swoop between all of you. Jeez op...that can't be easy to accept.

[AWhaleSwamBy]

I'd want to discuss this with your parents. It seems ridiculously unfair but maybe they have other plans for you. If they haven't then I think you should tell them that you accept it's their house to do with as they wish but that you are also allowed to feel upset by it.

[Tayegete]

I’m struggling with all those trying to justify this. Being given a house mortgage free at 20 is such a massive advantage. If OPs parents did have other plans for her they should have sat her down and said we’re planning to give Dsis this house and we’ve got x saved up for you. It would need to be equal amounts given at the same time to make it fair.

[mammamia77]

@AppleKatie

😂I do understand that you moved up the pay scale each year OP. But you still saved a min of a quarter of your total income (more than a quarter of your net income?)

Did your parents let you live rent free for four years? Because whilst not equal to giving you a house they have effectively given you about 24-48 grand there?

Your post made it sound like I was on an NQT salary for four years.

Yes my parents did allow me to live at home and save rather than paying them rent, but as you said, it is still not equal to giving my sister a mortgage free house so I'm unsure what point you are trying to make