To be upset about my sister being given a house by my parents

[mammamia77]

My parents own two houses (one they live in and the other they rent out). The mortgage on the house they rent out is coming to an end and my parents have been deciding if they want to keep their current tenants or sell up. That was until today when my dad mentioned 'gifting' the house to my sister (aged 20) as another option. Obviously I know that the house belongs to my parents and they are free to do whatever they want with it, but I couldn't help feeling upset about this.

I'm 27 and bought my property aged 25 through hard work and years of saving, so I feel that it is unfair that I had to work so hard to buy my house and my sister just gets gifted with one. My sister could sense I was a bit annoyed over the situation and said something along the lines of 'I don't know what your problem is, you already have your own house'

So, AIBU unreasonable for feeling a bit pissed off that my sister may be given a house basically for free when I had to work so hard for mine?

You did have some help buying your house OP though in living at home until you were 25, assuming paying much less, if any, rent/bills than you would have done if you’d had to get your own place after Uni so you could save?

Your sister is 5 years behind you if she’s 20. Is she still in education?

Still I think it’s totally unfair to give her a whole mortgage free house!

If your parents were fair, they’d sell the house and ‘gift’ her a flat, gifting you the rest of the proceeds to reduce your mortgage. Or keep half of the house sale as a deposit for her when she’s ready to get a mortgage and give you the other half to pay toward your mortgage.

Yes, this! To all my posters banging on about me living at home rent free, my sister lives at home rent free too! She even still has her phone bill paid by my mum as well

All the posters*

And the sister could live at home and do this too if she so wishes!!
I'm sure it wasn't amazing to live back at home as a professional adult necessarily either for the OP. She made sacrifices and played sensible. Now she has a massive mortgage and no free house as a consequence whereas sister gets it on a plate and people like you and the sister are claiming this is fair enough. Fools.

What about the house tenants? Will your sister have to take over managing the house as a landlord until they leave ?

Perhaps their own house they live in is going to be gifted to you?

I still don't think it's fair though. Obviously they saved me money as I didn't pay rent for four years, but my sister may be getting a house that's fully paid off worth over 200k. Would you let that lie?

Is your sister going to be paying rent for the property

@mammamia77 do they have past form for favouring your sister? It’s really not okay what they’re doing btw.

I suppose I’m making the point that your parents seem very generous (and well off!). If there is no backstory of meanness/unfairness (which it doesn’t sound like there is) then have a frank conversation with your parents.

It’ll probably get sorted out very quickly. No loving normal parents are going to think giving your sister a house mortgage free at 20 and not you is fair and reasonable.

They have already given you a huge gift though so clearly they love you very much and I wouldn’t go in all guns blazing assuming the worst of them.

@Verbena17 yes maybe their current house may be left to me when they die, but that could be many years away so I've still got years ahead of me of paying my mortgage while my sister lives stress free in a paid off house

Yanbu. It is completely unfair. Your parents should sell up and split the money between you and your sister. Your sister will have a good chunk of money for a deposit, and you can pay off a chunk of mortgage.

I've had the same from my parents

My brothers lived at home rent free,had their driving lessons paid for,cars and the expenses bought for them,weddings and honeymoons paid for,£50 to 'treat themselves',endless holidays abroad,spending money,new clothes,furniture and white goods when they finally got flats of their own-what they wanted,they got

growing up they got more than me too-they had a tv and vhs player each,VHS tapes,brand name trainers,better toys,school trips,new clothes,college education-and the offer of uni if they wanted it etc

The list is endless

Me-i got to 16-no further education for me,i got to 18 and was chucked out-sink or swim

I was a single parent with coppers in my purse and was always trying to turn a penny into a pound-always freaking out about how I was going to feed my kids or worrying about big expenses like the washer breaking down

I got fuck all from my parents-they just didn't want to know and would stand laughing at me if I asked for help

My brothers would stand there and tell me I was pathetic and show off the latest whatever my parents had just bought them

Fast forward-im nc with the lot of them

This is a massive shock to them-they really don't understand why I refuse to stick around for their shit

I now have a good job,qualifications(they all dropped out if college),a house and we live a nice life

They really thought that as the only dd,I'd put up with their crap,would stick around to look after them in their old age and wipe their arses no matter how they treated me

Nah

Of course it isn't fair. And your parents are stupid. Who gives a 20 year old a house? Do they realise if she marries, then it becomes a marital asset. Do they not give a toss about the relationship between you and your sister. And how is she going to do maintenance/house insurance/upkeep at age 20. Are they going to be doing that too?

I just can't get my head around actually giving a 20 year old a house and thinking her sister won't mind and she'll manage the house fine. They really must be thick.

Your parents can leave their house to one/both/neither of you, (cats home?). Legally. But morally it's very unfair to do so. My parents did this to me. It's not just the money (tho with both their grandchildren being disabled I cannot understand how they could do so) but its the utter utter rejection I feel.
I am sorry OP, I hope you can speak to them about it & find some resolution.

Unless they’re planning to gift you early and they just pay you some rent/live in it for free?

As mentioned by a PP - property could be gifted but remain tenanted and your sister stays at home.
I think having an open and honest chat with mum and dad would clarify matters.

Also congrats on buying your own property.

I can certainly understand your upset. My parents were always scrupulous about 'even Steven' with my sibs and I. If one got help, they made sure that we were all 'made good' in one way or another or that we agreed no 'recompense' was needed. But their help never included a house or anything like as expensive, more financial support during hard times or help with buying a large appliance. And expensive gifts were equal too. For example, we all received a new washer and dryer when we bought our first homes. When our mum gave my sister and I expensive jewelry that was left to her, she made sure our brother received a like amount in cash. Because they were so 'fair' I just can't understand parents that don't at least try to make things more equal.

Before you speak to your parents, I suggest that you review this thread for the comments from posters that have, well, maybe gotten under your skin a bit. Because I have a feeling that these same things will be said by your parents in justifying such an expensive gift to your sister. Think about how you will phrase your responses to your parents, as you may need to choose different words than you use to a random stranger on the 'net. I realize they most likely can't 'even Steven' by paying off your mortgage or whatever, but I would think they should at least want to make some sort of gesture (or promise) that at least acknowledges the 'one-sidedness' of their gift.

And as far as them bequeathing you their current home, remember that that home isn't necessarily 'secure'. It could have to be sold to downsize or to pay care home fees.

Both of my DDs bought their first houses within 2 years of leaving Uni - one was 22 and bought it completely by herself.

I would check that they understand the implications of such a gift.

Should one of them need to go into care, their assets will be checked, if they can't afford to pay for it, and your sisters gifted home may not be as secure as she/they think.

i would speak to them and ask that they speak to a professional financial person before doing anything!

I think your feelings are justified.
They should have left the tenants in there and given you both the earnings from the rental. Or sold it and given you both the money from the sale. That way she can put a deposit down for her first house and you pay a chunk of yours.

If you saved about 400 per month over 5 years, that's roughly 25K, give or take a couple thousand. Dishwasher, less than 1K. Let's say generously 5K on appliances? That's about 30K, perhaps less. Compared to a whole house worth 200K, that's a really big difference. A house that you may inherit, many decades from now, is not really equal. For one thing, your parents may use up the equity in that house for their own care as they get older. Which of course you would totally want them to do, and they are entitled to do! But, point being, it is not really equal. Letting you live at home for 5 years and helping you with appliances, is not the same as giving your sister a house free and clear. For one thing, you'll have to worry about a mortgage for the next 20 years.

@Pallisers Do they realise if she marries, then it becomes a marital asset. It won’t become a marital asset due to her getting married alone though. Only if the house is lived in as a family home.

Could it make sense they've maybe done it to avoid some sort of care home fees thing when they're older?

Same happened to us, BIL got a 5 bed detached but oh well you move on.