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AIBU?

To be upset about my sister being given a house by my parents

329 replies

mammamia77 · 13/05/2023 20:44

My parents own two houses (one they live in and the other they rent out). The mortgage on the house they rent out is coming to an end and my parents have been deciding if they want to keep their current tenants or sell up. That was until today when my dad mentioned 'gifting' the house to my sister (aged 20) as another option. Obviously I know that the house belongs to my parents and they are free to do whatever they want with it, but I couldn't help feeling upset about this.

I'm 27 and bought my property aged 25 through hard work and years of saving, so I feel that it is unfair that I had to work so hard to buy my house and my sister just gets gifted with one. My sister could sense I was a bit annoyed over the situation and said something along the lines of 'I don't know what your problem is, you already have your own house'

So, AIBU unreasonable for feeling a bit pissed off that my sister may be given a house basically for free when I had to work so hard for mine?

OP posts:
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Ladykryptonite · 13/05/2023 21:42

I'd have a frank chat with my parents, this is not on in any way

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arethereanyleftatall · 13/05/2023 21:43

Befire you go in guns blazing, check their plans. It may be that their house will be yours entirely in their will.

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ActDottie · 13/05/2023 21:45

Yanbu

My husband is in a similar situation where his brother gets a house to live in rent free and him and his other siblings who own houses through hard work and sacrifices get nothing. His brother is a complete waste of space as well.

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PastaPup · 13/05/2023 21:45

Ask them about it

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SalmonEile · 13/05/2023 21:45

How did your parents react when your sister said you already have your own house?

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YourFault · 13/05/2023 21:45

YABU

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Idorecruiting · 13/05/2023 21:46

YANBU to be upset, but ultimately it is their house. I would broach the subject tactfully about the message it sends. I would rather receive not than an unfair split, even if it favoured me.

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uncomfortablydumb53 · 13/05/2023 21:47

YANBU
Situations like this lead to family estrangements and I'm surprised your DPs think it's ok

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Gemcat1 · 13/05/2023 21:49

Talk to your parents and tell them how you feel. Yes, it's their property and they can do what they want with it but they shouldn't be showing such favouritism. They should sell the house and share the proceeds rather than this option. I truly understand how you feel, my Dad always put my 2 older brothers first. Gave them a large amount of money when they got married and didn't give me anything. All of my life I was the young daughter who didn't get because I was a girl. Yes, it is my parents money but it was the treatment not the money. And, yes, I had that discussion with my Dad, he apologised and did nothing. But, at least I had told him.

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Idorecruiting · 13/05/2023 21:50

Idorecruiting · 13/05/2023 21:46

YANBU to be upset, but ultimately it is their house. I would broach the subject tactfully about the message it sends. I would rather receive not than an unfair split, even if it favoured me.

*nothing

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CantFindTheBeat · 13/05/2023 21:50

What's the general situation with your parents, OP?

Its a massive thing to 'give' a child a house.

Do they not need income in their old age? Is this indicative of previous behaviour?

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AndIKnewYouMeantIt · 13/05/2023 21:51

Ffsmakeitstop · 13/05/2023 21:38

Yadnbu are they maybe thinking of leaving their own house to you as an inheritance? Still doesn't make it any easier to bear.
Your sister doesn't sound mature enough to run a home.
Don't know what you could possibly say without causing a massive fallout but I would be so upset.

Thing with this logic is that I bought my first house in my early 20s and am likely to have paid the mortgage off, with all the interest, before I inherit anything. I'm nearly 40 and my parents are in their mid-60s!

Having half the money from this house would give the OP some massive overpayment opportunities.

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ranoutofquinoaandprosecco · 13/05/2023 21:53

Maybe they'll leave you the other house they're living in? Can you ask them, tell them you're hurt by their actions?
If they aren't aware they've caused you upset you know who's going to be looking after them in old age and jt isn't you!

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Howdoyoulikeyoureggsinthemorning · 13/05/2023 21:57

mammamia77 · 13/05/2023 21:07

I qualified as a teacher aged 21 and saved for four years to buy my house aged 25.

Where do you live?!

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mammamia77 · 13/05/2023 21:58

@Howdoyoulikeyoureggsinthemorning the midlands.

OP posts:
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Howdoyoulikeyoureggsinthemorning · 13/05/2023 22:00

I mean if you can buy a house that quickly on a teacher's salary and have a home by 25, I would say you're very lucky. The situation your parents are trying to put you and your sister in is unfair of course, but I wouldn't say you're that worse off! Most of us dreamed/still dream to be you.

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blahblahlandgoogoodoll · 13/05/2023 22:01

Perhaps they're viewing it as, in terms of inheritance, you each get a house from them.

As you're older and already own a property now, you won't benefit from getting your inheritance now, but your sister would.

You'd still 'get the same' it's just you'd have it later. The money would either pay off your mortgage or ensure you were comfortable when they weren't around to support you anymore.

Don't go to war over this, money is never worth it. Try to let go of your own anger about this and have an open conversation with them about their reasons.

Unless there is a massive backstory I'm sure they'll explain their thoughts and perhaps it won't be so out there.

Start with something non accusatory, like 'wow that's generous, won't you need the money / income from it? What are your plans around that.'

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ChateauMargaux · 13/05/2023 22:02

Answer to your sister - no... I don't already have a house, I saved for a 10% deposit on my house and I pay a mortgage including interest every month so that in 20 years time, I will have a house - it is not the same!

Answer to your parents: Why do you think it is OK to give DSis a house and me nothing? If they say that you will inherit their house when they die and it will all be evened out in the will, tell them that there is no guarantee that they will be in a position to leave their house when they die, nor would you want them to have to make decisions in their old age that held them to this commitment and that receiving an inheritance when you are in your 50's when you will already have made life decisions along the way to pay for your own house is not the same as being given a house in your 20's and being able to benefit from that for the best part of your mid life.

Can you tell that I have been at the receiving end of this? Don't hold your tongue but don't necessarily expect that it might change outcomes.

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Maireas · 13/05/2023 22:05

Ccvyvyan · 13/05/2023 21:05

Slaving away for years/bought a house at 25. 🥴

Quite. Who on earth can buy a house at 25 without help?

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AppleKatie · 13/05/2023 22:07

4 years of saving on a newly qualified teachers salary. It boggles the mind how you afforded to live AND save (what? 20-30k min?) so about a quarter of your gross salary?

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Moonchild79 · 13/05/2023 22:07

I think your parents suggested this to be tax savvy re: reducing IHT. It’s quite common and I’m sure will serve both you and your sister well in the future.

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WoolyAndYug · 13/05/2023 22:08

Of course people can buy a house at 25 themselves. OP said she worked for four years before buying her house. The house could have cost £120,000 which would require a £12k deposit and OP would need to earn just under £30k a year to pay the mortgage. It's really not behind the realms of possibility even if the house was worth more.

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Maireas · 13/05/2023 22:09

Your parents are wealthy and you're both fortunate young women. When you were slaving away, were you also paying rent and utilities and also paying off a student loan as well as paying for your own driving lessons etc? If not, perhaps your parents did help you out?

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mammamia77 · 13/05/2023 22:11

@Maireas I do appreciate that I'm fortunate to have been able to afford a house at 25, but it wasn't that difficult tbh... I lived at home after uni and put around £400-£500 in my savings accounts each month for four years. I also had an ISA account and was given 25% of the amount I had in there. I then bought a home that wasn't very expensive in a cheap area. I'd say that if you live at home for a bit, buying a house mid twenties is very doable.

OP posts:
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Ilovetea42 · 13/05/2023 22:11

Your younger sister sounds a bit entitled if she can't see why you'd be annoyed with this.

Again as everyone has said it's their money, but it would be silly for them to think it wouldn't bother you.

My parents have had to bail my sister out a lot recently due to her circumstances. I don't begrudge it in the slightest - she's had a bad time and she'd be up shit creek if they didn't and its their money to do with as they please. My mum has made sure to tell me they're deducting it from her inheritance so we get the same from them overall (not that she had to do that and I did tell her she doesn't need to worry about that).

Would your parents be thinking along those lines that they've a chance to help her now and that be like an upfront inheritance type of situation?

Is there any reason why she couldn't work or get on the property ladder?

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