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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have made the birthday cake instead of buying a fancy one?

203 replies

Flamingogirl08 · 05/05/2023 19:14

So a bit light hearted because it doesn't really matter but my my feelings have been slightly 'bruised' shall we say.

It's first DD birthday this weekend. I've baked her a cake today, in the shape of a 1, pink icing. Nothing fancy but I think it looks quite good to be honest.

We're having family round tomorrow for a bit of a get together. I sent a pic of the cake to the family what's app group.

DSIL has messaged back saying oh I wish you'd have told me you were baking yourself I would've ordered a nice one for her. Am I being too sensitive or is that a bit rude?

To be honest making her birthday cake myself is something I've been looking forward to and it'll be her first taste of cake so it felt special to bake it myself.

Should I have bought a nice one since we have people coming round?

OP posts:
Tinkerbyebye · 05/05/2023 22:42

Just post back now you have been reflecting snd you find this comment very rude. There us no need for it

Secondsop · 05/05/2023 22:44

She is bloody rude and I would be offended if someone had said that to me. In any event, a bought cake? Not when there’s one that’s been lovingly made, thank you!

Secondsop · 05/05/2023 22:45

Littlewhitecat · 05/05/2023 22:19

In my family a shop bought cake is considered very low rent - #teamhomemade

Same!!

Gowlett · 05/05/2023 22:46

Some people like fancy shite. Personally I just prefer nice cake, which homemade usually is. I made my DS birthday cake & cake was so proud of myself. It was lovely, too!

Blossomtoes · 05/05/2023 22:48

My son still remembers the castle his stepmum made him for his sixth birthday - 42 years ago. She’s a brilliant baker - good thing too as I’m hopeless.

TemporaryName123 · 05/05/2023 22:50

She’s a dick.

VestaTilley · 05/05/2023 22:51

YANBU. Homemade cake made by Mum or Dad is always the best and the most meaningful. I love making them for my DS. You sound a lovely Mum and your DD is lucky to have you.

Your SIL sounds like a knob.

Fairowing · 05/05/2023 22:52

If she brings a bought one, use hers for a cake smash!

SpongeBob2022 · 05/05/2023 22:56

I think she was very rude and a home made cake is absolutely lovely. I don't understand the criticism and I love your response to her.

Am surprised at the assumption from posters on here though that the alternative to a home made cake is a mass-produced, shop bought one (not that I actually think there's anything wrong with a shop bought cake). In my experience there's a definite trend towards ordering (expensive) cakes from people who have their own businesses i.e. effectively like 'home made'.

Beachhutnut · 05/05/2023 22:59

Definitely rude. I would reply 'rude'.

TheWelshposter · 05/05/2023 23:28

Questionquestionqu · 05/05/2023 19:57

A bit sad 🤣
Homemade cakes certainly do not taste better if made by me!!

Op, yanbu. I always envy mothers who bake their children's cakes. I'm more of a buy one from Asda sort of person!

Show quote history

Thank you. I was beginning to feel like a terrible mother. I cannot bake, it always turns out to be a disaster. I find other ways to show my love for my kids on their birthdays by planning a special day. Hopefully none of them will feel unloved because their cake came from the local bakery!

Tintackedsea · 06/05/2023 00:40

I think you have to laugh it off. Or in fact laugh in her face.

I was going to make a cake for a work colleague's birthday and the boss said loudly in the staff room to me "Why would anyone make a cake when you can just buy one from a shop? They're far nicer from Tesco."

She was a weirdo with an obsession with power. Cake=power in her crazy mind. Reckon your sil is the same. The only way to fight this sort of passive aggression is to laugh. At them. Full on laugh. Like a bogart in Harry Potter. It's ridiculous so call it that.

PollyThePixie · 06/05/2023 05:11

LadyAddle · 05/05/2023 20:32

Your home-made cake will be infinitely nicer, and will become a Tradition! Honestly, pay her no attention, she's coming from a completely different place. No comparison between bought and home-made. (Just avoid putting Smarties on wet icing in later years, they turn into grey ghosts of themselves.)
@PollyThePixie What is a retro Scottish school dinner cake - is it the big sponge square with icing and sprinkles? I used to love that.

LadyAddle, yes, that’s the one. I made it for the school bake sale one year and it’s been a favorite of hers ever since. In face we all like it but I’ve yet to serve it up with custard like we had at school dinners many many moons ago. I keep telling my family about it but no one has said they’ll give it a go.

newtowelsplease · 06/05/2023 07:07

Beginningless · 05/05/2023 19:19

This’ll get me flamed and I’m not sure how to make it sound not judgy - but for me making homemade birthday cakes is like pure mum cherishing love! My mum always did it for us and I put stupid pressure on myself to do the same. To me a bought cake is soulless and says ‘I don’t care’. Just me personally. I think ignore it and be proud of your cake!

100% this. I love making my kids birthday cakes, and they love to get a homemade one. It is absolutely an act of love, make it a tradition.

Your SIL is rude, and your cake will taste so much better than a bought one.

itsabigtree · 06/05/2023 07:32

Yeah it's rude and ridiculous.

Tell her she's rude and it's not her business to be worried about your kids cake.

ErinAndTonic · 06/05/2023 09:55

First of all yes, she was being rude AF.

But I do think when she said she would have 'ordered' one, she meant by a talented home baker not a supermarket.

I make cakes and have been told I'm very good.. so if this comment was made to me I would take it to mean she thinks it looks very amateur! So not very nice at all from her.. I also wonder if like other comments she wants some trendy modern perfect cake to photograph and doesn't think yours is 'enough' for her!

Fairislefandango · 06/05/2023 10:06

She was (no doubt deliberately) rude. I'd have replied 'Thanks, but I far prefer to put in the effort to make it myself. Shop-bought is fine if you don't have the time ir skill, but homemade tastes so much nicer!'.

It doesn't matter whether she meant that she'd have bought a supermarket one or a fancy one. It was a deliberate put-down and deserves a faux-grateful snarky response Grin.

Comtesse · 06/05/2023 10:13

A shop bought cake? Are you having a laugh? That’s not how we show love in this family!

prepared to admit this might be rude too!

LadyAddle · 06/05/2023 11:07

@PollyThePixie Thank you for the recipe link! Totally agree, you’ve got to have custard …

MinceOnMonday · 06/05/2023 13:48

I've never eaten a shop-bought cake I've enjoyed.

Not every homemade cake is a success, but they do tend to be nicer, much more value for money, and thought and effort goes into them.

Even if your cakes generally taste like mud and sawdust, it's still incredibly rude of SIL to say what she did

foxlover47 · 06/05/2023 14:27

I think making it yourself is much better :)

TeaGinandFags · 19/06/2023 12:45

Flamingogirl08 · 05/05/2023 19:38

Oh good, I'm glad you all understand where I'm coming from!

She has form for snidey comments to be honest so I do think she will have tried to be rude but if I pulled her up she would laugh it off as a joke.

I can't wait for DD to have some tomorrow and to PP who suggested making one every year, that's exactly my plan!

Keep baking, OP. My DH was 60 a few days ago and he still insists on home baked cakes! (It's just that we need a fire extinguisher for the candles )

SIL is jealous as hell. Ignore her spiteful nonsense and make sure to keep her at arm's length. Your DC will treasure their cake memories for years.

RecycleMePlease · 19/06/2023 13:02

That is bloody rude. The only response to 'look at the cake I made my 1 year old' is - wow, that's lovely!

Because it is.

pollymere · 15/11/2023 20:25

Shop bought cake is sad and disappointing for birthdays compared to homemade ones. They tend to be full of preservatives and cheap ingredients whilst being hideously expensive. Unless SIL was going to pay upwards of £40, any cake is not going to compare to yours and that's even before we start on the taste, freshness and love that goes into a homemade one.

My DS often had two cakes. A simple round one on the actual day and then the birthday party cake. This year will be the final one 😥. It something wonderful to do and no shop bought cake can compete with spending hours on SpongeBob, a castle, a Moshi Monster, a trampolining unicorn, balloons, a crown, a ghost, an igloo with penguins or the massive sheet cake covered in sweets. Have years of fun x

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