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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have made the birthday cake instead of buying a fancy one?

203 replies

Flamingogirl08 · 05/05/2023 19:14

So a bit light hearted because it doesn't really matter but my my feelings have been slightly 'bruised' shall we say.

It's first DD birthday this weekend. I've baked her a cake today, in the shape of a 1, pink icing. Nothing fancy but I think it looks quite good to be honest.

We're having family round tomorrow for a bit of a get together. I sent a pic of the cake to the family what's app group.

DSIL has messaged back saying oh I wish you'd have told me you were baking yourself I would've ordered a nice one for her. Am I being too sensitive or is that a bit rude?

To be honest making her birthday cake myself is something I've been looking forward to and it'll be her first taste of cake so it felt special to bake it myself.

Should I have bought a nice one since we have people coming round?

OP posts:
Curseofthenation · 05/05/2023 19:34

She's a cowbag. I would go back with something along the lines of: 'I guess I really wanted to make an effort for my DD's birthday rather than order something in. It means a lot to me and I'm sure DD will love her first taste of cake!'

Then just leave it. She doesn't deserve the head space.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 05/05/2023 19:35

thecatsthecats · 05/05/2023 19:24

MIL was similar about my insistence on making my own wedding cake.

Her preferred cake maker uses too much skanky fondant and produces massively meh sponge cakes. And I have eaten far too many dreary wedding cakes to have that on my own day.

There wasn't a scrap left of my cake on the day :D

I made my friend's wedding cake for exactly this reason. Bought cakes are, generally speaking, all fur coat and no knickers style over substance

SirenSays · 05/05/2023 19:35

I guess only you know your relationship with her but to me that's so rude!

neverenoughchelseaboots · 05/05/2023 19:35

Are you sure it wasn’t a bit of a joke. It sounds more like a ribbing to me - mainly because I can’t believe anyone could be rude enough to say that in seriousness!

SchoolShenanigans · 05/05/2023 19:37

"We love the cake and it's so much more personal - which is what counts :) see you all tomorrow!"

Original poster
Flamingogirl08 · 05/05/2023 19:38

Oh good, I'm glad you all understand where I'm coming from!

She has form for snidey comments to be honest so I do think she will have tried to be rude but if I pulled her up she would laugh it off as a joke.

I can't wait for DD to have some tomorrow and to PP who suggested making one every year, that's exactly my plan!

OP posts:
Original poster
Flamingogirl08 · 05/05/2023 19:39

LetUsPonce · 05/05/2023 19:18

Yes, it was very rude and no, you shouldn't have bought one! Making it yourself is lovely and the cake you've made sounds perfect for a one year old!

Bake them yourself every year! I've always made my DD's birthday cakes and she still looks forward to them - and it's her 18th next time!

Oh that's lovely! That's what I intend to do as well ❤️

OP posts:
GracePalmer33 · 05/05/2023 19:43

I can't believe she said that!

I'd reply with something simple like: "oh no thank you SIL- I actually much prefer homemade birthday cakes which is why I made it myself"

IrregularChoiceFan · 05/05/2023 19:43

That is incredibly rude! The only acceptable response to someone showing you the cake they baked for their child's birthday is 'oh wow! Looks amazing, well done!'

I have made my sons each year. They are a bit budget and the icing isn't straight but he always gets excited by them and I enjoy the tradition of staying up till stupid o clock the night before, drinking gin and tonics and swearing at the bloody bastarding funnel that won't sit nicely on top of Thomas the Tank Engines cakey face 🤣

Smartiepants79 · 05/05/2023 19:43

The time, energy and love you have put into making your child’s first birthday cake can not, in any way, be replaced by money spent on paying a stranger to make it.
She has been rude and thoughtless.
Well done you. Don’t give her any!!

EverySporkIsSacred · 05/05/2023 19:45

This brings back so many good memories! I made a quick all-in-one sandwich cake for my DD3's first birthday, and didn't cover it fully with buttercream (just some at the edges). It was her first taste of cake and I didn't want it to be too overwhelmingly sugary. We have pictures of her eating it, it went down really well. I haven't often had time since to home bake and it always seems like second best tbh.
Ignore SIL she's probably jealous.

FurAndFeathers · 05/05/2023 19:46

She sounds awful.

I’d message back “why on earth would you buy one? Don’t worry, there’s no expectation you have to it it if you prefer mass produced factory cake”

EggInANest · 05/05/2023 19:46

It was incredibly rude.

And in our family birthday cakes are always made, not bought. I am no great baker, even less skilled at decoration but as long as I can put ingredients in the mixer I will make a b’day cake for my DC, just as my Mum did for us.

In fact she sent home made birthday cakes to her grandchildren once they went to Uni.

Love, care, making something for someone you love. Not bloody Instagram.

Your SIL has no soul.

MissPoldark · 05/05/2023 19:46

She’s fucking rude. Buy a shop bought cake just for her and smash her face in it!!

Helenahandkart · 05/05/2023 19:47

Homemade cakes taste a million times better. I always feel a bit sad when I go to a birthday party and they’ve bought a cake in, rather than doing a homemade one. They all taste the same and have weird slimy icing.
Have a lovely party with your lovely cake.

CatOnTheChair · 05/05/2023 19:47

My 2 have birthdays this month. Both have requested home made cake.
Yes, my decoration leaves much to be desired, but id go for taste over looks any day, and it appears the kids do too.

FurAndFeathers · 05/05/2023 19:47

My mum ALWAYS baked my birthday cakes. One of my fondest childhood memories is flicking through her cake books to choose a design

RampantIvy · 05/05/2023 19:48

neverenoughchelseaboots · 05/05/2023 19:35

Are you sure it wasn’t a bit of a joke. It sounds more like a ribbing to me - mainly because I can’t believe anyone could be rude enough to say that in seriousness!

I'm not finding anything remotely amusing in that comment.

Brefugee · 05/05/2023 19:48

She's rude. Tell her she can't have any

Goodadvice1980 · 05/05/2023 19:48

MissPoldark · 05/05/2023 19:46

She’s fucking rude. Buy a shop bought cake just for her and smash her face in it!!

😂

woodhill · 05/05/2023 19:49

Sounds great and probably much nicer

YouveGotToGrooveIt · 05/05/2023 19:49

THe birthday girl is 1 year old.

Your SIL has far more money than sense if she thinks a 1 year old needs a fancy cake more than she needs a cake baked by her mum.

BarkyMatherson · 05/05/2023 19:49

I love baking shit looking nice tasting cakes! In future the only gift you ever give the offending party must be homemade cake!

LadyKenya · 05/05/2023 19:50

Yanbu, I always bake my own cakes, no explanation needed, or given.

polkadotclip · 05/05/2023 19:50

So rude and ignorant.

Perhaps

thanks for the suggestion of a bought cake but that really doesn't chime with my values

I aim to ensure DD always has a lovely home baked cake as our tradition -- looking forward to mixing it with her from next year on. I think bought cakes are just not... special. So no need to ever worry about that

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