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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have made the birthday cake instead of buying a fancy one?

203 replies

Flamingogirl08 · 05/05/2023 19:14

So a bit light hearted because it doesn't really matter but my my feelings have been slightly 'bruised' shall we say.

It's first DD birthday this weekend. I've baked her a cake today, in the shape of a 1, pink icing. Nothing fancy but I think it looks quite good to be honest.

We're having family round tomorrow for a bit of a get together. I sent a pic of the cake to the family what's app group.

DSIL has messaged back saying oh I wish you'd have told me you were baking yourself I would've ordered a nice one for her. Am I being too sensitive or is that a bit rude?

To be honest making her birthday cake myself is something I've been looking forward to and it'll be her first taste of cake so it felt special to bake it myself.

Should I have bought a nice one since we have people coming round?

OP posts:
ModerationInEverything · 05/05/2023 19:16

Your cake will taste better than any bought cake. I'm not going to say anything twee like it was baked with love, but because it's all fresh and no preservatives. DSIL is a twat and I'm guessing a non baker!

Scaryshepherd · 05/05/2023 19:16

It sounds rude but I don’t know her. Is it a very tactless way of saying she wanted to help if you are a bit tight on money?

LetUsPonce · 05/05/2023 19:18

Yes, it was very rude and no, you shouldn't have bought one! Making it yourself is lovely and the cake you've made sounds perfect for a one year old!

Bake them yourself every year! I've always made my DD's birthday cakes and she still looks forward to them - and it's her 18th next time!

Beginningless · 05/05/2023 19:19

This’ll get me flamed and I’m not sure how to make it sound not judgy - but for me making homemade birthday cakes is like pure mum cherishing love! My mum always did it for us and I put stupid pressure on myself to do the same. To me a bought cake is soulless and says ‘I don’t care’. Just me personally. I think ignore it and be proud of your cake!

PollyThePixie · 05/05/2023 19:19

Tell your sister in law ‘thank you but I’ve been looking forward to making her cake and I’m very pleased with the result, it has a special meaning for me.’

I knit blankets for my grandchildren, badly, but the love that goes into them more than makes up in every way for the mistakes in them.

PollyThePixie · 05/05/2023 19:20

ModerationInEverything · 05/05/2023 19:16

Your cake will taste better than any bought cake. I'm not going to say anything twee like it was baked with love, but because it's all fresh and no preservatives. DSIL is a twat and I'm guessing a non baker!

I love twee.

Hendalle · 05/05/2023 19:20

YANBU she’s rude.
My DM made my birthday cakes and I loved them, I love it even more now I’m an adult because I can better appreciate the time and planning that went into it. She made some really lovely cakes.
Home baked cakes are sooo much nicer than shop ones! Serve your cake with pride OP.

Fairyliz · 05/05/2023 19:21

She’s both rude and stupid. Home made cakes are much nicer than bought cakes and whilst neither is particularly healthy, home made is not full of strange ingredients.

WateryDoom · 05/05/2023 19:21

She's rude.

And home made cakes are way better than bought ones.

RampantIvy · 05/05/2023 19:22

Your SIL would probably have bought a nasty artificial tasting confection that wouldn't have tasted half as nice as a home made cake. I always made DD's birthday cakes as I dislike most shop bought cakes.

As your SIL thinks home made cake isn't good enough you don't have to offer her any.

And yes, I would be offended by her comment.

TryingNotToFreak · 05/05/2023 19:22

It's rude! In our family even rubbish homemade cakes with lots of effort are the BEST!

In my opinion a disaster cake made with love is better than a bought one? Also, disaster cakes are are quite fun to laugh about?

WeWereInParis · 05/05/2023 19:23

She's rude. And shop bought cakes often taste crap.

PollyThePixie · 05/05/2023 19:23

In fact OP, one of my daughters was 34 today. I made her cake. A retro Scottish school dinner cake. It’s very basic, costs next to nothing, but she really enjoys it.

MayBeeJuneSoon · 05/05/2023 19:24

Can we see it op?

Is it only me who fancies some cake now!?

thecatsthecats · 05/05/2023 19:24

MIL was similar about my insistence on making my own wedding cake.

Her preferred cake maker uses too much skanky fondant and produces massively meh sponge cakes. And I have eaten far too many dreary wedding cakes to have that on my own day.

There wasn't a scrap left of my cake on the day :D

FusionChefGeoff · 05/05/2023 19:24

What a cow!! It's a beautiful thing to make your baby's cake ignore her.

CindersAgain · 05/05/2023 19:25

I think you should say what @PollyThePixie suggested. You need to do something or she’ll turn up with one next year.

Or, just ‘ha ha, home made is much better, pleased I had the time to do it.’

Merrow · 05/05/2023 19:25

God that's incredibly rude! I love making cakes for my DS. I like to think I'm ok at it, but that's also not the point!

Swishhh · 05/05/2023 19:26

She was rude.

Hankunamatata · 05/05/2023 19:26

I'd reply
Er that's a bit rude sil, I think dd cake looks nice and will taste lovely

ItsCalledAConversation · 05/05/2023 19:27

You sound like you’re a lovely mum and your SIL sounds like she’s a bit of a bitch.

primoseyellow · 05/05/2023 19:27

Its rude, your cake will be much much nicer than an additive laden shop one full of palm oil and preservatives.

I would completely ignore the comment, people like this want you to say something so they can turn around and go, oh I was only trying to help, I didn't realise you were so sensitive etc etc.

If she says anything at the party just breezily reply, oh thats so kind , definitely next time. And just carry on enjoying your Lo and the day.

piglet81 · 05/05/2023 19:29

SIL is a cow and shop bought cakes aren’t nearly as good as homemade.

Riverlee · 05/05/2023 19:32

She was rude. I’m not a brilliant cook, but cooking my dc’s first birthday cake was important to me. Dc2 was twenty one recently, and I still made his cake. It would never win awards but it was important to me.

mondaytosunday · 05/05/2023 19:33

So rude!
I'm making my daughter's 18th birthday cake next week and she's delighted.