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Original poster

To have made the birthday cake instead of buying a fancy one?

203 replies

Flamingogirl08 · 05/05/2023 19:14

So a bit light hearted because it doesn't really matter but my my feelings have been slightly 'bruised' shall we say.

It's first DD birthday this weekend. I've baked her a cake today, in the shape of a 1, pink icing. Nothing fancy but I think it looks quite good to be honest.

We're having family round tomorrow for a bit of a get together. I sent a pic of the cake to the family what's app group.

DSIL has messaged back saying oh I wish you'd have told me you were baking yourself I would've ordered a nice one for her. Am I being too sensitive or is that a bit rude?

To be honest making her birthday cake myself is something I've been looking forward to and it'll be her first taste of cake so it felt special to bake it myself.

Should I have bought a nice one since we have people coming round?

OP posts:
thunderandsunshine01 · 05/05/2023 20:38

Noooo kids cakes are lovely and thoughtful if you can give them a go yourself! All 3 of mine get home baked, despite me being absolutely shocking at baking! Sometimes they are a win, sometimes a flop - but they love them every time and can remember each and every cake. Attaching the latest flop to cheer you up 😂

To have made the birthday cake instead of buying a fancy one?
RelentlessForwardProgress · 05/05/2023 20:38

I consider making DC's birthday cakes one of the special privileges of being a mum.

Yes, they have been known to slant slightly as the day wears on, and a shop bought one would look fancier, but no way am I surrendering the joy it brings me to some random in a shop.

SIL was definitely rude, no one's that thick. I'd reply to her message with something along the lines of 'oh dear, how embarrassing for you!'

TomatoSandwiches · 05/05/2023 20:39

I do have to add a cavet. Colin, the caterpillar, is the only acceptable supermarket cake for birthdays.

MargotBamborough · 05/05/2023 20:39

Your SIL sounds like an absolute dick.

Nothing better than a homemade birthday cake made by your mum. Just don't stop making her cakes - mine only bothered for the first 4 years and then I only had bought ones!

fortnumsfinest · 05/05/2023 20:40

She sounds rude.
I got a fancy cake made for my DD's 1st birthday, looked amazing, tasted awful, all style no substance. Since then it's been cheap supermarket cakes or homemade

OriginalFloorboards · 05/05/2023 20:41

I think it’s lovely. I’m a basic cake maker but have made every single cake. As she’s got older we’ve made them together. It’s been great fun. She’s 15 this year and it’s become something we do. I was going to buy one last year but she said she preferred us to make one. Given I’m no expert (think victoria sponge with chocolate filling, melted chocolate on top type) I’m pleased. We’ve had family round and no-one has said anything. Ignore what they say. You will love doing this when she’s a bit bigger. I think it’s great! Well done. Bet it’s scrummy.

Helenahandkart · 05/05/2023 20:41

Cattenberg · 05/05/2023 20:36

When I look at childhood photos, I can see the birthday cakes my mum made for me and it’s lovely 🥰. Mum made me a chocolate cake in the shape of a baby walker for my first birthday. If I mention it, she says it wasn’t very good. But I clearly enjoyed it at the time! I also remember the train cake she made for me when I was four, with chocolate icing and smarties. It’s nice that she did all that for me.

My mum also made me a pram cake - though it wasn’t chocolate. Lacy white icing with a jammy dodger face biscuit for the baby. I was five and remember it so well.
We had hot air balloons and battleships, trains and football pitches. Homemade cakes are great.

AliceMcK · 05/05/2023 20:42

I would be responding with, “why don’t you think my cake is nice?”

I’ve always tried to make my DDs cakes, I love doing their birthday cakes, I also made my wedding cake as I honestly think cakes are so not worth the cost, not that I’m knocking the skill that goes into them. I’ve occasionally bought a ready made cake and decorated it myself, usually when I’ve had multiple to make in quick succession. Last year all my DDs helped me bake their own cakes and decorate them. This year I was too busy so bought ready made cakes for 2 of them and let them decorate them themselves. They were so proud of their hard work.

Original poster
Flamingogirl08 · 05/05/2023 20:42

So I texted back.

I just put a jokey spin on it, "Eh why what's wrong with my cake? 🤣."

She hasn't got back. I expect she will just laugh it off as well.

I'll report back to let you know if she eats any tomorrow!

OP posts:
pollykitty · 05/05/2023 20:43

You cannot seriously be thinking that some crappy store cake is better than a mom cake. I cannot stand even nice bakery cakes. They always taste off. I have mad every one of my daughter’s cakes and she is 11. When she got old enough she picked the flavor herself. And I am no baker.

Growlybear83 · 05/05/2023 20:45

I think that's incredibly rude. I always baked cakes for my daughter when she was young and they always went down really well. Some of them looked really good but others were awful, although they tasted lovely 😆. I think the worst one was for my daughters fourth birthday when she was besotted with Sooty, sweep, and Matthew Corbett. I made a cake in the shape of Matthew Corbett's head, which no-one in the family has ever forgotten 😆😆

Tiredandknackered · 05/05/2023 20:47

I always had cakes made for my children by an old lady in our village and now after reading your post I really wish I had baked them myself. I baked and decorated my Mums 60th …many years ago and I missed the ‘h ‘ out of Birthday and we laughed about it for many years . I hope you thoroughly enjoy your DD 1st Birthday.X

Original poster
Flamingogirl08 · 05/05/2023 20:48

thunderandsunshine01 · 05/05/2023 20:38

Noooo kids cakes are lovely and thoughtful if you can give them a go yourself! All 3 of mine get home baked, despite me being absolutely shocking at baking! Sometimes they are a win, sometimes a flop - but they love them every time and can remember each and every cake. Attaching the latest flop to cheer you up 😂

That's not a flop! I would imagine Toby would love that! Well done!

I'm not going to post mine because even though this thread is already quite outing if anybody comes across it, a pic would be confirmation 🤣

OP posts:
Truthlikeness · 05/05/2023 20:48

You've just reminded me of a pink and white castle cake my mum made me over 40 years ago. She still makes them for family birthdays now and they're very much appreciated.

whatisheupto · 05/05/2023 20:49

She sounds jealous. Does she have DC? Or maybe she could never bake herself. Either way she's being an absolute cow, shocking comment!
I'd have said, "go ahead and buy one, cos you're not having any of DCs cake!"
I always bake birthday cakes... I consider bought ones a total cop out and they always give me IBS symptoms.

BungleandGeorge · 05/05/2023 20:50

Wibblywobblyway · 05/05/2023 20:24

Homemade cake is ALWAYS better than shop bought.

This really isn’t true though is it? 😆 if you’re a good baker and have decent hygiene standards maybe so.
there’s a whole thing about kids birthday cakes, those who spend lots of money on an artisan creation from a local baker and those who look down on anything but a cake that a parent has slaved over for hours. The kids are generally just as happy with Colin or peppa pig from Morrisons.. I guess SIL is in the first camp and expected a 3 tier job that wouldn’t look out of place at a wedding and has phrased it badly

Xmasbaby11 · 05/05/2023 20:52

ah that's quite rude! But I think just a different opinion on the role of a cake - perhaps she would choose something very fancy and special, a wow cake that she would take a lot of pleasure in choosing.

I bake a lot and think I am pretty good - I bake a lot for others, cake sales etc and am complimented on them. I always do my Dc's birthday cakes and it is a pleasure of being a parent! However I have had some awful, bordering on inedible homemade cakes over the years so I can't honestly say homemade is always better. Supermarket ones can be really nice as can bakery ones or commissioned ones. And some people do prefer shop bought cakes - DH's family do; it's just what they are used to and a homemade one would in their eyes look amateur.

But for me, I'd always make birthday cakes unless there was a reason not to, and I'm sure in future you and your child will love looking back of the pics of your lovingly made cake!

CheshireCat1 · 05/05/2023 20:52

A home made cake is full of love, I baked my own children’s cakes every year. Just thank her and say that you wanted a homemade one, made with love.

OllytheCollie · 05/05/2023 20:52

Your cake sounds lovely but that doesn't mean DSIL is rude. When I was growing up money was tight and I always craved a shop bought cake rather than my Mum's homemade ones (we're not from the UK and her homemade cakes were pretty special, she liked to make UK style cakes but with flavours from home so friends wd bite into a lovely looking chocolate cake to discover it was filled with dates and cardamom. Sounds a bit Nigella now but was v weird in Scotland in the 90s). So for me a special cake for an occasion still seems wildly extravagant - she may literally have thought it would be lovely to treat you, not that your cake is shit.

CakeBeautifulCake · 05/05/2023 20:52

I've always baked my kids cakes and they're two strapping teenagers now. Wouldn't even entertain the idea of a shop bought one! I assume SiL can't bake if she'd rather have a soulless shop cake! Rustic, fresh ones are the tastiest. As a pp mentioned, as mothers we can sometimes doubt how good our homemade cakes look, especially the novelty ones. But kids see them through rose tinted glasses, they don't notice the imperfect bits but remember them for what they were. Be proud of yourself OP! It's one of the best traditions you can do ❤️

amispeakingintongues · 05/05/2023 20:52

That is SO RUDE!! I'd tell her so too.

Unless there's a chance she thought she was saving you the effort... but I suspect its a passive aggressive bullshit thing to say.

Tell her you're glad she didn't buy one as it's been a pleasure baking her first birthday cake.

Ergh some SILs

ilovesushi · 05/05/2023 20:54

It's super rude! How lovely that you baked one. It's a special birthday and you'll remember this cake!

Tinysoxx · 05/05/2023 20:55

You need to reply:
No don’t worry this cake has a special ingredient in it that you don’t get with shop bought ones.

Forestdweller11 · 05/05/2023 20:56

Rude! I've been making my DCs birthday cakes for 16 years. It's just about the only baking I do. Some years are better than others - sometimes my imagination over comes my skill levels... They are made with love. They are now a tradition. And I love it when the photos pop up in my memories each year. Keep making he cakes.

brunettemic · 05/05/2023 20:57

It’s definitely being rude and well done you for making the cake! Believe me, carry on doing that every year and your kids will love it and remember them far more than bought ones.