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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have made the birthday cake instead of buying a fancy one?

203 replies

Flamingogirl08 · 05/05/2023 19:14

So a bit light hearted because it doesn't really matter but my my feelings have been slightly 'bruised' shall we say.

It's first DD birthday this weekend. I've baked her a cake today, in the shape of a 1, pink icing. Nothing fancy but I think it looks quite good to be honest.

We're having family round tomorrow for a bit of a get together. I sent a pic of the cake to the family what's app group.

DSIL has messaged back saying oh I wish you'd have told me you were baking yourself I would've ordered a nice one for her. Am I being too sensitive or is that a bit rude?

To be honest making her birthday cake myself is something I've been looking forward to and it'll be her first taste of cake so it felt special to bake it myself.

Should I have bought a nice one since we have people coming round?

OP posts:
Pegsandsunshine · 05/05/2023 20:08

My inlaws always buy disgusting cakes from supermarkets and I stopped baking as they would never eat them, so we just have a nice cake for us and they can have the supermarket ones to themselves, which in return I dont eat. They find their cakes nice, I find mine nice, we agree to disagree.

AliMonkey · 05/05/2023 20:09

I'm with you, I always bake birthday cakes for DC and DH. They are never perfect and sometimes a bit wonky but they are done with love and care and appreciated (well, DC appreciate them, DH would rather have a Colin the Caterpillar!) I look back at the ones I made when they were little and some were pretty awful looking (they always looked better in my head than in reality) but I'm still glad I did them and as time has gone on I've even managed to make some that look pretty good (and taste good). It's my way of showing how much I care. Now kids are older, sometimes they make one for me and I don't care how they taste or look, I just appreciate the effort. Your SIL is rude.

Improbablecat · 05/05/2023 20:13

YANBU!
I'm 35 and my mum still bakes my birthday cake 😆
I like baking my daughter's cakes too. I get that baking isn't for everyone but for us it's something we enjoy, are reasonably good at and like the personalisation challenge. Mum laughs about the year I was really into otters and wanted my age on a cake made of fondant otters. Last year my daughter asked for a light up ghost cake. All part of the fun and niceness of it.

I'd just reply to SIL that you really enjoyed making it and wanted to bake something yourself

IAmNotOkay · 05/05/2023 20:15

My eldest is 19.
I’ve always made the birthday cakes and would never dream of buying one.

Home made is lovely op.

CornedBeef451 · 05/05/2023 20:16

That is very rude!

I have always baked birthday cakes as a sign of love, buying one is cheating!

nobodygoesdowninthejungle · 05/05/2023 20:17

It sounds lovely!
Ignore your DSis.
My DD is 13 now. I've always made her cakes. It's much more about the love than the look of them. They always taste delicious and her friends demolish then (perhaps because they're covered in chocolate buttons and things)

SomeMonstersEatTelly · 05/05/2023 20:20

She’s being fucking rude. Is she the kind of person who thinks a baby should be on Instagram with a fancy, ostentatiously decorated cake? Each to their own, but to suggest that your cake isn’t good enough is outrageous.

Well done you for making a lovely cake and putting the effort and love into it. And congratulations on getting through the first year!

UrsulaBelle · 05/05/2023 20:22

Homemade cakes are most definitely the best! I made the first birthday cake for my 3 DSes, then gave up for a few years because it was hard work, and bought a M&S chocolate cake and decorated it myself badly which was never as good, but went back to homemade ones when they were older.

misskatamari · 05/05/2023 20:22

She can fuck right off! Cheeky bloody cow! Home made cakes are the best, and taste so much better. How rude and thoughtless of her!

Zezet · 05/05/2023 20:24

The idea that store-bought beats homemade is a out 40 years out of date, when store-bought was a novelty.

Of course homemade is nicer.

And of course, even if she hadn't been wrong, she's still have been rude...

Wibblywobblyway · 05/05/2023 20:24

Homemade cake is ALWAYS better than shop bought.

Always4Brenner · 05/05/2023 20:25

Never had a home made cake I can remember my 6th birthday the parents arguing because no cake had been brought. Cakes stopped after 12. Had one for 18th and 21

LightDrizzle · 05/05/2023 20:26

How rude!

diddl · 05/05/2023 20:26

I think some people see home baking as inferior.

I don't think it's true that all bought cakes are rubbish either!

I think SIL was very rude.

It's the suggestion that Op's cake won't be nice.

LightDrizzle · 05/05/2023 20:27

… and I always bought because while I can make a delicious cake, I can’t make a looker.

Cattenberg · 05/05/2023 20:29

I think homemade cakes tend to taste much nicer than shop-bought ones. YANBU in the slightest. Besides, a one-year-old will hardly notice or appreciate anything fancy.

If SIL has form for snidey comments like this, I’d keep contact with her to the minimum.

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 05/05/2023 20:29

Sil was rude and I would have told to to go jump in a lake and hung up in her face.

DisforDarkChocolate · 05/05/2023 20:30

She's very rude. Expect her to turn up with a bought cake.

Starintheshow · 05/05/2023 20:30

She sounds very rude and tactless but she may not have meant it in that way.

Nothing against shop bought but a home made cake is lovely and much better imo, not everyone would see it that way. I love baking, my cake don't look perfect but they taste better and are made with love and care.

Can we see the cake please?

LadyAddle · 05/05/2023 20:32

Your home-made cake will be infinitely nicer, and will become a Tradition! Honestly, pay her no attention, she's coming from a completely different place. No comparison between bought and home-made. (Just avoid putting Smarties on wet icing in later years, they turn into grey ghosts of themselves.)
@PollyThePixie What is a retro Scottish school dinner cake - is it the big sponge square with icing and sprinkles? I used to love that.

stayathomer · 05/05/2023 20:32

As someone who always buys a supermarket cake I am in awe of you. Have you messaged back yet? Because: why would I buy a cake? Surely she’ll appreciate the love that went into a one of a kind creation rather than something store bought?

Bumply · 05/05/2023 20:33

I feel lazy and less of a mum if I don't bake birthday cakes for my boys.
This was ds2's requested cake for his 21st after remembering I'd made it for him previously for his fourth birthday.

To have made the birthday cake instead of buying a fancy one?
TomatoSandwiches · 05/05/2023 20:36

Homemade cakes are far superior to bought ones, especially birthday cakes.

I'd buy a shitty artificially flavoured supermarket cup cake and give that to her on the day, no amazing pink birthday cake for her.

Original poster
Flamingogirl08 · 05/05/2023 20:36

Bumply · 05/05/2023 20:33

I feel lazy and less of a mum if I don't bake birthday cakes for my boys.
This was ds2's requested cake for his 21st after remembering I'd made it for him previously for his fourth birthday.

Love this!! Maybe that will be next year!

OP posts:
Cattenberg · 05/05/2023 20:36

When I look at childhood photos, I can see the birthday cakes my mum made for me and it’s lovely 🥰. Mum made me a chocolate cake in the shape of a baby walker for my first birthday. If I mention it, she says it wasn’t very good. But I clearly enjoyed it at the time! I also remember the train cake she made for me when I was four, with chocolate icing and smarties. It’s nice that she did all that for me.

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